The Burning of the Tree

I finally burned the Christmas Tree last night.

Yep ... the one from December.

First Sarah allows me to keep it up and decorated in our house until after the Super Bowl ... the official end of the Holiday Season.

In spite of the brown needles, the aroma of Christmas wafts through the rottenness of January into the first full week of February ... then winter's almost over ... and who really gives a rat's ass about winter.

Well ... except for Bill Berry (not the former drummer for REM but the other one) who lost his mind a long time ago at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary ... along with lots of other up-and-coming "Professional Christians" ... who loves snow.

And the girls who love ice skating ... outside ... on actual ice ... which is C.O.L.D. ... but I retain high hopes they will grow out of it.

Anyway ... after taking the Christmas Tree down and throwing it on the Beloved Back Deck, I wait until it's warm enough to actually sit outside and burn it.

Yesterday was such a day.

The windows are open ... the sliding glass doors are too ... so I cut up the Christmas Tree and burn it in the fire pit.

Just like Jesus and the Little Drummer Boy commanded us to do in the Bible.

Christmas Trees burn with a SNAP ... CRACKLE ... and POP ... unlike ordinary trees.

I hate giving up the Tree but am very excited about Spring and warm weather so it makes everything better.

So happy burning of the tree!

Merry Spring to all!

Summers almost here!

An Honest Church Belletin

I wonder if God gives a damn the Bulletins aren't done in time for Bar Church.

It's my fault.

I'm supposed to email whatever's inside to Mary by Thursday but life's awful busy these days and I didn't get it to her in time.

Honestly I've always been a bit suspicious of Bulletins anyway.

Worship officially starts at 11:00 on Sunday morning ... white people over there ... black people on the other side ... God forbid they mix ... and while you can act religious prior to worship beginning it's not real worship until 11:00 ... thus the Bulletin tells me so.

I always thought it would be funny to do a Bulletin like this.

11:00 Worship Begins

11:01 Sing a Hymn

11:05 Have a Prayer

11:12 Join the Pastor in saying "Amen" ... allow for 10 more minutes of praying if the Church is African-American, Pentecostal or Southern Baptist.

11:13 - 11:25 Announcements ... meaning ... you're going to be hit up to do things for free that the "Professional Christians are paid to do."

11:26 - 11:30 Another Hymn

11:31 - 11:35 Special Music ... meaning ... the good stuff's happening ... at least as good as the Church has to offer ... it's sort of "God Idol" instead of "American Idol" ... some Churches got really good stuff ... others should go home before even trying.


11:35-11:40 While really sappy piano and organ music is played ... the offering plates are passed because nothing is free ... you have to pay for the sermon before you hear it ... unlike tipping ... you gotta buy something you haven't heard yet ... and it's often God awful!

(Now ... in my Bulletin ... this would happen.)

11:41 GOD ARRIVES

(The reality in Church Bulletins.)

11:41 The Sermon

11:42 People get fidgety, check out the legs of the girls wearing dresses ... the asses of boys ... I-phone ... read the rest of the Bulletin ... stare out the stained glass wishing it will all be over soon.

12:00 - God knows when ... it's over.

12:01 - God knows when ... Postlude.

Now that's an honest Church Bulletin!

Everything's pretty much true except what happens at 11:41.