A Confession

It's best to be honest about it so here's a confession. Everything I write is not absolutely true. That's not to say that I lie. There are lots of ways to tell the truth and you can use farce, sarcasm, fiction or fantasy.

The arts are always ahead of the politicians in telling the truth. The Broadway Musical "West Side Story" brought racism and poverty to the public dialogue ten years ahead of popular discourse. It's a made up story about a real issue punctuated by songs spotlighting the things both right and wrong in America. There are countless other examples from the stage, popular song and, of course, in writing.

When Jesus was asked what is truth, he didn't say anything. He just stood there because the truth was so frigging obvious nothing needed to be said. He was standing there before Pilate who was quickly becoming Pontius and the Governor had a decision to make. He could do right or he could do wrong and that was the truth of the matter.

I use all of these tricks as I write about who I am, my journey, where I live, things I've done and what I hope.

Sometimes I poke fun at myself, Government, religion and things that happen. Other times I'm dead serious. Most often I merely explain what happened or what I think is going to take place. Occasionally I write comedy and a lot of people seem to like it and honestly, it's fun to write.

A long time ago I learned that no matter what I write or say, it will offend someone. It's the price of saying anything at all. It's a sad state of affairs when people remain silent so they won't get in trouble. History has proven repeatedly that bad things happen when silence reigns ... be it in a marriage, bad public policy or injustice.

Except in the case of injustice, I never mean to offend. I understand that regardless of how hard I try not to make someone mad, I will and I apologize for that.

We were created to be uniquely us. We all have gifts and talents to be shared. Someone is always going to be offended at one of your gifts ... one of your talents. And you'll likely take offence at others from time to time. What do you do?

I think you don't remain silent. You speak to the person or persons who offend you. You hope they speak to you. Truth is always in the middle. Pilate had to stare through it to ask Jesus the question. Nothing was said and bad things happened.

So when I write a lot of people say they're grateful while others inform me I'm full of it. Either way's OK. We're talking.

And that's the truth.

Happy Friday

It is Friday and everyone is ready for the weekend. People are trying their best to finish up what must be done while others have mentally checked out. A lucky few have already started and the not so fortunate others have full work days ahead as they gear up.

As a kid, I loved Fridays!  School's Out! Football games followed by date nights. Sundays were for asking for forgiveness.

In college Friday after glass meant road trips! We'd pack in someone's car, head to the beach or the city and party like its 1999. (Of course this was way before 1999.) I think the best road trip I remember, and let me be honest ... I don't remember many, was to Atlanta to see George Harrison in concert and afterwards hanging out with a bunch of Hari Krishna kids singing and playing tambourines.

In Seminary I was polishing off Sunday's Sermon. Hold up in my office in the inner city of Louisville, Kentucky, I started typing them out in advance though I never exactly stuck to the script when I delivered them. This is where I learned to speak and write but Friday's weren't all that great while I sat there waiting on God to tell me what to say.

Throughout my career at Union Mission, Friday became escape day. Get it down and get away! Beach weekends or road trips with the kids to Athens for football, it was the gateway for family time. My now adult kids still view it this way.

These days, I live somewhere between a virtual world and a real one. Living at our beachhouse and working throughout the world at the same time means the days blend together. It's more of a routine that must be kept. Get up, coffee at the Breakfast Club, drive the girls to school, a three mile run and then work, mostly on the computer or on the phone. Travel is the only disruption but where we are has no real impact on the routine.

But I never have to remind myself that its Friday.

It is the "Day of Venus" the Roman Goddess of love. Even if you're not a pagan, there's something nice about Friday belonging to love.

In Greek it's a day of preparation ... to ask for forgiveness on Sunday. The Greeks liked to plan ahead.

So lets dive in shall we?

Happy Friday!

Oh ... and forgive yourself on Sunday.

Hugs

Sarah and I are hugging in the kitchen. It is one  of those romantic and heartfelt embraces that comes in the middle of a deep conversation. Goddess growls before barking and is watching us intently. Raising her left front paw she scratches the leg of the table. Never taking her eyes off of us she barks again. Her tail is wagging the entire time.

