I'm here with Death, also known as the Grim Reaper, The Destroyer, The Hooded One, The Angel of Death, & The "God" of Death.
Death's always around and SHE's agreed to answer a few questions.
The first thing to know about the Grim Reaper is she's a woman.
Honestly I'm a bit surprised and I don't know why I presumed Death is exclusively man work so I want to begin by apologizing.
"Oh that's all right. If I think people are too sexist I just take them ... you know what I'm saying?"
I nod and wait.
"You're still here so I'm alright with you," she smirks.
I exhale a sigh of relief.
"Besides I don't know why everybody's so shocked to find out I'm female. Like all women I'm into fashion and set the trend to dress in black ages ago! That's why so many women dress in black today and I'm happy to see it crossing over sexual lines and men dressing in black too ... especially in large urban areas and across Europe."
"So is this where the phrase 'dress to kill' comes from?"
"Of course," she flashes a brilliant grin.
"I've got several questions everybody's always wanted to ask you so do you mind if we get right to it?," I forge ahead.
"Not at all."
"Good! Okay first question ... Beatles or Stones?
"Well ... obviously The Rolling Stones."
Because of "Sympathy for the Devil"?
"No! Because I'm so sick of the opening riff of 'Satisfaction' it inspires my work. That's why I haven't taken Keith Richards ... I think it hurts him more to listen to that damn opening riff every single day he's alive."
"I see."
"Next question ... you seem to work in 3's ... meaning people seem to die in 3's ... one ... two ... three ... why is that?"
"Honestly it's because I like Sudoku. I can't get enough of it. So three at a time is all I can manage before I take a break and play some more."
"Sudoku? Really?"
"It's better than wasting time on Facebook."
"Right. So ... why are you so white? I'm wearing sunglasses just to conduct this interview. Don't you ever get out in the sun? Have a little Beach time?"
"Well I do own a time share in Myrtle Beach which I'm always using to comp customers ..."
"Wait! Comp Customers? Who's your customer?"
"Funeral Homes, elected officials and televangelists."
"Of course ... um ... what can we expect from you in the future?"
"More of the same. It's a pretty boring job but ... it's a living."
"That's funny," I laugh.
"Oh?" she asks in a not so pleasant way and the interview is abruptly over.
Death disappears and I'm left alone holding my pipe in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other.
It's good I'd asked all the important questions already and I'm satisfied with the results.
Leaving the table to find Sarah and Che, I stop dead in my tracks as Alexa plays the opening riff to "I can't get no satisfaction."
