She's got a lot on her mind.
I remember those days.
Every waking moment ... including those that come in the middle of the night ... concentrates on the things at hand.
The day begins and every body demands everything at the same time as I do my best to remain focused on what's being accomplished, who's a distraction and focusing on the new possibilities or opportunities.
I do it well for a long time.
Then it's time for other things though change is never easy and I certainly went through a lot to get from then to now.
Today starts incredibly early because of the school system's transportation schedules so Sarah's up before me taking total responsibility for three other lives while also managing her own and keeping me focused.
I do my best to help or stay out the way when I'm not needed or wanted.
For decades I was the boss ... a mostly benevolent dictator ... profitably taking care of hundreds ... though I've abdicated the position and now my wife is clearly in charge of most everything.
Back in the day people line up asking me for lots of things ... most humbly so but some arrogant as Hell ... with impossible demands or needing easy solutions ... the vast majority immediately disappearing when they got what they want though a small handful linger in my life.
Now I'm the one approaching Sarah with requests ... "Can we do this?" ... "Why don't we go there?"
She lets me know.
Now, I mostly think ... write ... tell stories ... serve as a "parental advisor" to the girls ... occasionally give advice to our kids ... play guitar ... and pray.
I think I do them well.
She lets me know.
In many ways I'm everything I've always been ... smart, capable, fast, direct, articulate, creative and outside of the box ... though I'm no longer in a hurry, understand people don't always do what they say they will, nor remain a part of life but come and go and am far more appreciative of what I have and who's stuck with me.
"Are you sad?" Laurel the 9 year old asks as we lounge in the pool.
"No," I reply.
"You seem sad," she says giving me a kiss floating beside me.
Perhaps I do but it's more of a quiet, contemplative, acceptance of my current realities ... often punctuated by brilliant sarcastic humor.
Occasionally Sarah actually laughs.
I'm very proud of all the things I've done ... sure there are some I would change if given the chance but it is what it is ... and it's been the long, strange trip to NOW ... and I really like NOW ... and don't want to have to get here again.
After being so big, my world is tiny now but whereas before it was filled with demands ... NOW it's mostly love ... with minor distractions.
"Love turns you upside down," according to Grey's Anatomy and the Bible.
Sitting here looking at my life today, it's definitely upside down.
But ... as our daughter Kristen once magnificently demonstrated when we're Scuba Diving 60 feet deep and she floats by upside down ... legs crossed, her arms folded ... seemingly deep in thought.
"Why were you floating upside down?" I ask back on the boat.
"It's more interesting that way," she matter of factly responds.
It's taken me all these years to understand and appreciate what she was saying.
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