She does this every time we hug. Her beautiful brown golden eyes stare at Sarah then at me. She takes a step back and looks at both of us at the same time.

"What?" we ask, pulling back from one another yet still connected.

She steps closer, wanted to be a part.

Reaching down with one hand, Sarah scratches her rear. Goddess' full attention is on her.

I take a step away and Goddess moves her head so I can rub behind her ears while Sarah continues on her body. Suddenly content, Goddess strolls away to her water bowl before meandering outside to lay in the sun on the beloved back deck.

For seven years she has been my companion. Through major transitions, the worst of times and now, the best of times, she's given her all. I don't know what I will do when her time is up ... I can't fathom it and my eyes grow moist if I dwell on it so I try to just enjoy her now.

She obviously enjoys us. She adores Sarah. She's gleefully excited when the girls get home from school. Should my kids stroll in she leaps with joy. Goddess loves Shirley's sad little holy dock, marsh hens, stopping at our neighbor Art's for treats. And she loves it when Sarah and I hug.

When I write she sits under my feet. She loves laying under the fire in the Chimenia. She and Winston, the little gay dog, love to play and steal one another's food. When visitors arrive she barks when they knock then greets them warmly when its opened. Should the living room be full of company she'll promptly fall asleep in the middle of the floor.

Goddess has never met a pair of socks she didn't want. At night she sleeps in the floor on my side of the bed though when Sarah wakes she rushes over to tell wish her a good morning.

She's a rescued dog having been thrown away when she was born. This has been the only home she's ever known. It is a home full of cluttered joy and she is restfully content.

She meanders back inside and walks close to where I'm perched in the kitchen so I'll rub her as she passes. Then makes her way to where Sarah sits at the desk in the front room and lays down beside her, very much a part of us.

Three years from now ... and beyond

Yesterday, three years ago, I came home from a three day working retreat, excited and looking forward to everything. As soon as I walked inside though, I was told I would soon be divorced. At first I sobbed then slowly settled down to crying and finally to deep sadness. She left for Atlanta.

So life took another unexpected turn as lives often do.

I wallowed in melancholy while trying to work which didn't turn out very well. My status updates were things like "How do you mend a broken heart?" ... "Don't they know it's the end of the world?" and such. My writing was full of loss and brokenness.

The first person to figure it out was Judy O who called and demanded, "What the hell is with all of these sad songs?" and I blurted it out and told her.

Shocked her and I can still her saying, "Well Phooey! That just sucks."

Johnny O showed up a little while later to make sure I was OK. I wasn't so he gathered this carnival of friends with the principal assignment of making certain I had support.

Six months later I left Union Mission though in retrospect I'd started that process a couple of years earlier. I'd tried to plan it right, having a successor and turning the keys over on a sunny day but it didn't work out that way. Everything about everything had changed.

Such things leave scars you may get over though you never forget.

Today, three years later, I am loved. The tears are gone and the sadness hides in dark corners. The once lonely and abandoned house is now filled with activity. I'm helping others and building new things. I'm rolling dice again. Though I still stumble from time to time, my pace is picking up towards the future I desire. If I don't make it ... it won't be for lack of effort.

Throughout this time, I wrote it out every day and put it on Facebook, www.Micheal-Elliott.blogspot.com and in personal communications when people asked me things. Reading them today I was merely letting out the hurt and sadness and was surprised at the number of people who expressed gratitude because they'd gone through similar things.

I then moved on to chronicling my crazy journey to replace love, find new joy and somehow get reborn. The old had passed away. Again, I was overwhelmed at the people who were on the same quest.

As Sarah and I fell in love, this same community of readers and friends celebrated everything with us.

It hasn't been a perfect journey. There are some things I wish I'd done differently. I'm still not doing everything right all of the time. I suspect those keeping up understand there is no such thing as perfect journeys. Surprises, shocks, sudden turns and stumbles happen along the way.

