"You make dying sound fun and nice," my friend Christian points out and I suppose that I do, focusing on the living and not the dying.
He's who's not busy doing one is doing the other, Nobel Prize winner Bob Dylan sang, and I suppose that's what I'm doing.
A lot of people get cancer, or sick, and focus on dying, or what's going wrong, instead of living now and before you know it, things are bad.
I'm not doing that.
I'm focusing on what I've got now and making the most of it while I've got it.
That meant dispensing cares about things like a funeral, which I have absolutely no investment in, or a party either before I die, or soon after, that's simply a major inconvenience for anyone involved, and I don't want that.
Having released ourselves from these, I'm free to focus on things that bring me joy.
Mostly hanging out with Sarah and Che.
We float in the "celebration of life" pool in the backyard, every single day. Often, multiple times.
We love our moments.
There's no such thing as a great ending, otherwise everybody would do them repeatedly.
Throughout my life, I've been surprised by my endings.
Graduations, marriages, work, friendships, hopes, dreams and wishes all came as a shock when they ended without me having any real idea what was happening, and I'm resolved to not be surprised now that I'm at the end.
"Dad, will you be alive when I can drive?" Che asks, "cause I'll drive you anywhere you want to go."
"Awe Baby that is so sweet" and she looks at me with giant blue moon eyes, I answer, "Probably not", shrugging my shoulders and smiling.
It's coming and there's no use in denying it, so we don't, talking about dying openly when it's needed.
But it's not something we dwell on.
We're too busy living in the moment.
"I'm going to get some dirt," Sarah says, completing her list, "so we can plant the Banana Trees we got you for Father's Day."
Che told me I have to stay alive until they bloom.
We'll plant them together, planing for the worse while hoping for the best.
In the meantime, I'm focusing everything I've got on my joys of living every single day.
Caressing Sarah's feet in the evening.
Snuggling with Che on the sofa sharing TikToks.
Following behind Lainey as she drags me on walks most every morning.
And floating on our backs in the pool, looking at the clouds, and staying lost in these moments, because they're all we have anyway.
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My Celebration is winding down keep to the end while Sarah and Che have a whole new beginning! You can be part of their future at https://gofund.me/ffda4f4b