Two psychological examinations, a logic test and a personality profile proved interesting as it's been several decades since I was required to take a test.
By the time I completed my academic career I'd mastered test taking.
At Seminary the Baptists requires all incoming students to take a battery of test to weed out women, gay people, those with scientific tendencies and intellectuals of any kind.
Since I'm not any of these I was allowed in ... only to be thrown out later because of theology.
Afterwards I was forced to go take tests administered by "Christian" psychologists employed by the Home Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention.
Sitting in the waiting room with other potential "Professional Christians" I watched husbands comforting their crying wives.
"Everything okay?" I ask flipping through the "Rolling Stone" I'd brought with me to pass time waiting to be called ... (Get it? That's a great joke!)
"It was horrible," the wife explains. "He asked very intimate questions about our sex life."
"Really?" I ask completely intrigued dropping the magazine to the floor.
At that precise moment I'm called inside and the "Christian" psychologist asks me to describe myself.
"Aren't you going to ask me about my sex life?" I retort.
Leaning back with a frown he intertwines his fingers in front of face like Mr. Spock on "Star Trek" flipping open my very thick file.
"You have two children," he says staring at the large brown file. "I assume you've mastered sex."
"You shouldn't make assumptions," I remind him. "They can make an "Ass" out of "U" and "ME."
"Get out," he yells.
I have no idea what I made on that particular test but I passed and became a "Professional Christian" until I was thrown out several years later.
I hadn't remembered these things until I took the 4 tests the other day.
THEN ... on Face book I get countless invitations from friends wanting me to take a test ... "Which Rock Star am I?" ... "Which President would I be?" ... "What book is the real you?" ... "Which Michael Jackson body parts would he grab that mostly represents you?"
I haven't taken any of them.
I already know who I am.
Sarah's husband ... the Father of my children ... One of the best friends her girls will ever have ... a believer in others ... a encourager ... a writer ... a man with many talents who really who really wants to be a Rock Star.
Oh ... and someone who apparently has mastered Sex.
According to the tests.
