About Face

It was a wonderful start to a wonderful day! The morning was full of sweet surprises and comforts. It was hard to leave the island for a lunch meeting in town with one of the people that I used to work with at Union Mission. That was pleasant enough as I hadn’t seen her in a year and we’d worked together for more than a decade.

Then I returned to the island and the day just exploded. It was as though I was happily dancing along when someone screams, “ABOUT FACE!” The sweetness of the morning became a depressed and gloomy afternoon. As hard as I tried I just couldn’t recapture the promises of the morning.

As the sun started to set I grabbed Goddess and went for a walk throwing prayers to the sky that the evening and tomorrow will be better. God maintained her customary silence. But it was a beautiful sunset over the marsh which is turning greener every day. The choirs of mussels were in full song.

I am not celebrating it as I have been of late. I’m off kilter, out of step with myself.

“This was unexpected, what do we do now?” Mary Magdalene asks in ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ after Jesus is arrested and carted off leaving his followers dazed and confused at the sudden turn of events. “Could we start again please?”

Goddess leads me along the Back River as I’m lost in thought pondering this pilgrimage that I’ve been on for the past year. Life has become a celebration again. The little boy inside of me woke up and playfulness is back. The once extinguished fire in my belly burns again. I can taste the future that I want.

I remember all of the things I’ve done to get here. It’s been a difficult and bumpy journey. A year and a half ago I wanted to occupy an empty tomb and roll the stone over its entrance myself. Thankfully there were others who didn’t think this was the greatest idea. So they intervened and these tiny beams of light shone into my dark world.

After that, this haphazard series of events commenced. Stuff started making its way to me. Invitations to travel across the country led to plane tickets and trips. Old friends came back from the dead. The empty tomb that I was living in began to fill with life. Laughter erupted.

It didn’t happen all at once.

It was like a Ferris wheel ride. I started at the bottom, going up … then down again. Then up … only to stop at the top and marvel at how far I’ve come. Then slide backwards a little bit … then up over the top again, before all of the way down and then starting all over. During parts of it you scream as your throat drops into your stomach and at other times you smile in wonder and contentment.

That’s what this journey has been like I think as Goddess leads me along the Back River. I conclude that this is what life is really like.

“I’ve been on bottom and I’ve been on top,” sings Dan Fogelberg, “but mostly I’ve lived in-between. Where do you go when you get to the end of your dreams?”

I know the answer.

To new dreams ... different ones ... new loves … to a new you …

That which was once old is made new … my house … my work … my circle of friends … my kids … my love … ME!

Goddess leads me home. The day has been a Ferris wheel climbing to the top then dropping me to the bottom. Standing on the beloved back deck I stare at the stars up in the sky.

Up there!

“I touched you this morning,” I say out loud, “before dropping back a bit. But I’ll be back. And this time I’m grabbing hold and not letting go.”

The stars are silent in response.

I laugh. “Fine,” I tell them. “But you’ve been warned.”