Follow me here ...
As near as I can see there are 3 ways to die.
(1) FUCK! I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!! And they're shot, run over, fall off a mountain, have a heart attack or lay in their recliner watching the News waiting on the wife to bring the ice cream and ... that's that!
(2) "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M DYING! YOU STUPID MORON! I AIN'T DYING!" And they hook themselves up to machines, take amazing quantities of drugs to make themselves feel alive again, ask for copious amounts of prayer, makes deals with the Devil and fight like Hell sometimes even though they've already lost.
(3) "I AIN'T NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. IT'S A LITTLE SCARY." And they lay there in acceptance, saying goodbye to everyone they need to, giving whatever advice they're compelled to give, taking the time to take one last look around ... at birds singing, music playing, waves rolling in and out, the faces of their children and ... it's like going to sleep for them ... except with a hiccup or jerk at the end given the definite impression they've moved on.
Still with me?
I'm beginning to believe people die like they live.
I mean how in the world are some people still here at all? They're goofy wanderers through life waiting on whatever's going to happen. They don't plan, read or think yet somehow ... inexpiably they keep their jobs, never moving too far up and rarely getting fired but never really doing much either ... just waiting life out ... until something happens.
Then there's the pissed off people who are mad at everything! Believing everything should always go their way when hardly anything ever does, they know with unwavering conviction they are entitled! They're everywhere but unusually large numbers are politicians, preachers, philanders and people who work in the News Industry. They deserve everything ... and take advantage of anything ... even if it's at your expense because ... Goddammit! ... it's meant for them anyway.
And there are those who accept ... perhaps not always gratefully ... what they have, who they're with and where they're at. Wistfully, they sometimes wish they could still do things they used to ... or do some things they never have ... but every day's a good one even if there's no idea whatsoever of what it holds.
Me?
I've mellowed about life.
Crazy, unplanned things are going to happen and there's no getting around them, though I've found most are survivable. At least I've survived lots of things I had no business surviving.
It takes a lot to piss me off anymore. Anger takes too much energy and over time I've come to know it's never particularly rewarding to be pissed. Unless it's something big like bullying or racism or meanness ... anger rarely helps anything.
For reasons I do not understand or fully appreciate, I have a wife who loves me richly, children and grandchildren filling my life, work I enjoy, living in a beautiful place that suits me. Oh yeah, there are lots of times I wish I were somewhere else or could do something again but ... day by day ... this is pretty damn good!
Last night I had a lunch date with Cassidy our 9 year old. At Chick-Fill-A, as she gobbled down two, and I sipped wine I'd snuck in, she asks, "How much longer you think you got Micheal?"
Well who's prepared for such a question?
"I mean," she mumbles with a full mouth, "you gonna be here to see Baby Che's baby?"
"I hope so," I answer as she lovingly looks at me, loudly slurping her Coke.
"Can I go to work with you?" she asks changing subjects.
"Why?"
"I can make them feel better," she confidently shoots.
"You know Cass," I tell her taking the last bite of my spicy chicken sandwich, "I know you can too. You make me feel better."
Smiling she asks, "Can we go to Starbucks? I want some birthday cake pops."
I hate Starbucks. It's the McDonalds of coffee.
"Absolutely," I say and on the way home, she gives me something I never would have otherwise had in life ... a bite of birthday cake pop.