It is where I am today. It's so much better than three years ago. I believe it's nowhere near as good as it's going to be three years from now ... and beyond.  

Just between you and me

There is nothing to do except sit and wait.

It can be hard work waiting on the words to come.

Sometimes they come in the middle of the night and the morning is jump started. Some stories can't wait to be told. Occasionally its a line from a song (always playing in the background of my life), a phrase from a book I'm reading or a Michael Ruffin prayer that bring them to me.

On rare occasions I close my eyes and place my fingers on the keyboard and see what happens.

Then there are days like today. I sit and wait. I've learned to not rush it.

Watching the sun rise I'm surrounded by "the holy host of others" ... Fran and her thousand shades of green ... the Palm Tree with the oyster face, coconut bra and grass skirt ... a "Clothing Optional" sign that Conner gave me ... Winston, the little gay dog and Goddess of course.

Sarah sleeps and I'm dutiful about checking to make sure she's not interrupted. Her three little girls can wear your ass out.

Staring out the sliding glass doors, these things go in and out of focus. My mind races with images. Brynn Grant and I saw each other yesterday and she sprinkles delight even while pumping gas.

My mentor Ben Barnes, white napkin stuffed under his chin and pants pulled high around his waste, talking to me at lunch about how the older you get the more people forget about you.

Suzanne Mendonsa speaking to Ben and then warmly recognizing me, "Oh Micheal, it's been so long. How are you?" and the way she said it warmed my heart while unleashing many memories of her and her late husband Don.

Watching Sarah's parents meet my son Jeremy for the first time as they crawled out of bed and he and I stood in this kitchen looking like Hippies making each other laugh. Sarah's youngest Cassidy hauls herself out bed, blond hair askew from the pillow, ignores her Mom and grandparents to walk straight to Jeremy and lay her head against his stomach.

Getting a phone call from one of my illegitimate kids, Mary Catherine Berry, yesterday as to tell me that Bill's father had died. My heart broke for Bill, Micah, Kathy and Amber and I drove the car, sailing across the marsh in bright sunshine. I can still hear Mr. Berry on the phone when he discovered it was me, "Mike Yes! You need to talk to Bill. Bill needs to talk to you," and the rustling and excitement until Bill was on the phone.

The glaze washes away from my eyes. They are now moist as I wipe them.

There are no stories today.

No great inspiration.

There are these prayers just between God and me.

Divine Reasons

Sitting at the large oak conference room table on the second floor of Auburn Avenue in Atlanta, Georgia, I stared at the bookshelf and it struck me these were his books. Martin Luther King used to have meetings here and though he was long dead, these were things he held. It was humbling.

I have no recollection of why I was there. A long haired, twenty something, blue jean wearing hippy preacher from Louisville had been invited for some reason so there I sat. The rest of the table was filled with black folks and I remember Joseph Lowery was one.

I also remember quoting Malcolm X a lot though I don't know why. In Seminary I'd become a devotee of Liberation Theology much to the chagrin of the Southern Baptists.  The writings born in third world poverty had led me to Malcolm and, of course, Martin. I'm sure I quoted him arrogantly.

Later I sat in the Ebeneezer Baptist Church and decided to leave the service and explore the building. So I got up from the wooden pew where people flocked to hear Martin Luther King preach and wandered into a hall.

"Hello," said a surprised but incredibly poised Coretta Scott-King.

I'm not certain I said anything though she shook my hand warmly.

A few years later I would be with her again though I have no recollection why. She wore a black dress and we actually talked. I asked her a lot of questions and she smiled at young enthusiasm. I remember her smile.

I don't know why, or how, I've gotten to do so many things in my life. For divine reasons I suppose, I've ended up in the right places at the right times. I spent hours sitting in Will D. Campbell's cabin in Tennessee, in the pulpit of Mack Jones Church in St. Louis, and conducting services with Ron Bobo.

Guy Salyes and I once spent an afternoon in the home of Florence Jordan, wife of Clarence, the only prophet Southern Baptist have ever produced.

