My worry thoughts come early in the morning before I
actually wake up. In that semi-conscious state of tossing and turning as I try
to fall back asleep, whatever worries I have interrupt me. If I’m lucky, I fall
back asleep and dream them away. On the mornings when I can’t shake the worries
I lay there staring at the ceiling fan and do my best to excommunicate them.
I’ve lived long enough and seen enough to know that
worrying about things only make them worse. I also believe that things always
seem worse at night. So it drives me crazy as I lay there worrying about
things.
“It’ll be alright,” I say out loud prayfully,
believing that God is keeping an eye on me.
For the most part, mine’s been a pretty incredible
life! I’ve been places I never dreamed I would go … been part of great things …
hobnobbed with the rich and famous … been with three Presidents … won lots of
stuff … ran with the Olympic Torch.
Why should I worry that things won’t continue on
that projection?
Sure I’ve had my fair share of hurts and
disappointments … I know rejection … betrayal has hit me hard … insecurity crept
in sometimes … people I counted on left. But as hard as these things was I got
through them.
Honestly, I thinks its God that got me this far.
Not that others weren’t involved too. I don’t think
God does much alone. Guy Sayles, America’s greatest minister, says, “Life is a partnership with God”.
That’s how I try to live my life. It’s a partnership
with God. Everything about it has been wildly unexpected and incredibly fulfilling.
There have been some shitty times but faith isn’t always easy; believing
sometimes takes great strength; remaining open is the hardest thing most will
ever do.
There are times I wish I’d done things differently
but it really doesn’t matter now. I am where I am; happier than ever; still the
unexpected and enjoying this wild ride of my life! I don’t know what comes
after my life’s done … perhaps I’ll be dancing with the Angels or gravitating
towards an even higher plane of existence … but if this is all there is … well,
it’s been freaking great! And I remain thankful for that.
So when the worry thoughts come, I say, “To hell
with it!” and get up to start another day of living this wonderful gift of
life.