Nervous Children

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth I spent countless hours in the car driving the roads of Georgia to towns like Waycross, Valdosta, Columbus, Brunswick and other small towns with emergening problems. I was the outside expert from Savannah where'd made significant dents in our "social problems." Over the years I made lots of frieds and have fond memories of those days. Later the scope of my travels encompassed the nation so I flew everywhere and no longer drove to the small towns and cities of Georgia or South Carolina. So yesterday as Sarah and I made our way across Highway 82 into the western part of the state many memories came flooding back. Nothing seems to have changed and I took that as a metaphor for the way that Governments and Churches do things in Georgia. "What are we going to see?" Sarah asked at one point. "Abosulutely nothing," I answered. But the truth is that we are. My brilliiant daughter-in-law Marie is a professor at Valdosta State University. She has a rich history in the movie industry, having worked on several and has now pinned her first play! It's already been performed in three different cities and is now being staged at the college where she works! The local newspaper wrote a terrific story on her effort and she was the guest celebrity on radio shows yesterday. She is nervous about her work being showed to her peers and is planning on Bloody Marys prior to the performace. Sarah and I are exited to see her play and be there with her for the experience. It's funny. You never really know how your kids are going to turn out. You think you do but you don't. I thought Jeremy was going to be the world's first professional football player who was also a brain sugeon! Then he and Marie got married and he's settled on getting his Ph.D. in Sports Management. Kristen has stayed closer to home on Tybee Island while Chelsea graduated from the University of Georgia only to now reside on the Georgia Tech campus (irony of ironies). It's all good. I've been extremely blessed because my kids are all doing well but doubly blessed because we all like and enjoy each other. We laugh a lot when we're together which is increasingly rare. So today is a special day! We get to spend some time with my brilliant daughter-in-law and as she gets to strut her stuff! I couldn't be prouder.

Jeremy and I go to the Met

My son Jeremy and I stood in the Metropolitan Museum of Art on a glorious fall day in New York. We were there because of Melanie Finnachario. She and I had been at a meeting in a hotel by the Newark airport and took shuttles into the City. We'd attended a workshop hosted by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation hoping to find money for a health care clinic we planned to open in Savannah. The conference ended late Friday and we were flying out Sunday for we took Saturday to play in City. Jeremy was there because my son and I really have a good time when we're together. This was such an opportunity so I got him a cheap ticket to Newark and we stayed together. We got to the Met, had a hot dog on the corner out front, and then started our tour of some of the world's greatest art. There was only one problem. The University of Georgia was playing Kentucky at 1:00. Melanie had never been to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and I promised that she could spend the day there. Jeremy was cool with it and everything was going fine ... until 1:00. Then Jeremy and I got ... itchy. My first clue was when we stood in front of Van Gogh's Stary Stary Night and Jeremy yelled "Go Dawgs!" I understood though Melanie and several thousand other visitors seemed a bit confused. "We gotta go," I explained to Melanie. My son grabbed one of her hands and I grabbed the other as we sprinted out of the Met to a corner bar where they showing ... the Syracuse game. Who the hell watches Syracuse? The mothers of the players don't even follow that team! They wear orange for God's sake! Grabbing the bartender by the throat, I demanded to know where in New York City the Georgia game was being shown. He kindly explained there is a group of rabid people who gather at a bar near 44th Street. Grabbing Melanie we sprinted to the place and, sure enough, we found our people. Georgia won on a last second field goal. Jeremy and I grew closer as father and son. Melanie quit a couple of years later. I was explaining all of this to Sarah the other day. She's from New York and stared at me as though I'm an uneducated southern idiot. Sympathetically hugging her, I explained, "Honey, it's tradition. It's family. It's friends who share the same devotion. It ain't Florida or Auburn. I'm so glad we're married because now ... you'll learn all of these things. And thank God I'm here for the girls. I mean ... Shit! They could be Buffalo Bills fans! ... Say it with me baby. Go Dawgs!"

Birthday Thoughts (To Madison)

It is a drop dead gorgeous day as I speed on the causeway through the seven miles of marsh to arrive home on Tybee Island. The sky is a crystal clear blue, the marsh grass a deep green and the ocean is a flat greyish green. An American flag hangs limp and still in front of Fort Pulaski, just as impotent as Congress, and it strikes me as sad to see it this way. The top is down and the pungent smell of the marsh at low tide ... the swirling aromas of sex in the tropics ... fill my senses. It is a great start to a day. I'm returning from taking Madison to school. It's her birthday this weekend as she turns eleven ... a child in what is becoming an adult's body. I'm her personal chauffeur and we either have great conversation or there are just the sounds of really bad techno-pop (97.3) blaring on the radio ... depending on the status of her hormones. Her hair is perfect so the top is up on the way but as soon as she hauls out the School Board approved see through back pack so that Authority figures can she's not packing a gun, I change the station and put the top down. Maddie also has to put on her approved ID badge so aforementioned Authority figures know who she is at all times lest she successfully sneak a gun into school. (It makes me wonder if Board Chairs who choose to remain anonymous ... Jerry Rainy ... came up with such rules.) "Bye Micheal," she says crawling out of the car. "Learn a lot," I reply. "Kiss a lot of boys." She rolls her eyes. "Fine," I say. "Kiss a lot of girls." Properly identified and definitely not packing ... well guns anyway though she drive the boys nuts as they discover their own hormones. (She's probably driving the girls nuts too.) Then there is my luscious drive home. By now I'm whimsical with a touch of melancholy. When I was eleven I got in trouble if my shirt hung out but nobody ever patted me down. They knew who me (because my shirt was never tucked in). I feel sorry for the American education system and what politicians have done to it. It's as limp as an American flag on a beautiful day driving through the marsh. My mind wanders and out of nowhere come thoughts from a thousand years ago. We raped the independent farmer just like the school system is now being ravished. These are sad thoughts on a birthday weekend that is drop dead gorgeous with the aroma of outdoor sex under a limp flag. This land fed a nation ... this land made me proud ... And Madison, on your birthday, I wonder what kind of legacy we're leaving you. Rain on the scarecrow. Blood on the plow.

