When I was on chemotherapy we went to Target, though I was much too sick to go but that's how we try to live. Act like everything's normal for Che even though it's clearly not.
Sarah guides me to a shopping cart for "people in need" and we carry on.
Through the thick clouds of cancer fog, I see people looking at me inquisitively.
"They're looking at my muscles," Sarah loudly laughs, pushing me down the aisle.
Che climbs aboard to ride with me.
We forget about everyone else as I focus all of my energy on enjoying bing out with my family, and not throwing up.
I'm no longer on chemo so I don't have to ride anymore, now strolling hand in hand with Sarah and Che. I'm slow and not always steady. When we're out, I'm focusing so much on "being in the moment" it seems I'm ignoring anyone or anything else. It simply takes all of my energy and focus to go anywhere, and I'm only good for an hour or so before I'm too exhausted and overwhelmed to carry on.
Consequently, I don't get out much anymore but when I do, my focus is on Sarah and Che and not much else.
Sarah asks if I want to go to Walmart with her and I'm up to it, so we make our way.
It feels good to be outside, almost normal.
I follow along as Sarah and Che meander throughout the store, a little overwhelmed by everything going on around me. People dart in and out of my view. Most are preoccupied with their own shopping, though some make eye contact and I either nod or look away.
A lady pushes her husband in a shopping cart past me, stopping me dead in my tracks, and I sigh at the inevitability of my own frailty.
At that moment Sarah grabs one hand as Che grabs the other, pulling me back into my safety zone.
Shoppings done, we check out and make our way to the car. After we get inside, the woman pushes her husband to the car parked beside ours. We watch as she struggles to get him from the cart and into the car.
"That's going to be us in four or five years," Sarah says.
I burst out laughing. "Four or five years?!"
Sarah laughs and drives us to the safety of home.
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I had no idea how hard My Celebration of Life would be but you can help at
https://gofund.me/ffda4f4b
