It's hard to make friends when you're half dead in the grave, but I ain't dead yet and I got something to say.
Lord Huron sang that and I couldn't agree more.
Of course I've always had something to say and, well, I've pretty much said it all, very publicly.
The time to say things is running out though, and I'm increasingly mindful of it.
When I was first diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer almost 5 years ago, Sarah got me a journal to leave for Che.
"The Story of My Life" is to be written by me, promted with questions to answer, so I can leave it to Che as a gift, after I'm gone.
I dove in with great enthusiasm, finishing half.
Then multiple surgeries and chemo, made me stop and I haven't thought about the journey in years now.
Recently, Sarah meanders into the room, pulls the book out, lays it beside me without saying anything, and walks away.
It's time to finish, she says without saying.
Writing is much more difficult now for me. It takes focus and energy, of which I'm in short supply, and that which I do have, I spend on Sarah and Che. Sometimes there's enough left over to spend on other things.
Reading again what I wrote when I was first diagnosed surprises me, because I'm brutally honest in everything.
Now I mostly write for an audience of one.
I'm getting ready for the part of her life that I'm not going to be as actively present.
My time's running out and I have a deadline to make.
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Gift My Celebration of Life
https://gofund.me/ffda4f4b