Hard to Believe

I find it hard to believe how hard most people find it to believe. Growing up in the schizophrenic arms of the First Baptist Church of Port Wentworth during the late 1960s and early 1970s when God was King of Kings and the Holy Host of others standing around me were the Beatles, I grew to really believe the things I was hearing. God is Love ... All you need is love ... Love your neighbor as yourself ... He ain't heavy, he's my brother ... Red and yellow, black and white, all are precious in his sight ... C'mon people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together try to love one another right now ... The Kingdom shall come on earth as it is in heaven ... You say you want a Revolution? ... Jesus is raised ... One Tin Soldier rides away ... Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things ... You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one ... And the Lion shall lay down with the Lamb ... O Happy Day ... These things are engrained into my DNA. I really believe them all and do my best to live them. I get knocked around a lot for trusting people too much, being too quick to forgive someone who's done me wrong, and just being too nice. That's not to say I'm can't be difficult ... I'm often impatient, lightning quick to reach conclusions, and have no trouble saying what I think. I'm also perfectly content to let others have their say, just sitting there quietly as I feel their words. But I find it a dichotomy to be cautioned to put too much trust in others and still hold onto the things the church and the Love Generation taught me. It's funny because most who throw me caution are Church People where I think most pretend rather than believe. Sunday service is mostly a celebration of what could have been. I've spent my whole life trying to really get to me. I want to be the person I was created to be. Sure I've fucked up along the way ... all have sinned and fallen short of the glory ... that doesn't bother me much. It's just part of the process of becoming who we really are ... of being who God intended us to become. As I write this a swarm of yellow butterflies have descended upon the red orange Hibiscus blooms surrounded me on the Beloved Back Deck. One anoints my head flying under the umbrella where I sit writing. It gives me pause. I'll keep believing these things. They're too much of who I am ... and I would crumble without them anyway. I just don't find them so hard to believe. And it pains me that others do.

Embracing me (the many me's)

"I think it's good to have multiple personalities," I said. Bree immediately said that she has two. "It's sort of like having the arrows in the quiver to re-purpose yourself whenever you need," Nancee added. "Yeah," I agreed. "Re-tooling ourselves so we can cope with whatever situation we're in." "I just know that I'm frigging nuts," Denise chimed in, "because my parents are driving me crazy." "Whatever," Nancee dismissed her, "lets all change up now. Just for fun!" I took this to be my exit strategy. "Where are you going?" Nancee yelled. "I'm slipping into my reclusive personality," I called walking out the door. "Perfect!" she said. "I'll slip into my stalker-self. We'll play Hide-and-Seek!" This actual real life conversation occurred on my second visit of the morning to The Breakfast Club. I had to go back to return books that we'd borrowed and found myself standing with the wait staff, to whom I am close and occasionally party. Driving home with the top down, having foiled Nancee's prowling personality, I recall a business meeting in the Longhorn Steak House off Pooler Parkway yesterday. Meeting with a Wealth Management Specialist, she was asking for help in things she wishes to accomplish. I must pause and point out the hilarity of what was happening. A very successful Wealth Management Professional is willing to pay for my advice. My career's been spent ending homelessness, helping the uninsured, teaching people with AIDS they have a life to live and other exciting endeavors. Of course I was successful at these things and "success" attracts "success" ... so there we were. "You know," she said munching on the Seven Pepper Salad, "everything about work and business is changing. Just look at all of the empty office space that's available. They're no longer necessary. It's all about connecting with people ... not having them just come to buy what you're selling. People have got to change ... I've got to change the way I go about it all." Taking a bite from Flo's Filet and washing it down with water with Lemon, I stared at her and nodded trying to look professional. "That's why I like you," she said pointing a fork and knife at me, "you keep re-tooling yourself. You're staying ahead." "Except for when I fall behind," I thought to myself. Thinking these things as I made my way home to dive into another day of work, I couldn't help but see the truths in both conversations. Everyone of us is a complicated, God-inspired, individual. We have many layers. If we're ever going to become everything God created us to be then it's up to us to embrace every single personality, nuance, gift, quirk, fault and fallacy that makes us ... US. If we're smart about it then we're forever moving from one layer to the next ... having learned what we could about a piece of ourselves then going to the next ... but never forsaking pulling out an old layer when we need it ... Learning to embrace and use every part of what makes me and what makes you. I have to go and slide into my workaholic personality disorder mode now. There is lots of work to do. After that, I plan to reclaim my adolescent school boy self and chase Sarah around the house for naked pagan sacrifice ceremonies. Then I'll become my Beach Bum self, raising a glass to the ocean and smelling the salt in the air as it sticks to my skin.

