Most of my thoughts are about Che who I spend far more time with than any other human being these days.
I talk to her mother Sarah far more than I do anyone else but in terms of waking hours, I spend more time with our 16 month old daughter.
It's very cool ... though I can sense you thinking, "Glad it's not me!"
A couple of times each night, intuitively anticipating her waking, I hear the formations of a cry ... a whimper really ... and spring out of bed so to not wake Sarah ... who believes she's really good at night feedings ... probably is actually ... but there's always Hell to pay for it the next morning ... so it's just easier for us if I'm the one springing out of bed to stick a bottle in Che's mouth.
Immediately our baby falls back asleep though it takes me a good quarter of an hour.
As the sun begins to bubble out of the Ocean, Che wakes excited for the day, dances in her crib when I open the Nursery door ... laughs out loud, retrieves her pacifier and hands me empty bottles ... gets changed and I lay her in bed with Sarah while I stumble to the outdoor shower.
Mother and daughter watch videos on the phone until I grab Che who blows a kiss to Sarah and we take off to begin another day of adventure.
And every day is one!
Breezing inside the Breakfast Club for coffee, Che's part of the family ... is passed around ... helps set up ... eats with the staff ... munches on bacon I put her back in the car seat.
Cranking up the radio to our favorite rock-n-roll ... we cruise down front ... along Butler checking out how many cars are in the Hotel lots ... read the sign in front of City Hall proclaiming, "WELCOME TO TYBEE! For your convenience you can pay your fines in advance" ... make our way pass the Camp Ground crammed full of luxury on wheels ... come to a complete stop at the sign beside the POLICE PALACE and PROCESSING CENTER ... by the Lighthouse and then back to the Club for another coffee to take home.
Sarah takes time to play with Che before diving into work.
After a morning nap, Che and I take one of our numerous walks ... with endless games of Hide-and-Seek ... sitting on benches ... blowing kisses at tourists ... stopping at Benny's to visit friends ... hike to the end of the Pier and admire the catches ... before making our way home again.
Throughout the walk are many encounters, occasional joiners and lots of hugs and kisses.
She's has a profound impact on me.
Walking slower, I see more ... making me stop with each new discovery, Che stretches my patience making me learn there's always time ... shocking me over how much shear joy there is in the red balloon dancing in the wind in front of Wet Willie's ... and Lord knows if we hit the Beach then we're getting wet ... regardless of the weather.
Late in the afternoon, we cook supper together ... until her sisters arrive and the entire world stops spinning as they dance in delight over seeing each other again because they seem to understand ... and we don't ... that every time you see someone you love or enjoy again ... it should be like it's the very first time ... because it might be the very last.
Che participates in dinner conversations by throwing out numerous vowels and if the rest of us laugh over something, she joins in as though it is humor itself we've invented.
Afterwards is bath time, also full of joyous adventure and games, then she blows Sarah and her sisters kisses and hugs my shoulder tightly as I take her downstairs to bed.
Laying her down, she reaches for the bottle with one hand while taking the pacifier out of her mouth with the other.
"Hey," I say looking her straight in the eyes, rubbing the back of my hand across her cheek, "What a great day we had! I love you! I promise we'll do it again tomorrow. Sleep tight. God ... I love you!"
At the door, just before switching off the light, I blow her a kiss.
She blows one back ... and laughs as the darkness comes.
I like to think that 40 years ago when my son was born it was like this but ... it wasn't.
I was too busy.
Don't get me wrong! Jeremy and I share a thousand adventures doing things together long passed when Fathers and Sons hang out together.
Kristen comes two years later and she and I had a remarkably close relationship where the pinnacle was when I left her mother for a new life and ... our daughter came with me.
Eight years later Chelsea's born and happily ... at least I prefer to believe it was happily ... co-existed in two different homes, equally splitting time between her Mother and Dad ... though in the end it's her Mom she focuses on almost exclusively.
I know I romanticize their childhood ... my Fatherhood ... and our years together.
I was young, ambitious, determined ... hungry for success which came quickly ... the world became my oyster and ... well, lots of energy that could have gone to my kids went to the world and each oyster I consumed.
Now they're gone, living their own lives and Jeremy and I talk a lot ... though he's busy with his family and a College teaching career so he's awful busy ... you know "the cat's in the cradle with a silver spoon" and all that.
My daughters though ... we don't talk as much.
They're busy with their own lives too but ... but ... the waters don't flow easily under the bridges.
It's harder when we're together ... for them accepting the realities of me now ... and for me not believing we aren't like we were then.
God blesses me with Sarah ... against all odds ... and she's got three girls of her own who are suddenly at least part my life too.
