Saturday, April 20, 2013

Duck Dynasty Mexicans

After a riveting 3-2 soccer game played by 9 year olds, Sarah and I stopped for a romantic Mexican lunch at the Mall.

I hate the Mall.

I have always hated the Mall.

I hate any Mall but especially the one founded by General Oglethorpe!

On the other hand I like Mexican food and the Oglethorpe Mall happens to have an excellent restaurant that may, or may not, be full of illegal immigrants.

Personally, I don't give a damn. The American economy is built upon Mexicans and it would crash without these people. Who would wash cars? Put roofs on houses? Landscape?

Sarah and I were holding hands, feeding each other cheese dip on fresh Tostitos when we could not help but to overhear the table behind us ordering from the nice Mexican gentleman.

"I want Tacos. I want them hard too. But I don't want no Mexican cheese. I want American cheese. You got Dat?"

The waiter must have nodded because the next guy was already ordering.

I want tacos too but I want mine soft. I want ... this here ... trio ...it's got meat, chicken and pork. No Lattice," he commanded.

"Lattice? He going to eat a fence?"

Sarah is from somewhere up north and was not understanding the southern pronunciation of lettuce.

"Well then," said the third. "I suppose I'll be having Tacos too. I don't want no lattice neither. And I don't want no damn tomatoes. I'll take my cheese made in the gold ol' U.S. of A too. And ... hum ... I want beans. You boys want beans? I'm having me some beans."

"Yep we want beans," they said in unison. "Hell yeah we want 'em!"

"Sarah my love," I said staring at her while continuing to hold her hand, "is the cast of Duck Dynasty sitting behind me?"

"Yep," she said butchering a fine southern word.

I don't watch Duck Dynasty. Dedra watches Duck Dynasty and after ranting and raving about how wonderful it is, Sarah and I turned it on one night. It reminded me of the people in Congress and I threw up in my mouth a little and immediately turned the channel to M*A*S*H to find sanity.

Dedra has been in hiding since all of this happened and for all I know she sleeping with these Duck Dynasty people. She is from those parts.

Thankfully we were finished with our romantic lunch and decided to have dessert when we got home, if you know what I mean (wink wink nudge nudge).

Standing to leave, sure enough they looked like Duck Dynasty people having Mexican food in the Mall on a Saturday afternoon.

The fine Mexican waiter, immaculacy dressed in a red vest, white shirt and black trousers with creases said "Thank you in perfect English. I hope they did not bother you."

"Oh no," I said thanking him for his excellent service.

"By law we can't discriminate," he whispered into my ear.

"Nor should we," I replied "We need these people. I don't know why we need them. But we must need them for something."