Back to work ... Why Not?

"Look at me, I'm self-employed ... I love to work at nothing all day." It's partially true. I am self-employed and would absolutely love to work at nothing all day but it's back to work today. When I was at Union Mission I often ended staff meetings by challenging everyone to "Go create something!" And we did. It was an incredibly talented and committed group of people who believed we could make a difference. There was a culture of creativity where the only legitimate question was "Why not?" We had to take such an approach because it seemed the whole world was against us. Politicians said there wasn't money to help. Preachers said, "The poor will be with you always." Hospitals kept shelters full rather than admit patients without insurance. It just seemed as people just accepted homelessness, AIDS and poverty as facts of life. I often heard the words, "You just can't change it. It's always been that way." We dared to believe differently anyway. If we couldn't come up with answers to the question "Why not?" we went ahead and did it. As a result, thousands of people overcame homelessness, people learned to LIVE with AIDS, and a significant dent was made in the most visible segment of the poor (You could actually walk in the city's squares!). My friend Terry Ball is a lifelong employee of the state of Georgia. Some would call him a bureaucrat and he's a brilliant one! He took the approach that if something made sense he did it ... until someone above him on the org chart told him he couldn't. He made an entire state a better place taking such an approach. I wish there were more like him. For the past couple of years, I've contracted myself out helping others take the "Why Not?" approach to business. This enabled me to visit most of the country ... from Alaska to Santa Barbara ... Cleveland to San Juan and a bunch of places in-between. That's the good news! I traveled a lot. The bad news is I paid more taxes than I've ever paid leaving me with holes in my pockets. Therefore I'm re-tooling this whole self-employed business. Why Not? I mean if I'm doing nothing, I should diversify. So I'm heading to town again today for meetings. I view them as a bunch of tiny coming out parties and who doesn't like a party? I had a good time last week so I may as well do it again. Besides ... we've got a better idea and its time to start telling people about it. OK ... gotta go.

Night Swimming

The white trail of the moon glowed on the ocean while stars danced above. I was swimming in it while Sarah and the girls stood on the beach soaked in sweat from dancing on the Pier. I needed to cool down and it's been forever since I went night swimming so I tossed her my shirt and called out, "Let's join the sharks!" Laurel was with me all of the way ... until I said that about the sharks ... then she decided her Mom needed protection so she stayed on the beach. It was as beautiful as the opening scene from "JAWS". A Beautiful night. An almost full moon. No clouds. Bright stars. A calm ocean. And I was swimming out in warm water, doing the back stroke, and loving it all! The Swinging Medallions were still wailing from the Pier. We'd been dancing with Wen and the girls. Nights on Tybee just don't get any better that what we were having. So I floated in the ocean I love so dearly and thanked my lucky stars. Sometimes words fail you and you can't possibly describe what its like. This is one of those times. And if you've never done it ... then you haven't lived yet.

Acoustic Sunrise

Fran's thousand shades of green are on brilliant display as sunbeams dart in and out of the branches. A choir of cicada loudly sing. The sky is a brilliant blue with only wisps of white. The ocean throws a hint of breeze. There is a holiness to this outdoor sanctuary and I'm certain that God is pleased. It is good. Goddess is watching me carefully now, I suppose anticipating the community that worship is supposed to bring. Winston, the little gay dog, lay under my feet keeping an eye on Goddess. I sit alone on the beloved back deck in appreciation of these things. I think of all of the ways I've celebrated Sundays. Growing up we'd go to the First Baptist Church of Port Wentworth, home for pot roast and then for a family drive to go see how other people lived. Ed Sullivan concluded the service in those days. When I could drive, Sundays always concluded at the Drive-Inn where I'd hook up with my friends. Ginny and I would place the speakers in the window before ignoring the movie and making out. College was the annual gathering of believers returning to Statesboro after weekends at home. Meeting at the Western Sizzler for the 99 cent Burger Delux we'd tell stories and step back into a world where are our minds were molded. Our virginity was sacrificed on alters of exploration and education. Seminary meant real church where I'd be up early cooking breakfast for the hundred or so homeless people who would crowd into the basement of the Jefferson Street Baptist Chapel. It would be the only meal most would get that day. Then I'd drive the church van around to pick up anyone who wanted to attend the Sunday service. At eleven I'd preach. Later we'd read the New York Times, watch football, and dread the Sunday evening service that no one wanted to attend. Securing home on Tybee Island, Sundays became a day at the beach, afternoon naps, cookouts on decks, and an appreciation for surf, sand and sea. Worship happened outside of walls. These days, Sunday mornings begin with acoustic sunrises. I have time alone. Sarah sleeps in. The kids are grown or gone. Music from the other side of the world streams on the laptop laid out before me. Sometimes we go to Bar Church and sometimes we don't. It is a time of contentment that I enjoy prayerfully. The choir of cicada grow louder in worship. The Holy Spirit blows and Fran's thousand shades of green dance. The Kingdom comes on earth as it is in heaven as I listen to the still small voice.