Milliard Fuller was a friend of mine.

Every year on this day, these things come to mind. I count myself blessed. I don't know why I got to do these things and be with these people.

"Anybody here, seen my good friend Martin?"

I never did though I walked over hills with friends of his.

And I'll tell you what they've me.

"Red and yellow, black and white, all are precious ..."

What Sundays are for

The sun erupts from the sea as a lone bird sings solo unseen in Fran's thousand shades of green. The ocean breeze has died and it seems warmer than it really is. Staring in prayerful contemplation through the sliding glass doors it is a Silent Morning, Holy Morning ... all is calm, all is bright.

My morning routine has been disrupted though. I swung by and picked up my son Jeremy for coffee at The Breakfast Club. We enjoy hanging out and I view it as a gift when we have the opportunity which grows rarer as life gets in the way. He'll be back in a bit to say goodbye to Sarah and the girls before he heads home to Marie.

Last night we were at my daughter Chelsea's engagement party. It's even rarer that she and I spent time together as she's busy building her own life. "Life's a gift," I'm fond of saying and I'm proud to have been part giver in hers.

Kristen brought Sterling and I'm always mindful when I'm with all of my kids at the same time because it happens less and less.

To make it better, my Mom was there and Jodee and Cheryl and Chelsea's friend Busby whom I love.

Topping it off were oysters, cooked the old fashion way over a fire pit and under a wet croaker sack. Steam was rising while stars winked and laughter bubbled around.

I hide these things in my heart this morning as Sarah still sleeps. Her parents are downstairs visiting from New York and the girls are with them. I'm trying to be quiet out of respect but still am listening to The Pirate out of Key West where my friend Joey Finch lives. It is my Sunday morning tradition and I am warmed on winter days.

I don't know what today holds.

It's a gift that I plan on enjoying.

Goddess wanders in and lays under my bare feet dangling from the table. She sighs loudly which makes me laugh.

"Let it out and let it in," I think, quoting The Beatles.

That's why God made Sundays. Let everything in the past go. Let everything in the now in.

"Amen," I say out loud as I hear little girls whispers down stars.

Kids

My world is full of kids right now.

All of mine will be in the same place at the same time and I'll be there too which is nothing short of a modern day miracle. Friends of Chelsea are throwing her an oyster roast tonight and who doesn't like an oyster roast? The weather is perfect! Jeremy's here for it and the ever illusive Kristen is even attending.

As I age, I'm ever grateful for my kids and the fact that we really do enjoy each other.

There's the girls of course. I went from living alone to having a wife and her three daughters move in with me. Talk about culture shock! Plus Goddess is female, a real bitch! And then Winston, the little gay dog, moved in with us too. It's often overwhelming though I am learning a lot.  I never knew how much toilet paper is actually used in the course of a day. It makes me feel sorry for trees.

It doesn't end there.

There are these other kids.

Ryan and Dani Sadowski have been part of my life their entire lives. I don't know what I would do without them. I don't know what they would do without me. Yesterday I took Ryan a bag of socks. Somehow he's grown up without understanding people need socks. I admire this about him but there are times when socks are necessary.

Last night Mandy Sayles and I were going back and forth on Facebook. I've known Mandy her entire life. She lives and performs in New York City and cracks me up. She's one of the funniest people I know. Her Mother and Father kidnapped me once and forced me to attend Seminary. Years later they realized this was a tragic mistake and have spent the rest of their lives doing penitence.

Mandy has brother named Eliot. Coincidence? I think not though Guy denies I had anything to do with it.

On the other hand, Mandy has claimed that she must be my daughter because we're so much alike to which I say, "I never had relations with that woman."

Hold on, I'm lighting a cigar.

Then there's Micah Berry, son of Bill Berry (not the former drummer for REM but the other one). I love Micah deeply. He is a famous musician and we share that soul though he got all of the talent. He's also funny as hell though when we have long talks he reminds me a lot of his father and Bill and I are so close that it's not funny.

