I don't like being angry.
It's not my nature and it takes a lot to get me here ... but here I am ... Dammit!
It's unhealthy ... incorrigible ... damaging to others ... and a minor act of suicide, except nobody dies while you kill because it hurts more that way ... and hurting others or yourself is what anger's really about.
"Of the Seven Deadly Sins, Anger is possibly the most fun," Frederick Buechner says. "To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are giving and the pain you are giving back --- in many ways that's a feast fit for a King. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."
How does one respond?
Either plow ahead, be pissed and eat yourself alive or ... let that stuff go.
There was a time when I was full of anger ... it didn't matter why ... it was just great to be full of anger ... Politicians, Religion, Sex or the lack thereof, Work, or the radio wouldn't play the right damn song at the right time ... I've been repeatedly raped by anger.
I consider myself a survivor.
Every day I wake up, determined to enjoy the wonderful people and things in my life ... sure they haven't always been there for me and some were downright mean ... but I'm not going to hurt myself anymore.
And I certainly wasn't all that great to them either, instigating far too many hurts that are never forgotten.
I've done way too much of that and have the scars to prove it and can point to the ones I caused.
So I'm writing the anger out.
For me.
And I share it too for whoever might find it useful.
And its very satisfying when people say "Thanks, that's what I was thinking!" ... and when they say, "You're crazy! You piss me off!"
Either way's alright.
If someone needs me to be pissed at ... I can do that.
It's not fun but I can love them enough to take it ... though I may get frustrated and hurt.
I do delight when people say, "Hey thanks! That's what I was thinking but haven't said."
It's hard to not love that ... and to feel better about myself.
The sun just popped out from behind every dark clouds.
I just kissed a picture of my wife.
Our dog Goddess just kissed me.
It's hard to be angry when I have so much.
It's out now and I'm going to enjoy what's left of this life I have, my wonderful wife and family, delightful friends, and marvelous opportunities.
I'll have plenty of time to be angry ... when I'm dead and missing these things.