It's Saturday on Tybee

Sarah ran a 5K this morning at Fort Pulaski. I had a Screwdriver and cheered her on. She is beautiful ... wearing a white sports bra, tight blue shorts ... she may have been wearing shoes on ... I don't know. I had running shorts on too ... red ones with my black University of Georgia football shirt and flip-flops. "You don't look like you're taking this seriously," Pat Monahan yelled as he stretched. Pat is the Assistant County Manager, a serious runner, and we go way back ... decades back! We partnered on many different projects through the years and I admire the hell out of him. His only draw back is that he is a University of Florida fan. I raised my glass and explained that I was there to support my wife. "Hey Sarah," Dave Paddison said as he strolled up. We chatted for a while as the two of them got ready to run. David and I go back too though his Dad and I are closer. Bob Paddison is a Savannah icon ... a banker during the Civil Rights movement he did all of the right things at the right time in the right place. We helped started the Homeless Authority together. He went on to become a teacher of photography for kids in trouble. Bob's one of my heroes and even if David was unlikeable ... which he's not ... he'd be hard not to love because of his Dad. A cannon fired and the race was off. Finally, I had a few minutes to myself. Turning around a reporter from WTOC was standing in front of me. "How's retirement?" she asked. "It's a lie," I said, "started by a Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous." "Jerry Rainy?" she asked. "How did you know?" "I read your blog," she said walking away to cover the Run for Jane. Finishing my drink, I positioned myself to cheer Sarah on when she finished the race. Sure enough, she burst through the woods at a fast clip ... being chased by seven men in full military gear including backpacks. Apparently they were on maneuvers but when Sarah ran by they got new orders and were trying to run her down. Kissing my sweaty wife, she collapsed in the grass to collect herself. After a few moments of sweet release ... with seven sweaty members of the Military hovering nearby, probably trying to figure out if they could take me out so they could take her ... we held hands and strolled to the car. It was 9:30 and the day has already been a full one as we drove back to Tybee Island. And we haven't even gotten to the beloved DAWGS of the University of Georgia yet! Does it get any better than this?

Tomorrow's Taken

Ben looked older than the last time I saw him ... which was the last time we'd had lunch together at Johnny Harris Restaurant, an old Savannah tradition. We were back because he'd called chastising me for not calling him and inviting him to lunch. So I did and there we were yesterday doing it again. I love Ben dearly. Now in his mid-90s, his mind remains as sharp as a tact though his body is giving up the struggle to keep up. His white hair was clombed neatly back, his glasses magnified the intensity of his blue eyes as he fired questions at as though from a machine gun. "What are doing?" "Tell me about Sarah." "When was the last time you talked to Herb?" What about Philip?" "What's going on at Union Mission?" "Why in the hell did they give half of it away?" "You seen the last newsletter? It's terrible." Fortunately, Craig Harney and the folks from WTOC were at the next table. He and I caught eyes and spoke. He's been at the station since he was a baby and now is the behind the scenes (mostly) manager of everything there. A million years ago he did a feature on me and a new approach to ending homelessness in Savannah. When it aired I was critical of it and he put me in my place by saying, "I gave you every chance to make it special and you didn't do anything." I learned a most important lesson about the press and have been grateful to him ever since. The last time I saw Craig was in The Farmer's Daughter's Junkyard in Athens, Georgia. It was right after we'd been to the University of Georgia football game. He's a Dawg. I'm a Dawg. We dawged around. "Who's that?" Ben demanded. I told him. "OK back to what I was asking," he commanded. At which point Cliff McCurry stopped by the table. Cliff is a former Union Mission Board member, runs Seacrest Partners and about half of the other things in Savannah (mostly behind the scenes). "Why are you still here?" I ask. "I'm practicing my packing," he explained while shaking Ben's hand and paying homage. "I thought you'd be in Athens by now," I said. "Leaving now," he said shaking my hand with a grin and leaving. Cliff is also a Dawg and was jumping in his car to head to Athens for tomorrow's kickoff. "He's a good boy," Ben says afterwards. I laugh because Cliff's in his 60s. Age is relative I suppose. "OK," Ben resumed the questioning only to be interrupted again by members of the restaurant staff who wanted to know how we were doing. Over the years we've been there a lot. Sighing, Ben looked at me and said, "We're going to have to get back together soon. I want to know Sarah better. You haven't told me anything." I laughed and asked if he wanted to come to Tybee. "I'll take you to all the honkey-tonks." Grinning, he said, "Maybe so." It won't be tomorrow thought. Ben's also a DAWG. I am too. Tomorrow's taken. Driving Maddie to school this morning she said, "Hey that car is a DAWG." Sure enough the car beside had a UGA sticker on the back windshield. It made me proud because the next generation is coming along nicely. GO DAWGS!

