"How ya doing?" he asks, peering from underneath an old ball cap with bloodshot eyes.
"I was afraid ..." and his voice trails off as he wipes sweat from his face with an old pink hand towel.
"Nope," I interrupt, "Still not dead yet!"
And he crumbles a little bit and I think he's going to cry.
"Good," he says hugging me and he makes his way down the path.
I have no idea who he is.
For exercise, most mornings Lainey drags me for a walk along the nature trail behind the YMCA where we pass our friend.
Over the past couple of years we've moved from stealing glances to nodding to speaking to brief exchanges of "How ya doing?"
One day I told him and it changed our relationship.
He now cares.
I have no idea why.
Shuffling away in silence I swear he's wiping tears with the pink towel, leaving me standing alone with Lainey who's licking herself.
"I'm doing okay," I say out loud.
Lainey keeps licking, paying no attention.
Sarah and I are holding things together though we have absolutely no idea how.
Her days resemble a pin ball hit by the flipper and randomly knocked from buzzer to bell before disappearing down a black hole she works herself out of while mine revolve around self-medication.
Lainey jerks me down the path towards home where Sarah's waiting to leave for patient visits.
Her life has been completely taken over caring for me as her pinball day's further behind because my walk's taking so long.
She leaves for work.
"Let's hang out," I say cuddling up with Che on the sofa.
"It's a big day," I tell her, "the Weed Fairy's coming."
While Che busies herself, I'm distracted by a gnawing sense that time is running out.
Sarah's making lots of plans for our future and I love her excitement when she's talking about it.
I live life in 12 hour increments, trying to completely focus on finding joy in the moments with Sarah, Che, Cass and whatever comes my way in real time.
Sarah often says I'm not completely here which I take as her understanding I'm distracted when, in fact, she's convinced I'm losing it.
I meander into the back yard and focus on picking weeds.
I'm listening to good music.
I'm high.
Che grins at me as she sits on the sofa watching "A for Adley" on YouTube.
Standing to join her, I clap my hands to shake off the dirt and my wedding ring flies across the yard.
"Dammit!" I curse because that's never happened before.
Retrieving my precious ring as quickly as Gollum possibly could, I place it back on my finger before rushing back to Che on the sofa.
