I had no idea how hard it would be to have my celebration of life now rather than later.
When I floated the idea, the response was overwhelming with suggestions, offers to help, and commitments to travel in order to attend one Hell of a Party, complete with live music, good food and drink in a spectacular setting with hundreds of people attending.
I would never survive!
Cancer's compromised my stamina, energy and focus to "celebrate" at that level for what's left of my life.
I'm easily overwhelmed and am very measured in everything I do and a gathering of such magnitude would be too much for me to even consider.
"Oh, don't worry," John O'Neill told me, "we'll carry you out."
"That's what I'm worried about!" I emphatically answered.
My life couldn't stand that kind of celebration.
Besides, it costs a lot of money to have cancer so party costs are nonexistent anyway.
I had 28 chemo injections, each costing $26,000, that Medicare covered, except for $1,600 which we had to cover.
$44,800 of living expenses went directly to keeping me alive, at the cost of the hopes, dreams and wishes I have for my family.
That's just one example, and there are lots more but the point being, it's damn hard to celebrate your life when all of your disposable income goes to what's not covered by Insurance.
Last year I ceased all treatment, wanting a quality of life even if it's at the expense of the quantity and, shockingly, I'm still here somehow, with a chance!
I have to make the most of this time before the quality runs out and I've thought long and hard on what my celebration of life should actually be.
I'm dying as happily as I know how, but I think I can do better.
My celebration of life will have 3 things I want to manifest before my time comes to its end.
An actually celebration would be nice, but what will make it most meaningful to me is to do it with Sarah and Che. They're the ones who bring the most joy, laughter and love anyway, so who better to celebrate my life than the ones who make it? It will be a grand occasion in a grand location for as long as possible, because this is our last chance for such a thing to happen.
My celebration will allow me to leave something for Che, something I can give her at our grand little private affair in a grand location. A fund that is set aside for when it's going to be needed and Dad won't be there to help. I want to make this a reality too because she's going to need her "Da" then and, well, this allows me to be raised from the dead for our love child, after I'm gone, in a real and meaningful way.
Most importantly, Sarah has to start completely over without me. Burying your husband and starting a new life as a single mother is hard under the best of circumstances, but it's a bitch when all of your money's gone to keeping me this long. Some start-up money will definitely help because starting over is easier when you have something to start over with.
That's the celebration of life that I want to have. It's certainly the one Sarah and Che deserve.
This Go-Fund Me drive is to help manifest my Celebration of Life and make it real for all of us.
So many have done so much over the last 5 years of our ordeal, it's hard doing this but, we've always tried to keep it real and, well, this is real.
We appreciate any prayers, wishes, hopes and donations offered that help us manifest my celebration of life.