Believing in the Dead

Skip Eloge has his mostly empty Miller Lite Beer bottle hoisted to his lips when I stopped at the corner of the bar he was sitting at placing my hand on his shoulders and fondly calling his name. His entire body tensed and I thought he might shit his pants. It's been a long time since he's seen me so he may have been shocked by my appearance. I look ... happy. He'd never seen me this way. Plus I have an ear ring, shoulder length hair, a black wedding band and was wearing a Sex Wax tee shirt. We were also in Spankey's Southside which is his haunt, not mine ... it's too far from the beach. I'd just finished a boisterous lunch with a group of old time Savannah leadership. I'm just supposed to be dead as far as Skip's concerned. Jerry Rainey told him so therefore it must be true. But there I was as alive, connected and kicking just like always. Then again Skip is afraid of anything outside of his own skin. "Hello Micheal," I heard her say. Turning, I saw that Frances Carter was his lunch time drinking partner. She looked sad and dark as she reached to shake my hand ... like she always does when she has to shake my hand. I can see her thinking, "Dammit! He's still around? He's supposed to be dead? The Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous just changed the words ... so that instead of "Jesus loves me this I know" ... it's now "Micheal's dead this I know because I'm the leader and I told you so." Unfortunately, Frances believed him though in fairness to her I know a lot of people who believe in things they shouldn't. Anyway, I have mostly fond memories of them. After Judy the previous CEO of Union Mission sold her soul to selfishness and misappropriated $1.3 Million in money to help the homeless, I hired Skip to replace her. Things were a mess and I was having a difficult time. Betrayal is bitch and I was earning a Ph.D. without having enrolled in the course. But we were fixing things and it was getting better. Frances was the last person I hired at Union Mission. When the Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous (aforementioned Jerry Rainey called me while I was on vacation to say he and I were just never going to get along) the last thing I fought for was that they keep Frances. He did though she and I never developed any kind of relationship. I did try when I got back from St. Martin but its much easier to believe in the dead. There have been a few times when she's been forced to acknowledge my existence and its never been pretty. I don't pay much attention to her as life as moved on. "How are things going?" I asked her at the bar. "Great!" she said unconvincenly. "Keep it up," I said turning and leaving them there. Walking out into the bright sunshine, I made my way to Sarah who was shopping nearby. Sarah was the last person Frances surprised with hatred. Sarah and I are married now, have really good tans and enjoy creating a new life. It all worked out the way that it's supposed to I guess (for Board Chairs who choose to remain anonymous tell me so). We had to go anyway. We had a business meeting in the Corporate Headquarters of Micheal Elliott Enterprises and our partners were waiting. On the agenda was a list of all of the people in Savannah that I need to meet with over the next several weeks and those have already begun taking place. They are just going to increase. I mean if you believe ... then the dead are not always neatly put away. Stones can be rolled away. People can come back from the dead. It's always shocking when it happens. See you all soon.

Cut Off

Sometimes things just go bump in the night. Last night was one of those nights. After getting home from school the girls were all in radically different moods so the Beef Brisket, Mac and Cheese and salad that I'd prepared for dinner was received in different ways. Madison covered her plate in ketchup and sour cream. Laurel fell asleep in her hers though Cassidy ate everything on the table. I needed an after dinner break so Goddess and I strolled along the Back River. Then Winston, the little dog of very suspicious lineage, needed a walk. Cassidy wanted to help so we made our way to the sad little holy dock and sat there talking. The tide was high, the marsh grass covered and we laughed and made plans. When it was time to leave, she grabbed Winston and sprinted for home. Goddess and I meandered. Back home I was reminded of how loud three girls can be so I went outside to trim the weeds that grow in a sub-tropical climate. As I did so, I promptly severed the Fiber Optic line that brings the phone and Internet High Speed connection to our house. It was hidden under weeds I tenderly care for every day. We are now disconnected from the world ... which really isn't all that bad when you are forced to stop and think about it. No emails, phone calls, Instant messages, Friend Requests or ability to go to ESPN, the Weather Channel or see what's happening at Landover Baptist Church in Freeport, Iowa. The sun's popped out this morning, the girls are school, and Sarah's wearing a really tight short cut dress. I am suddenly busy making plans. This may not be such a bad thing at all! "Business first," I tell myself and place the call to AT&T. It takes an hour and a half as I punch buttons for three different automated voices before talking to MS. WOODS (she was very loud), then Swaquenta (very nice) and finally Fransnetta (who was the most helpful of all and even left me her personal phone number should I need anything else). So you're probably asking yourself, "Mike, if you're cut off from the world, sitting on the beach, with Sarah wearing a tight short skirt ... how in the hell do I know this?" It's an excellent question. Ooops ... just lost the Internet service I was hacking.

Being Normal

"Are there any advantages to being normal?" Franklin asked as I sipped coffee at The Breakfast Club. "Why are you asking me?" "You used to be normal," he said. "That was a long time ago." "You probably remember what it was like though." "Well," I thoughtfully said, "it has some perks but it's got a lot of drawbacks." "Like what?" he asked, leaning over the counter full of anticipation at the answer. "You get your own seat in church," I explained. Franklin, who is brown, made a face before asking, "Is that a perk or a drawback?" "Yes," I told him. "Do you miss it?" he continued. "I wasn't ever really good at it," I replied. "How did you know?" "I was always being criticized. Normal people don't get criticized. They just go along with the flow." "A lot of people call me a mindless jerk," he said. "See?" I told him affirming what he already knew. "She's hot," he said changing subjects while pointing to a picture of a blond haired girl on a full page advertisement taken out by Crime Stoppers in the The Savannah Morning News. Crime Stoppers takes out these adds each week so people wanted by the police can be turned in for cash by their neighbors. "I think it helps your relationship to not know each other," I countered. Nodding his head up and down, he agreed. "Anything else you want to know about being normal?" "Not really," he firmly answered. "It scares me." "Me too," I concluded. "Hey!" he loudly exclaimed interrupting my thoughts, "did I tell you that I only date Cougars in pairs now? They have to be sisters and they husbands. It makes dating more challenging and the thrills of getting caught heighten your sensual pleasures." I nodded and resumed looking at the pictures of the girls on the Crime Stoppers page.

