Sarah's awake but still in bed, cozy under the quilts, tapping away on her I-Phone. Winston, The Little Gay Dog, is curled up in a ball beside her.
All is quiet as her girls are away and we're coming down from celebrating a romantic evening at Billy's Place in Savannah last night. It was a long leisurely meal, with a fine pianist in a historic building making us feel we're somewhere in Europe.
The sliding glass door opens and my Guardian Angel floats inside and takes the seat across from me.
She looks good for once. Her long black hair has been washed, her white robe and blue stole is relatively clean and her broken wing has duct tape on it so it's at the same height as the other.
"What's up?" I ask with suspicion.
"Making the rounds before heading to the Heavenly banquet," she cheerily answers. "Not that I want to but the Boss is going to ask what everyone's thankful for and I've got to give a report on assignments ... meaning YOU!"
"HOLY SHIT!" I exclaim. "YOU"RE SOBER!"
She gives me the evil eye which is very disconcerting because Angels shouldn't do such things.
Then again my Guardian Angel drinks beer followed with shots of bourbon, chain smokes, is always dirty and her robe is forever sliding down her shoulder so she comes close to flashing me. She's woken me up drunk out of her mind, showed up unexpected (and unwanted!) in bars I'm in, and is forever flipping me off with her middle finger.
Most Guardian Angels have a hundred people to look after but mine's permanently pissed I'm her full time assignment.
"So," she begins laying her white hands on the table, "what are you thankful for this year?"
"Seriously?" I laugh. "You've got to give a report to God and all the other Angels on what I'm thankful for?"
Her left eye twitches as her fingers impatiently drum the table.
"Alright," I say. "Jesus I don't want to make you mad ... well, let's see ... Sarah of course! She's the best! ... all the kids are healthy ... Moms doing well ... I really like what we're doing at work ..."
Out of nowhere a pen and scroll appear and she jots down the things I'm saying.
"Hey," I say watching her write, "What about the things I'm not thankful for? I want to list those too."
She sighs loudly and a tall boy Pabst Blue Ribbon appears in her left hand. She takes a long draw before looking at me again with the evil eye.
"This cold weather sucks," I begin my non-thankful list. "I hate it. And why in the hell did Aaron Murray's Guardian Angel leave the game early last week? Speaking of which, when did Heaven start getting involved in college football games? Tipping that pass at Auburn was just sinful ... though ... I did like the whole Georgia Southern/Florida thing!"
A cigarette appears in her right hand and she immediately inhales deeply.
"Have there been budget cuts in Heaven?" I continue, "because apparently nobody up there gives a shit about what's going on in Washington. I mean does anybody watch FOX NEWS up there?"
A tumbler of bourbon appears and she shoots it and chases with the beer. Another can appears out of nowhere.
"Then there's Miley Cyrus's new video ..."
My Guardian Angel stands up and says, "Shut up."
I stare at her without speaking.
"You know what," she begins, "Never Mind. I'm going to just start with you are thankful for Sarah and make everything else up. Finish your coffee! I'm out-a-here."
"You gonna lie to God?" I ask and realize the mistake as the words leave my mouth.
The duct tape comes loose and her broken right wind falls to one side. She crushes the beer can and throws it on the floor. Ashes fall on the table from her cigarette.
I sit down and fold my hands between my knees.
She backs away without saying a word, all the time giving me the evil eye. The sliding glass door magically opens and she disappears.
"Are you talking to somebody?" Sarah sleepily yells from the bedroom.
"Ummmm, well ... yes but not really," I tell her.
"Why don't you come back to bed," she suggest.
"Why that's a grand idea," I say standing up. "Give me one second. I need to say a prayer for someone whose going to have a rough day today. I just hate that for her.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone else!
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