Mitch Welsey got in touch with me yesterday because he wants us to start our own morning radio show. We'd play really good music, Mitch would fill listeners in on everything that nobody knows about the song or the band. I'd make fun of politicians, current events and religious hypocrisy.
There is no doubt in our minds that the morning show would be incredibly popular while being very politically in-correct yet still drawing the wrath of most anyone of significance in music, politics, current events and religion.
The fact that no radio station, owner, or programmer has given us any thought whatsoever is totally insignificant. Mitch and I attended both college and then Seminary together so God is overriding the decision makers while calling Mitch and I to do this.
At the same time, Mitch retired recently and has a lot of time on his hands.
He also lives in Milledgeville, Georgia and unless you're enthralled by one of the largest strip malls in America, there's not a lot to hold your attention there.
There is a college and a closed mental health facility but the people of Milledgeville kept confusing the two. Instead of diplomas, graduates got prescriptions for Zanax while patients received graduate degrees in Political Science (which explains the leadership of the Southern Baptist Convention, half the population of Atlanta, Jerry Rainy and Congress).
Nevertheless, I love Mitch and if he wants to give this a shot then I'm in.
I've already started writing the political commentary. Mayor Edna Jackson of Savannah would be portrayed as Weezy on the Jeffersons. County Commission Chairman Pete Liakakis is Jack Lalanne with a side job selling diet pills and "Hair Care for Men" products. Governor Nathan Deal is the Unknown Comic and Newt Gringrich is the Pillsbury Doe Boy. Mitt Romney was named after catcher's glove that kept dropping the ball. President Obama would be the reincarnation of Calvin Coolege as a black man.
Certainly you are beginning to glimpse how zany and funny we're going to be.
This isn't all though.
Mitch knows everything about music so he will enlighten listeners with useless information ... like the Ronettes classic Da do run run is really about a drug bust.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow was written after the Lion, the Tin Man and Dorothy smoked the Scarecrow having found that he wasn't stuffed with hay after all.
And the old gospel hymn Victory in Jesus was initially conceived while Eugene Monroe Bartlett watched two girls wrestle in a pool filled with Jello (he was for the girl in the blue bikini who obviously won).
We'll have special guests on the show. Mark Wood has nothing to do so he is going to come on every day and inform listeners how to transform their porches and decks into international corporate headquarters and other decorating tips.
Dedra Shuman will ... I'm not certain what she will do. I'm never certain what she will do. Hell, I'm never certain what she does. But she'll do something.
Micheal Guido died several years ago and we are after the incredibly famous Sr. Guy Salyes to take his place with little 30 second devotionals that will leave people crying, scratching their heads, or planting gardens (see above reference to the Scarecrow being smoked).
Bill Berry (not the former drummer for R.E.M. but the other one who went to Seminary with Mitch and me) will ... probably never show up.
Johnny O will deliver the news every half hour.
Judy O will deliver the news every fifteen minutes correcting everything that Johnny O got wrong on the half hour.
The Samuel Adams Band who play damn good live music on Tybee Island will be the house band and Bar Church will be broadcast live every Sunday morning during cocktails and on Wednesday nights at eleven.
The Breakfast Club caters all Micheal & Mitch events (billing is separate).
I have to go.
Wen is taking photographs of Sarah in a bikini for promotional purposes only. Seriously! They are for promotional purposes only!
Seriously!
I gotta go.