His sister Amber actually moved to Savannah for a while and though we only saw each other occasionally, it was wonderful to have her near. She's on my mind a lot these days as she's embarked on an unexpected journey and her father has turned into a Hobbit and there's a picture Micah took to prove it.

I love them all.

They enrich my life, make me laugh and keep me young. I gain tremendous joy watching them become them.

Then Micah marries Mary Catherine and Dani marries Peter and the number of kids in my life grows.

Now Chelsea is finally getting around to marrying Sam and ...

it just doesn't get any better.

I love my kids.

It All Works Out

Everything has a way of working out. 

I don't profess to understand "why" and I certainly can't comprehend the "how" but it all works out somehow.

I've got a lot to do today and sitting here contemplating how to get it all done before all hell breaks lose this afternoon. 

In case you don't know, hell breaking lose transpires in the following order: (1) The girls come from school. (2) Jeremy comes from home from Athens and we plan on having fun. (3) Sarah's parents show up tonight and we have terrific mutual relationship --- I don't say much to them and they don't say much to me. (4) Chelsea and Sam show up and there's a party. (5) Someone turned the wind on so drinking on the back is no longer an attractive option.

If that isn't enough I'm scheduled lunch at The Landings, an exclusive gated community that's an hour drive from here. It was with someone I couldn't say no to ... so I' staring out the window contemplating how to get through everything.

The phone rings and it's the person I can't say no to. He has to cancel. Suddenly I'm gifted four hours back.

Hanging up, I whisper a prayer to no one in particular ... "Thank you."

Strolling to the sliding glass doors in the kitchen I stare outside. Bright sunshine glows through the wind is bitterly cold and Fran's thousand shades of green violently dance as though processed by Satan. Large flower pots lay on their sides. I hate it.

Goddess though seems to be in heaven. Her golden coat blows in the wind as she lays there contently, the sole proprietorial owner of the deck.

My mind takes me back to school, illness, marriages, awful times and grand accomplishments. I think of my friends and the things they've been through and their current struggles. People I've known who are no longer on earth lead me to others who are here now though their time is short. Everything I've done, everyone I've known and all that I am now hits me all at once.

"It all works out," I say out loud.

If you believe that ... then it really does.

If you don't ... then hell is always breaking lose. 

Memories ... rot the corners of my mind

My brother David has gone nuts! He spends all of his time scanning pictures that he stole from my mother's house and is plastering them on Facebook.

I have not signed a letter of consent and am contemplating a lawsuit.

To my knowledge, Angi hasn't signed one either and I know for a fact she sure as hell is gonna explode when she sees the picture of her pageboy haircut, looking like a goof as she sits in a wagon between David and me.

My Mom got so irritated at (a) David's photographic kleptomania (b) the pictures he keeps posting we all hate (c) she's still mad he never made up his bed a single day of his life, and (d) the time he wrecked Dad's truck, didn't know what to do so he went home and went to sleep in his unmade bed. When they woke him up asking, "Where's the truck?" he claimed to have been in bed the whole time (in his case this is a very plausible defense) ... she called him.

"Stop putting bad pictures of me on Facebook," she scolded.

"They're precious memories," he replied.

I think Mom answered with mostly verbs followed by pronouns.

Honestly, I don't care if David posts them but stop tagging me. (I don't care if you tag Angi and he's got a lot of making up with Mom to do.) In fact, I actually like the one when Gene Prevatt and I got a group together at "Root Beer Drive In" for the only meeting of the Groves High School Greasers Appreciation Society." I look good in that one.

But ... I'm not big on the past. It was mostly great but it had terrible times too. My typical response is "Thank God that's over! What you wanna do now?"

The funny thing is we're always making memories. Some are great. Others are awful. Most are completely forgotten. I prefer to think about the next great memory and to make a mountain of them one at a time.

David likes to remember the past which is great too! It's why The Cracker Barrel exists.

But I find myself thinking about Costa Rica. We haven't been there yet. It'll make a great memory!

