I've thrown away the blues
I'm tired of being used
I want everyone to know
I'm looking for a good time
I was never a fan of The Commodores but I love this song. Sail On is about failed relationships. Lionel Richie says, "It seemed everyone around me were getting divorced and I was having lots of conversations so I put myself in their place." Where he put himself was taking stock of the reality that you can give and give only to get nothing in return. So it all breaks down and you're left with a choice ... will yourself to a better place or wallow in it.
Yesterday, in the middle of work I was told that I'm giving too much of myself away again ... for free. AND people are taking advantage of me ... AGAIN. Having already given a lot to a group I've been working with, yesterday they asked for more. I shared it with my friends who went off on me.
"You're too nice," I was told ... AGAIN.
Strolling out to the Beloved Back Deck, which is Corporate Headquarters, I acknowledged that old patterns repeating themselves. My friend Bill Bowling (Georgia Trends Magazine's 2012 "Georgian of the Year") told me a couple of years ago, "Mike, if you give them your all ... make no mistake ... they will take it."
I thought it was one of the most profound things I'd ever heard.
I wish I'd have listened to him.
I didn't.
At the time, everybody had taken it all. I had nothing left. Union Mission had warned me out. In a profession where the average tenure is 2.7 years, I'd lasted 23. At the end, I was begging for a break but was told no. They just kept taking ... my time, energy, wife, passion. The bitch of it all is that I gave it to them. Because I loved the work, the people and the things we'd accomplished.
For a year-and-a-half now, I've worked hard to get back to myself. I've moved along.
Just like it cost me a lot to get here, it's sure as hell cost me a lot to get back to me. Everything costs ... emotionally and monetarily.
So today, I'm sailing on ... literally.
The Carnival of Friends will caravan to CoCo Beach to get on a Carnival Cruise and sail to the Bahamas. I'm taking a break from Bar Church, Street Medicine, responding to the people asking me to do things, and Goddess. The people who've loved me most over the last year-and-a-half and I are going to celebrate.
A lot remains to figure out in my life. My new family is being born. Creativity abounds again. I'm very aware of the things that I don't want again and I've got a pretty good idea of the things I want to keep.
Last night, lying in bed, it was hard to sleep because of the excitement of travel. I've been ready to go for days. Yeah I know, I'm leaving one island to go to others ... it's one of the things I love most about me.
Besides I've seen enough cities and the biggest and tallest mountains are all under the ocean. And you can have my life's allocation of snow.
In the car this morning, an old song came on the radio. As it reminded me of all of the things I've been though ... all that I've given and everything that's been taken ... it ends with a bit of reggae and island sound with a promise ...
Sail on honey, good times never looked so good.
