Sometimes I'm held captive by the phone.
The phone has won so far.
It started with, what may ... or may-not ... have been a butt-dial.
"Why in the Hell would she be calling me?" I ask out loud trying to write.
Returning her call she commences into an avalanche of words far outnumbering anything I'll write.
She goes on and one ... so I take my shirt off and throw it on the chair.
The sun's nice and it's warm and ... well I've been meaning to move plants around on the Beloved Back Deck anyway ... so I put her on speaker and repot plants as she talks like a Congressman on a filibuster.
Lou Reed's singing in the background from my computer as my phone chirps ... so with dirty black hands I pick it up and see Sarah's calling.
I'd really like to talk to my wife but as techno savvy as I am ... I always seem to hang up on someone when I juggle calls and I know she loves me enough to know ... I'm on the phone and suck at juggling calls without hanging up on someone.
"Uh-Huh," I yell from one end of the Beloved Back Deck to the other as the woman speaks without ceasing ... as I move the heavy plants from one corner to the other.
Goddess and Winston, The Little Gay Dog, paw the screen door wanting to come out to be in solidarity with me as the woman simply will not shut up.
The phone chirps and it's Sarah again.
"Hey," I yell at the phone rubbing the dogs, "my next call is at 9:30."
"Oh, aren't you the big man," the woman who speaks without ceasing says. "Fine! I'll call you back."
Hanging up I take Sarah's call.
After a quick message ending with "I love you", my phone immediately chirps and I cuss.
"Well aren't you the big man," the woman who speaks without ceasing says.
"Not really," I answer watching Winston, TLGD, lick himself.
"I'm listening to you on National Public Radio right now," she explains, "while I'm driving."
"That's old," I tell her, "but the best part is Davy Cahill taking his wife fruit during my sermon."
Half an hour later she's finally spent her words, the Beloved Back Deck looks great, the dogs want to go back inside, my tan is deeper and I haven't gotten a damn thing done.
Finally ... I sit and get to work ... when the phone chirps.
It's my son.
There are times in a career when you give everything you have to work or ... you talk to your family and ... work on your tan ... leaving work for another day.
Today is one of those days.