I'll send David pictures.

He can post them.

Before my funeral

Life is a gift none of us asked for yet each of us share.

Some of us were planned though a lot of us weren't. The fortunate had good parents, a nice place to live, enjoyable friends and a lot of nurturing. More likely had one good parent, a place, friends and there were some good times. Way too many didn't even have these.

Many lives are long while others are tragically short. It's one of the funny things about life ... you never have any certainty whatsoever how long its going to last.

Make the most of it while you've got it. Enjoy the hell out of those you share it with because they're a changing cast of characters.  Other people's lives drop in and out of yours. Some only make camio apperances.

You only get it once so do your best to take advantage of it!

I'm fond of saying these things at funerals.

Funerals are reminders that all good things come to an end. Bad things come to an end too. Nothing last forever and when the funeral is over its best to get on with your life ... and what's left of it.

There is no funeral today.

Sitting on the beloved back deck on an unusually warm mid-January day, my bare feet dangle from the chair at the table under the umbrella. Sarah's inside on the phone. Goddess and Winston, the little gay dog, are inside with her. This weekend all of my kids will be in the same at the same time. Sarah's girls are begging me to both take them and pick them up from school because all of their friends think I'm cool. I have a lunch date with friends later. Tonight, I'm grilling dinner because the weather supposed to turn cooler tomorrow so ... I only have today.

We all only have today.

We'll do good things and bad things and things that cannot possibly be explained. We'll get it done or we won't. If we're lucky, we'll laugh a little, cry a little or at least find something to hold onto.

The truth of the matter is I have no clue how ... or why ... I'm still here. Death has kissed me three times in my life though I walked away each time.

There's a reason though.

I'm very grateful today of everything and every one I have in my life. Friends I love, children's laughter, kids who talk to me most every day, and a wife and best friend who I get to spend more time with anyone. I don't deserve it though I can sure as hell make a case that I do.

But I don't.

Life is gift that I didn't ask for and I get to share with an incredible family and wonderful friends.

Before I attend my funeral, I hope to understand why.

Today's News

It's been a couple of years since I've been in the Newspaper. For over twenty years I was mentioned in it almost weekly. They always used old photographs though which is why I never minded doing television interviews because they at least accurately portrayed what I looked like that day.

But today I'm in the newspaper again. I wrote a letter to the editor. It's far easier than it used to be. Back then I'd actually send a letter, a week later someone would call to verify it was me who'd submitted it and a  week later it would be published as "Old News."

Last week, I had lunch with Shirley Sessions (who actually runs most of Chatham County) and Skutch (who is a reporter who looks like an actor in a B-movie playing a reporter). They'd been after me for months to get off the island so I finally relented and met them at the Crystal Beer Parlor. We laughed a lot as we ate.

Sometime during the conversation, Skutch mentioned two articles on homelessness coming out. That used to be my life so I listened as he explained that no one seems able to explain why things are such a mess. Everybody says they're doing the best they can but it's all gotten worse.

On Sunday and Monday, I read his articles and quickly learned I had no idea how worse things have gotten. No one's in charge and it's tough to have a war on homelessness if nobody's in charge.

It's as my friend Father Vernon Robertson once told me.

"Mike, every successful organization needs one Son-of-a-bitch. That's why the Catholic Church has the Pope! He says all of the things we can't do and keeps us in line."

"Uh-huh," replied.

"The problem with you Southern Baptist is that there a hundred thousand Sons-of-bitches all believing they're the one."

That's how it is in Savannah's reactions to homelessness these days.

It broke my heart which has been broken several times over. Nobody remembers the things that worked. Fewer are keeping up with things working elsewhere. People merely seem to be chasing money. I've tried to stay away from it all but felt moved to do something so I wrote a letter.

Letters to the Editor are far easier now. I e-mailed it. The next day it's published. (The online version of the Savannah Morning News sucks! If you stay with it though, you can read the letter if you want at http://savannahnow.com/opinion/2013-01-14/letters-editor-tuesday#.UPVigR083_M )

Skutch did call to verify it was me who had sent it.

