My trip to Alaska abruptly ended in Atlanta. Delta wasn't ready when I was. It started with a possible flat tire on the plane in Savannah then got completely derailed with a broken hydraulics system in Atlanta. They were nice enough about it and I ended up at a hotel paid for by the airline. And rather than flying all night I'm now flying all day but there are no worries ... it will be still be daylight when I get to Anchorage tonight.
There are tornado warnings for St. Paul which I am connecting through but I've seen "The Wizard of Oz" and the worst that can happen is I end up in Kansas.
Its been a crazy 24 hours. Yesterday morning I woke happy and content, marveled at the beauty of the island from the Beloved Back Deck, went to Bar Church, made a brief stop on the Pier, and then ... ended up alone sitting in a hotel bar. Thanks to the magic of technology I talked with people I love until I fell asleep.
Whoever stayed in the room before me set the alarm for 5:30 and forgot to turn it off. So it jarred me awake and I kept hitting the snooze button ... for an hour and a half ... because it was dark and I couldn't see how to turn the damn thing off.
Now I'm back at the airport to see if Delta is ready.
The airport is packed and people are swirling around me. Everyone's in a hurry. Most are talking on their cells or texting as they rush to their gates. Long lines fill the food courts. Air traffic control (an oxymoron) has orchestrated a massive traffic jam on the tarmacs. A lot of kids are crying. Mothers are blowing puffs of air from their mouths as they roll their eyes attempting to move their bangs from the front of their faces. Men in suits talk to a Blue Tooth, intensely tap at their I-Pad or converse with another tie wearer about business ... or the lack thereof.
I'm wearing my Samuel Adams Band tee shirt, shorts (with cursed underwear) and flip flops. I'll change when I get to Alaska.
I watch all of these swirls that are happening around me. That used to be me. Relentlessly I worked to change systems, convince politicians to do the right thing, save people from themselves, and make the world a better place. I rushed "to and fro the ends of the earth" doing these things. But in the end, these things did me in.
Crashing and burning is not something I would recommend but ... it's something that every single one of us live through. Some are more magnificent than others. Mine was freaking amazing! (Just ask my friends!)
So I stopped cause there wasn't any other option. And rather taking care of business I had to rely on the love of a handful of others who took care of me. I was no longer in a place to take care of myself. Goddess proved to be much more than a dog forcing me to take her for walks to a sad little holy dock. Otherwise I never would have left the house. Friends broke in to force me to eat or go out with them. And the good things from my past came back to life ... starting with Fran who taught me green ... though she remains long dead.
Last summer I was dying. This summer I am alive again ... but much different than I was before.
There are of swirls in my life again. It is full of activity. I am again going "to and fro the ends of the earth" but it is different. I am different. I am no longer a part of the swirls. Somehow I walk between them. I am light as I walk .. very mindful of the scars that I wear ... with a full understanding that I only have this one life ... it is a gift that I didn't ask for but have nevertheless ... and I am determined to celebrate the rest of it. For me. And for those I love.
Sitting here, I watch all of this. I am a detached observer. I feel a once broken heart dance again inside of me.
The waitress says, "I'm am sorry sir, I spilled juice on your toes." And she did! I was sitting her and she went to take the empty glass and it spilled on my toes. It felt good actually.
I laughed and said, "Honey you should charge for that! It was wonderful!"
Her look of concern evaporated and she laughed.We shared the laughter.
I touched the sleeve of her black uniform, looked her dead in the eye and said ... "Seriously."
She laughed.
So I shared this moment with someone I don't know. Someone I will likely never see again. Late on my way to work in Alaska. With swirling tornadoes out there ... somewhere. But I am heading to a place where it is never dark. Where light shines. Where love grows. Where happiness reigns. Where every day is a dance. And I will breath deeply ... sucking that air inside of me ... making it me ... becoming one with it.
And the swirls will stop and watch us dance.
And we will laugh
