My first book was penned in the old Veranda Restaurant where I'd stare at the Texas Tower floating 3 miles out on the ocean ... until it got knocked down by a tanker that missed the Savannah River.
The island's as beautiful as ever ... the ocean's majestic ... sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking ... the Back River is spectacular ... the Lighthouse is stunning ... Turtles lay eggs in the Dunes and they hatch ... Dolphins are everywhere ... Shrimp Boats make you dream ... the smell of the Marsh ...
BUT ... other than that ... IT SUCKS!
Here's why.
Everything is fried
It doesn't matter where you go the food is fried. Even if you order something grilled it's cooked beside the fryer and has the aroma of fried food when it's plated. Old grease is stored in tubs for recycling and the fat skims to the top and forms a layer harder than Congress.
Tybee City Hall
Got a good idea?
Want to improve your home ... enhance quality of life on the Island ... help old ladies cross Butler Avenue ... or DO ANYTHING AT ALL FOR KIDS ... which Tybee City Hall doesn't believe exists?
It will cost you.
Tybee City Hall levees a fee, fine or make you a foe for pretty much anything.
Right now you can still breath for free but no one is certain how much longer that's going to last.
Parking
There is none.
What parking exists cost a quarter for 15 minutes which is more than most anything cost anywhere.
Plus the above mentioned Tybee City Hall hires Nazis to enforce parking.
If you come ... you WILL Pay.
Jones Avenue
Tourists drive down Butler Avenue to get from one end of the island to the other but locals take Jones Avenue ... which used to be great because it was 35 miles an hour and no Stop Signs ... so it took 2 minutes to go 3 miles.
Not any more.
The City loves "Stop Signs" and Tybee Island has more per square feet than any place in the Universe.
You can't pee without having to Stop.
Apparently this wasn't enough for aforementioned Tybee City Hall because the entire street is now ripped to Hell so it's not a drivable option.
Therefore if you live here ... you drive like a tourist.
Flood Insurance
Two words.
One is a Verb.
The other is a pronoun.
The pronoun is "YOU'RE."
You can feel the Verb repeatedly pounding itself from behind.
Easter Sunrise Service
Long, long time ago ... on an island far far away ... everybody loved everybody.
Then we got Churches.
So everybody tolerated everybody.
Then the Baptists withdrew participation from the Easter Sunrise Service on the Pier.
The Methodist put up "Crime Scene" tape to keep people out.
The Catholics believe they're the only ones on the Island anyway.
And no one cares about the Episcopalians ... because black people attend.
BUT ... out of this mess ... Bar Church was born ... so in spite of the Holy Wars ... Inquisitions ...bad music ... worse sermons ... and the stupid sayings on the sign in front of the Baptist Church ... it's all good.
I could go on but that's enough.
Besides ... I have to make my daily run to Tybee Market ... sometimes referred to as IGA ... to pick up things for the weekend ... cause the girls are coming home and Sarah's out of Orange Juice ... and Tybee Market is always fun ... especially when Nancy's working.
Though in the summer and on Holiday weekends ... even Tybee Market's sold out.
Nancy or no Nancy.
So don't move here.
It's not worth it.
