I fondly recall Jeremy, Kristen and Chelsea as kids happily singing along with "Santa Claus is coming to town" or "Silent Night."
But they grew up and moved out and I mostly celebrated the Holidays alone, not really hearing the music as I often struggled to just get through the damn Season.
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas," Cassidy, Sarah's 8 year old, softly sings sitting in her bedroom floor, putting her shoes on, looking like a tiny Angel with a thoughtful glow on her face.
She stops me dead in my tracks by the sheer beauty of her innocence and hope.
A wall crumbles in my mind and I vividly recall the same beauty in my children when they were small.
My heart shakes in a way that it hasn't in years.
Laurel, Sarah's 10 year old, enters a room like Kramer on "Seinfeld," loudly singing "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" and while there's little Angelic about it, she is a ball of utter joy!
Maddie, the 13 year old who already knows everything while being clueless about anything, quietly sings "Away in Manger" as though it's a prayer, ignoring the rest of us, intensely focusing on the song.
Rushing to ready herself for work, Sarah's very Angelic voice warms the kitchen asking "Mary do you know?" as she pours the last of the coffee down the drain and rushes to find the right shoes for work.
I find myself delighting in their sounds of the season.
When did I become cynical enough to lose the joys of Christmas Carols?
I understand why it happened ... loss of loved ones, work that never ended, exhaustion, money to make and bills to pay ... being alone at Christmas even if someone else was with me.
As I write this, Cassidy stumbles into the kitchen, hair askew from her pillow, wearing a shirt her Daddy gave her, stretching out her arms for me to pick her up.
"Will you help me find Chester?" she asks already full of anticipation.
Chester is the little Elf who hides in a different place every morning so the girls can find him.
I've been given the gift of doing it all again.
It's hard to repeat most anything in life but here I am ... listening to children singing Christmas songs ... reminding me of the ghosts of Christmas past ... the joy of Christmas present ... and the hope of many Christmases to come.
