It is warm in Philadelphia.
On all of these trips warm winds have blown me in and out of town. In Santa Barbara I brought flip-flops. In Anchorage I bought tee shirts because I'd packed for Antartica. Today I have the offical uniform of working on behalf of people on the streets ... black polo tee, kaki pants and loafers. Thank God I threw in the short sleeves as I packed yesterday.
The warm winds of the south have stayed with me and I am grateful. A year ago only cold winds blew, tenderness had fled, my heart was tired, worn and broken. Once you go through such things you never forget what the pain feels like. In the right circumstances, in the wrong mood, or merely because a certain song comes on ... I can instantly be transported back into the cold pain.
It's hard not to become guarded. Once you've been hurt you don't want to experience it again. So defenses quickly become the norm. We hold pieces of ourselves back ... just in case. Trust is always circumspect. Love becomes this balancing act of giving only as much as I receive.
I've never been one to hold back ... much anytime. Live to excess because it's just the one life we have and I've always been determine to make the most of it. Though it all fell apart a couple of years ago, I still still believe and the times I find myself becoming guarded, I fight it. I want to love completely and be completely loved because in the end that really is what life is supposed to be. And if the Bible is right then God is to be found somewhere in that love.
Sitting here this morning, sipping coffee I ponder these things. I feel better today. The last couple of days have been rough. I was sick but still had things to do. So I slept through most of them on Monday and spent yesterday here working late into the night. Afterwards I collpased on the hotel room bed and talked into the night. Fitfull sleep followed.
A new day now dawns. A blazing sun appears over the skyline of the city and a magnificant blue sky has been washed clean of any clouds. And ... a warm wind blows.
I have a busy day. The first meeting begins shortly and will last until lunch. Then there is a speech to give. Tonight there is another dinner to attend.
But I start with these morning prayers, asking for forgiveness for those I've let down ... strength to do the right things at the right time and to not force it ... for laughter to come my way ... for Mona Lisa smiles ... for home.