Unfinished Stories

I was in Johnson City, Tennessee staying at a Holiday Inn overlooking the city and the mountains. After driving down from Louisville, I sipped a beer while checking out the view. I was struck by the city's simplicity and charm. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was scheduled to be the guest preacher at the Baptist Church the next day. In my mid twenties, I'd gained a reputation as a good speaker, Home Missionary and radical inner city minister of the Jefferson Street Baptist Chapel. Monthly I'd be somewhere in the Southern Baptist Convention bringing the word of a homeless Gospel to the sanitized believers who supported the work through their tithes. After speaking in Churches from New York City to Kansas City, I had the presentation down pat though a cynicism had crept into my beliefs. Wearing a gray corduroy blazer, shirt and tie, blue jeans and tennis shoes ... I looked different from most Southern Baptist Ministers. I also had long hair, a beard, and wore shaded glasses. In addition to drinking beer, I chewed tobacco and played the guitar. Earlier I'd driven by the Baptist Church so that I'd know what to expect. Then I found a store to buy beer and checked into the hotel. Deacons from the church had invited me for supper but I'd turned them down as was my custom. I preferred to alone ... away from the never ending demands of the poor, the dirtiness of an inner city, the unrealistic facades of the Seminary and a whitewashed theology scrubbed clean of unpleasant things. I found a Pup to have dinner and met the city's unchurched. To this day this remains my custom. Searching out local haunts and dives, I watch and listen. More often than not, I'm included in fellowships that are far more powerful than those hiding under steeples. The Minister-of-Music and his wife picked me up the next morning. "We didn't recognize you," he explained with a laugh. "You don't look like a minister." I laughed a fake laugh at the very old joke. He was pretty with short cropped hair, a crisp suit and shinny black shoes. She had light brown hair that curled up at her shoulders, an light orange dress with white flowers on it and held a Bible in her lap. He did most of the talking telling me how wonderful the church is and how much I was going to enjoy the fellowship. It was a big box with pews and a Baptismal Pool. The congregation all looked the same. I suspect they were mostly in the same income bracket, voted the same and had sex in the dark. I told stories about homeless men doing their best to kick habits and believing in Jesus in ways that leave me humble, hookers dancing in Louisville's large porno district who came to church on Sundays, and this crazy group of kids who really believed they could change things and make the Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. The fellowship applauded when I finished. I sat in the preacher's chair looking forward to the beer I'd have when they let me go. The Minister-of-Music stood up to bring the service to an end when his wife stand up on the third row. She was crying which left him speechless. Almost 300 pairs of eyes watched. "It just is as he says," she sobbed clutching her Bible. "We just pretend to love but we really don't. We'll leave here and go to lunch while people go hungry ..." and her voice cracked and she cried from somewhere deep inside of her Bible. The church was full of embarrassment as the Minister-of-Music left the pulpit to hug his wife. Wiping tears from my eyes, I walked down and hugged the both of them. Then I left and made my way back to the Holiday Inn. Kicking off my tennis shoes and throwing the jacket on the bed, I opened a beer and stared out of the window. That was my only visit to Johnson City, Tennessee. The church never invited me back. All of these years later I wonder what happened to the Minister-of-Music and his wife. It's another unfinished story. I've collected thousands of them over the decades. It's funny. The only reason I'm thinking about them at all is because of Mitch Wesley and Mark Wood. We've been joking with each other on Face Book, claiming that God had given us songs to give to each other. My son Jeremy gave me a song which I gave to them and it references Johnson City, Tennessee. Angles arrived took me back to that day reminding me of what it was like back then. Reminding me of how hard it is to really believe in anything.

Words and Music

As a kid growing up in Port Wentworth, Georgia ... a mill town with a unique smell, a viaduct and an abandoned factory in the woods ... we mostly played outside. One day an-honest-to-God Encyclopedia Salesman showed up at our front door on Clifton Drive. Other than the Bible, there were no books in our house and my Dad must have felt bad about it so he bought the complete set of World Book and my life changed. Choosing to stay inside, I read the complete set repeatedly. Starting with "A" and going through "Z", I'd sit in the Den and read the short descriptions and explanations about ... everything. There were also a lot of pictures including some of partially clad women. I found it hard to not like the Encyclopedia! My Dad would walk in and see me sitting there engrossed in the "N" Book and ask me what I was reading. "Nudity," I'd tell him. Shaking his head he told me he'd be back later. And he left. To this day I'm not certain where he went but he went there a lot. There was also a television in the Den that picked up WTOC, WSAV and WJCL. There was another station but it was fuzzy so we never watched it unless we put tin foil on the rabbit ears which we never did because my Mom thought it tacky and we were better than that. When I wasn't reading World Book I was watching music on television. I loved it all ... from The Andy Williams Show, Lawrence Welk, Hee-Haw, Hootenany and Ed Sullivan. I'd grab a broom, pretend it was a guitar and sing along to everything. Dad would walk in, ask me what I was doing, shake his head and tell me he'd be back in a little while. Then he left while I kept doing wicked solos on the broom. Words and music remain foundations of my life. (I suppose nudity is too.) Books and records were everywhere. Now it's digital but it's still constant. Throughout my life the music has played while I've read or wrote. They are entwined in my DNA. Right now I'm sitting in The Mermaid Lounge listening to Organic X streaming live on the computer (thank you Son!) as I write, surf the World Wide Web (today's Encyclopedia) and read about whatever is popping in my head. "Youtube" is minimized on the screen in case I need to see Andy Williams belt out "Born Free" or those really cute girls on the Lawrence Welk show. "You always have noise," Sarah tells me when I complain about the girls having the television blasting through the house. "It's not noise," I reply. "It's music." Then I grab her and we dance in the kitchen as I sing her the words.

