Parental Purgatory

Maddie graduated from High School the other day and is set to enroll in College in a few weeks. She's 17, knows everything so if there's something you don't know but really need to know ... just ask Maddie, she knows.

At graduation, Sarah and Maddie's sisters take pictures posting them on Instagram.

Cassidy, our 12 year old, writes under the photos, "Congratulations on graduating. I am so proud of you and know you're going to do great in life! I love you. You're the best!"

Underneath the same images on our 15 year old's Instagram, Laurel writes, "I'm oldest now."

Of course Maddie didn't know it was coming and's mad as Hell!

Aw man it still cracks me up!

I know ... I know ... as a parental figure  you have to stay neutral with the kids which is difficult enough whenever there's more than one ... crazy complicated if your's is a blended family ... stupid if you happen to be 62 and your kids range from 41 to 2 ... and outright insane when you're the only male at home ... surrounded by five girls and a gay dog.

I know being a parent is the hardest thing in the world but I've come to believe being a Stepfather is harder!

Who came up with the lame word "Stepfather" or "Stepmother"?

What's it mean?

We've stepped into something like dog shit and now we can't get it off our shoe ... or in my case from between my toes?

I've done research and the term originated in 8th Century and means "orphan" ... and in those days a man or a woman took in children without fathers or mothers.

I don't know what the word mean today because I try with everything in me to be a real, 100% Dad, to our girls if they want.

Most of the time they don't so I'm in some sort of parental purgatory ... where my opinion and help is not necessary ... unless their Mother won't give em what they want.

Luckily two of the four girls living at home with Sarah and me have boyfriends so when they're around, we can give knowing glances at each other and ask, without using words, only glances and facial expressions ... "Can you believe this shit?"

I love Parks and Cooper and thank God for them every night.

Anyway, yesterday Laurel and Cooper find this chair, obviously part of a larger ensemble, in someone's front yard and drag it home as a gift for Maddie.

Sarah and Maddie are doing all the shopping and furnishing  of a first year college student's dorm room.

"We got you a present," Laurel explains to Maddie, who's just showered after a long day of work at the Breakfast Club and is wrapped in a blue towel with wet hair.

"Wha is it?" Che, our 2 year hold, asks leaping from the sofa wearing a yellow Princess Elena dress complete with gold crown and wand.

"It's for Maddie's room when she goes to College," Laurel explains.

"What?" Maddie asks following Che to inspect.

As soon as they're outside, Laurel strolls across the living room and locks the door ... all three locks.

Cooper shoots me a wordless question ... "Do you believe this shit?"

I'm still laughing.

Recently, Eamon Sheehan, friend of our older kids Jeremy and Kristen ... and son of my dear friend Dan ... was visiting from California introducing me to his son ... and we fall into conversation about his Dad and my friend ... who's gone now.

Dan and I still have lots in common.

He was a Dad in blender like me, older when he and Carolyn had Eamon and would sneak off with me to talk about how crazy life is but how thankful we are to have it.

"You know Mike," Eamon says on the sidewalk in front of the Sand Bar before Bar Church, "Dad just loved being a Dad. That's why I was born. He couldn't get enough of it."

That night before I went to bed, I say a prayer.

"Hey Dan. Met you grandson today. Man! I know you're proud. Eamon talks just like you ... hopefully your grandson will talk more like Leila's side of the family ... anyway ... I want to say thanks for all those times we rode around just talking ... about life and kids ... and what makes a family."

"You probably already know Dan, being in Heaven and all ... but you're in Catholic Heaven and there's probably lots of rules and all your information may not be the latest ... but I seem to have followed in your footsteps ... which is the not the same as a mis-step ... which has nothing to do with being a Stepfather."

I could hear Dan laugh in the darkness ... a crazy eruption of delightful Irish elation.

"You gonna let her back in?" Cooper finally asks out loud.

I wasn't going to ask.

I'm enjoying this.

Laurel unlocks the door and all Hell breaks loose.

It just doesn't get any better.

I love being a Dad!

Just like my buddy Dan.

And neither one of us stepped in anything God didn't lead us to.