Have you ever watched a blender do it's work?
I'll make it easy ... open a blender ... toss in ice cubes ... tequila ... lime juice ... syrup ... salt ... things that normally never go together and ... hit the Puree command.
You ever stare at a blender while it works.
It's a violent machine.
Chopping wildly, eating away the sharp edges, taking the different and making them one ... something new ... and ... a Margarita is born!
It's the same blending a family.
Sarah, the girls and I live in the blender.
It won't stop until the girls leave and live their own lives away from us and I already wonder what it will be like then ... who will we talk with most ... which one will no longer need us ... where they'll live ... who they'll become?
Che too!
Every single day I see her change ... hair's thicker and longer ... she does things she didn't yesterday ... her face is every changing, ever growing ... she manages more ... and needs me less.
There's a saying I've always loved ... and believe to be absolute truth ... "When your child takes it's first step ... it's away from your arms."
Damn that's true!
And if you think it out to it's logical conclusion ... that first step leads to others ... each taking her further away ... until she arrives at ... who she is.
Let's be honest ... each of us did the same thing to our parents.
I was a Mama's boy with a Father who challenged me ... he often bordered on bullying ... just as he had been bullied by his parents ... until I finally broke away and ... initially they're horrified at who I become ... but I had success ... so they clung onto that when they could no longer cling to me.
"Tell them what you do," my Dad orders one night at a table full of his friends ... when I'm home visiting ... and my Father's proud as he can be on the one hand ... with no real understanding of who I've become and little of what I do in the world.
"Honor your Father and Mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you," the Commandment proclaims (Exodus 20:12).
The land the Lord your God is giving you is your own life of course and you should honor the two it took to make you.
As my Dad lay dying it's me he needs most ... not my brother or sister who listened to him most ... mostly obeyed what he said ... never strayed too far from those first steps away as babies.
Who honored Dad most?
I was the one who left.
They were the ones who stayed.
I'm not saying my brother and sister weren't integral parts of his passing but ... it was me ... the one farthest away from him ... he sought as he made his final decisions in life.
"While Jesus is still speaking his Mother and brothers arrive and send a man in to say they need to see him now. 'Who?' Jesus replies. 'Who is my Mother? Who are my brothers?' ..." (Matthew 12: 46ff).
And Jesus ignores them.
Instead of beckoning to Mama's call, Jesus turns his backs on them, returning his attention to his Disciples and the people he's addressing saying, "Here are my Mother and Brothers! Whoever does God's will is my mother ... my brother ... my sister."
That's rough.
I mean I've turned my back on my parents but ... never said it out loud so they could hear.
Whoever does the will of God ... just like living in the land the Lord God has given you ... it's your own life and how you're living it ... are you becoming you? ... or are you being who others want you to be? ... even if it's your Mom and Dad wanting you to become someone other than who you are.
Here's the funny end to the story.
As Jesus is crucified, his Mom's standing beside him as he hangs on the cross ... and he says, "Behold your son," ... "Look at me Mom!" ... "See who I've become?"
The implied question behind the statement "Behold your son" is ... "Are you proud of me Momma?"
Mary's response isn't recorded.
We have no idea if she's proud or not according to the Biblical record ... though theologians and Preachers have forever answered the question for her ... "Of course, she was proud!" ... "She's the Mother of God!" ... "She the blessed Virgin."
All that came later and maybe it's true.
We don't really know.
What we do know is while still hanging from the cross Jesus says to the same crowd he called his "mother ... brothers ... sisters" ... "Take her as your Mother."
And his dying words are, "Take care of my Mom."
So our Mothers and Fathers give us life but ... it's our life they give to us ... not theirs.
It's one of the points Jesus makes anyway.
And God too, because the land your Lord had your parents give you is your life to live.
It's funny watching my kids lives they're in a land that's no longer mine ... just as where I live and who I am is not my parents place.
I'm already fascinated ... maybe because I've already lived through it once ... where are Maddie, Laurel and Cassidy are going to end up ... who will they become ... will Sarah and I be are part of it.
And Che ... well ... I don't want to think about it too much right now ... because what Sarah and I have right now ... is her ... in the same land ... the same life ... at the same time.
She's already taken her baby steps, gets faster every day ... grows stronger ... smarter ... confident.
One day Sarah and I are going to let her go and she won't come back.
She'll be living her life.
Just like our parents learned when we took off to live ours.
Just like God gave us life ... our life to live ... not anyone else's ... ours!
Behold your son!
Behold your daughter!
Behold yourself!
Behold this life!
Amen!
Micheal Elliott
March 2018
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