Ignoring it

There are 24 windows in our house that are now open. That's just upstairs. There are six more downstairs. There are also wide sliding glass doors, a set of French doors, a screened in porch connecting the upstairs with the downstairs. There are five ceiling fans up and two down plus another one on the porch. I love it! Especially when all of the windows are open. It's like outside moves inside. Sunshine and fresh air pour in. The cicada sing loud songs while squirrels dance in the trees. The wind chimes sweetly keep a beat as the ocean breeze is cooler than its been. Sitting in The Mermaid Lounge on the Beloved Back Deck I marvel at the brilliance of Fran's Thousand Shades of Green. The Hibiscus blooms are large and red. Goddess is happily laying at my feet and even Winston, the little gay dog, seems content. I know that I am, sitting here in running shorts and nothing else, with George Harrison singing on Pandora. It's a great Saturday morning! We have no plans ... no company ... no groceries ... no underwear ... nothing other than ourselves. I can't remember the last time this has happened. Goddess barks. I tell her to shut up. Winston, the little gay dog, starts dancing like a ballerina on meth. I want to beat his head against the Palm Tree with the smiling Oyster face, coconut bra and grass skirt. The doorbell rings. "Shit," I mutter as I ignore it.

Maggie's Day

Maggie Elliott is getting married today. She seems pretty happy about it though we really haven't discussed it. My brother David, her Dad, is pretty ecstatic based upon his Face Book posts and gives God all of the credit for introducing Mags and Eric. I've seen them together and they're going to make a terrific married couple. I think David and Susan, his wife, deserve a lot of credit for that. Eric's folks probably do too though I've never met them. It'll be fun. Most weddings are. My beautiful daughter Chelsea is here for the service and her feet already hurt from wearing High Heels. She is her Father's daughter and Flip-Flops are her shoes of choice ... if shoes are necessary at all! Maggie's has me mindful of weddings today. In October it will be Dani Sadowsky's wedding ... which I will be performing ... with ketchup. I'm uncertain if ketchup as ever been used as part of a wedding ceremony but it somehow seems appropriate for Dano's. I think the whole ceremony is going to the dog's anyway. Last month I officiated the wedding of Ryan Conner and Abby on San Juan Island in Washington State. That was fun too and the after party was really great. I don't remember there being any ketchup. My beautiful daughter Chelsea is getting married next summer but she and Sam have been together so long that it won't seem like a big deal. I have to go really far back to remember Chelsea and Sam not being together. I think she was in a crib. Now they have their own crib in Atlanta. Jeremy and Marie were far ahead of the curve on this wedding stuff and got married years ago. Though they'd also been together forever ... I think The Beastie Boys were still a group when they got married. My Dad was still alive and I remember he cried like a baby ... just like I did though I was the one asking them to "repeat after me." Today they are like John and Yoko ... I can't imagine one without the other. Of course, Sarah and I got married under a full moon on the ocean just six months ago. We're still on our honeymoon ... though we have three little girls in the house which makes consummation a challenge. I view it as an Olympic event ... how far can you go without getting caught? It reminds us of our High School days. But today is Maggie and Eric's day. I wish them happiness and peace. May joy fill their every moment. I want God's blessings to rain upon them. And I hope they never get caught.

Fish in the front yard

Purple clouds dance on the ocean today. They billow and seem to pile on top of each other though the sea remains calm. A couple sits in two chairs sipping coffee with their toes in the cool sand. While they missed the sun rise the clouds are putting on quite a show. There is no rain though moisture hangs heavy in the air. All is peaceful and quiet. The tourists traps are empty ... vacancy abounds. A Tropical Storm named Issac is churning in the Caribbean and leisurely making its way to St. Martin so I'm throwing up prayers for my friends there. Carlos, Verna and Chelsea, Nathalie, Karima, Mimi, Victor, Patu and others. Keep them safe. The island has seen its share of hurricanes. A couple of years ago one hit and everybody lost power in the midst of tremendous wind and rain. Verna hugged Chelsea in the darkness of their concrete block apartment and screamed out for Jesus to take care of them. When Jesus kept quiet about it all she yelled out "Holy Shit!" and that seemed to get his attention as the winds died a bit and the rain let up. She was shaking and crying as Carlos put his arms around her and opened the front door. "Verna," he said in his lilting French Creole accent, "do you see any fish in the yard?" Sniffling she shook her head from side to side. Carlos hugged her again. "OK then. Everything's OK. Leave Jesus alone." I laughed and laughed when he told me this story and when I saw Verna later for dinner, asked her if she was eating fish from the front yard. Watching Verna eat a fish is nothing short of miraculous. She eats everything including the eyeballs! She reminds me of Barney Rubble on The Flintstones picking up a whole fish, putting it in mouth and then pulling out nothing but the skeleton. I've watched her do it countless times sitting there mesmerized. Of course when she cooks me jerked chicken wings, I probably look the same to her. Sarah and I had supper with them a few months ago and it was special. They had big news and waited until the right moment to share it with us. Sometimes, meals turn into celebrations and this was such an occasion. But today I'm throwing prayers onto the ocean, bothering Jesus to ask him to keep them all safe. After Issac finishes with the Caribbean he'll decide whether to attend the Republican National Convention in Tampa or maybe take a side trip to Tybee Island. Now we all wait to see what happens. Isn't it funny how life is that way? So long as nobody has fish laying in the front yard it'll all be alright.

