I'm the waiter.
Guy Sayles got me the job when he stopped being a waiter to become a full-time Professional Christian with a real ... albeit non-Southern Baptist ... Church.
Alas, Mitch and I ... also in Seminary ... are not so blessed.
Strolling into the front part of "Keinlee's" I find Marlene so she can tie my bow-tie and slip on my red vest so I look like a skinny Hansel ... without Gretel.
Marlene offers whatever's left over from lunch to Mitch and me for dinner.
Honestly it was good stuff though we wearied of it after a while and took to creating our own meals with Audi ... Marlene's husband and former German Olympic Gymnastic coach ... now Chef.
"You do know," I say to him frying Spaetzle over the stove, "that your wife is a bitch."
Yah," he shrugs ... looking like a sad Santa Claus wearing a white apron, "love can suck."
Marlene is mean, arrogant and proud of her heritage as a member of the Dienhart Wine family.
Audi is kind, gracious, laughs a lot and he loves Mitch and me.
Mitch's humor is dry and it's several seconds later we recognize how funnily profound he is so that he's washing dishes when we bust out laughing at what he said a full minute earlier.
"What?" he asks ... adding to the delivery.
In perfect contrast my humor's over the top.
Audi asks me to prepare a special dish for Marlene because he's busy ... so I get an old tennis shoe, chop an onion, sprinkle it on the shoe in the frying pan, cover it with Spaetzle, gravy and cheese ... sprinkle with Parsley and show it to him.
Grabbing a knife and fork he tries to cut the tennis shoe, realizes what it is and laughs a Heavenly laugh ... then serves it to his wife.
I think Mitch had already quit by the time my last night rolls around.
Marlene's being a bitch, not only yelling at me but yelling at Audi too.
We're busting our asses but nothing was good enough so she demands more ... she and Audi have a huge fight in German as I deliver food to customers.
Rushing back in the kitchen for the next round of plates ... Audi looks at me and says, "Let's go."
"Um ... it's a packed house out there," I say, drenched in sweat.
"Let's go," he repeats ... looking like an evil Santa.
I figure he's the boss too so I rip off the bow-tie, throw the red vest on the floor and Audi and I leave.
We go to his house, drink Heineken beer and listen to the speeches of Adolph Hitler ... which Marlene has albums of.
An hour later, Marlene storms in and angrily announces I'm fired.
"He is not," Audi says.
They get into a huge fight speaking German.
I leave.
The point being ... I think everyone should be a waiter, waitress or dishwasher in life.
It helps you be a better person.
Right Mitch Wesley?