Rip Van Winkle and ME

When I find myself in times of trouble ... I go to sleep. I know ... a lot of you are saying "Hello Rip Van Winkle! Damn you sleep a lot!" But its true. If someone's giving me grief or the day's just gone to hell and I don't know what to do about it, I simply go bed so it all ends. When I get up, the slate is wiped clean and I can start over. I don't yell or cuss (much) or throw things so it keeps me from making things worse. Of course, if I nod off in the middle of someone getting on to me ... it doesn't help the situation. For the most part, it's been a very successful strategy to avoid trouble that I discovered sitting in class at Seminary. My fellow students would be fighting over what God is really like, and cussing me for whatever I'd said, so I started sleeping through class. It was much easier and I avoided a lot of conflict. But yesterday my Mother called to chastise me for writing about Zombies. Apparently, one of the things I'd written was that if you go to church you'd see a lot of them. I've been to a lot of church services and, believe me, there are a lot of Zombies in church ... NOT EVERYBODY but a lot. Mom doesn't read much of what I write so she heard about it from her friends. They called her up to report "Mike says everybody who goes to church is a Zombie." "Why did you say that?" Mom demanded on the phone. "You're calling your grandparents Zombies." My grandparents, who I love deeply, are both dead and I'm pretty positive having a rocking good time in heaven. They more than earned that. They were loving and gracious people and I think they'd make terrible Zombies. My Grandfather would visit other Zombies and lead them in the Sinner's Prayer before confirming that he would pick them up for Sunday service at the Rothwell Street Baptist Church. My grandmother would cook them all Sunday lunch at her house on Carver Street. Neither are good Zombie material and put them together and you'd witness Zombies being brought back from the dead. Ira and Edith were amazing people ... the epitome of love and definitely not Zombie material. Having said that, I've personally seen Zombies in the Rothwell Street Baptist Church. They care more about sucking the life out of others than giving light and love. When I saw them, I fell asleep. When I woke up, they were gone. Of course no one was in the church except me and I missed my Grandmother's excellent Sunday lunch on Carver Street that the Zombies had been invited to enjoy. When I woke up this time, Mom was still getting on to me so I told her I loved her and hung up. All of which goes to prove, if you believe in Zombies ... you will get in trouble. Your Mother will yell at you. The Braves will drop two straight to the Nationals. You may as well go to bed. What else do you do?

The Mermaid Lounge

Rain drips from the umbrella I'm sitting under and the slick wood of the Beloved Back Deck is wet. The trees are crying as birds rest in their branches without moving. Four sets of wind chimes hang limply keeping their songs to themselves. The air is still, sticky with salt, and though its High Tide, the waves lightly kiss the beach. In the predawn darkness I stood in the hot water of the outdoor shower searching for stars. Blue and purple clouds covered them all. My neighbor is away so no one is screaming "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty" and I offer a prayer of thanks. I linger in the shower with the door still open. No one is out. No one can see. On the door of the outdoor shower is a sign that Conner gave me years ago. It's a bright yellow carving of a sun wearing shades holding another sign that reads: "Showers -$1. To watch -$2. With me -$5." Strolling back into a sleeping house, Goddess waits on the landing of the staircase. She is always the first to wish me a good morning. I rub her belly and she follows me inside. Hanging my towel I watch Sarah sleep and offer a deeper prayer of thanksgiving. Winston, the little gay dog, prances around like he's on meth. I throw the dogs treats while I throw on clothes and peddle to The Breakfast Club which is already full of bright lights and energy. I'm hugged by several people and pitched by several others while I sip coffee. The Community of Non-believers and believers has formed a congregation. Starting every day with friends is special. Sometimes we have long thoughtful talks and sometimes we're quiet ... simply being there with one another. As the restaurant opens, I leave and whisper my third prayer of thanks of the morning. On a clear day, the sun just be rising. Returning home I bring the dogs outside with me. Most mornings I have a couple of hours to myself here. Just me and Fran's thousand shades of green, a Palm Tree with an oyster face, coconut bra and grass skirt, and God. We don't talk much but all acknowledge each others presence. I love this time. And I love this place. There are signs that I've hung. "Umbrella Drinks Served Here" ... "Clothing Optional Beyond this point" ... "Spring Break" ... Whatever!" ... and "The Mermaid Lounge ... Cast away your troubles and have a Mari-i-time." And I do. The rest of the world still sleeps or is getting ready for work, at the Gym and extending the night into a new day. I sit quietly noticing everything surrounding me. People I love float in and out of my mind. Turning the computer on, the music begins ... "I'm skipping over the ocean like stone." It makes me smile. Everybody used to talk about me. They don't much anymore. I don't care. It's always peaceful and quiet in The Mermaid Lounge. Squirrels begin to violently dance in the Palm Trees. The rain continues to drip from the umbrella I sit under. My day has begun.