Beginning with a Noun followed by a verb he said, "Why don't you tell it like it is son ...?"

I thought he was going to keep going with the Son part but he stopped.

"I did," I answered.

There was silence followed by muffled laughter.

"Yeah," he said drawing the conversation to a conclusion. "We miss that."

Sunday Postludes

There we were sitting and standing in Doc's Bar, commonly known as "The Geriatric Ward" on the island, listening to the "Savannah Singer/Songwriter Series."  Four talented musicians told stories, played and sang their songs which is a wonderful way for a Sunday to draw to a close.

I like Sunday nights when they're done right. Too many of mine were wasted getting ready for Monday morning. For year's I dreaded Mondays through this came after decades of loving them. Both perspectives define what your Sunday evenings are like.

If you love your work and what you do, Sunday evenings are enjoyable preludes building up to a crescendo of action, intensity, comradeship and fulfillment.

If you don't love what you do, Sunday evenings become dreadful reminders that you're getting ready to give up the things you love as you sacrifice yourself again for the almighty dollar, working for the Man or simply trying to stay half a step ahead of the wolves snapping at your heals.

I've lived both and much prefer the former to the later.

Throw in Sunday night Cheeseburgers and it just gets better!

Way back in college we would go home for the weekends and return late on Sundays. The Western Sizzlin in Statesboro came up with clever promotion of 99 cent Cheeseburgers for returning students so we'll hook up there before hauling the clean laundry back to the dirty Dorms where we lived.

Those were great celebrations! We'd share what our weekends had been like as we basically had a party to conclude the end of another weekend while sliding into another Monday.

That's what we did last night.

After the music ended we strolled down the sidewalk to The Rock House ordered cheeseburgers and acted like we were still in college. We laughed, made fun of each other, challenged things and acted like kids.

"I believe if I refuse to grow I can stay young till I die," is one of my favorite lines from the musical "Pippin".

I do too.

Music, cheeseburgers, beers and friends on a Sunday night is the best Postlude to a worshipful day.

Before falling asleep I kissed Sarah, thanked my lucky stars, and said "Amen."

Oh ... and Monday!

Kiss my ass!

Party On Dudes

First we had a Toga party and sure enough everyone showed up wearing one! The last couple to arrive were non-Tybee people and were not dressed in Togas so they felt naked and uncomfortable. The rest of us felt sorry for how silly they looked in long pants and sweaters.

Then we had a Saran Wrap party. Everyone had to wear Saran Wrap though it could be in any way or fashion they chose. Mine had a Christmas theme though Sarah's took the cake.

We've been talking about what to do next.

We went to "Drag Queen Bingo" in Key West so there's the possibility of a replicating such an event at our house. The guys will come dressed as girls and the girls dressed as guys. Johnny O and Judy O have already been trailblazers in this so it would be pretty easy to pull off. The rest of us could simply follow their lead.

Sarah normally comes up with the theme and while she hasn't asked my opinion I normally give it to her anyway. I have a couple of ideas.

I think an "Anything But Clothes" party would be a huge hit. Attendees could wear a box, wrap themselves in feathers, or glue pages from books on them. If they're in a hurry they can merely show up al' natural and still have a good time.

You can see why she doesn't ask my opinion I still give it to her.

Should you all wish to start a write-in campaign for the idea then I encourage you to let her know your support of the A-B-C's or simply click yes to this so I can show her the overwhelming world-wide support for us to host this party.

Though we ran out of time we contemplated hosting a "Burning of the Grievances" party. Everyone would write down the hurts, injustices and bad things that happened to them on a piece of paper. Then we'd all gather, have cocktails and food before burning our grievances in the Chimenia on the beloved back deck.

Then I wrote my list of grievances and it was thirty-seven pages long. The Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous (Jerry Rainy) is the world's biggest grievance I can think of and it got me to wondering if needed stakes rather than the Chimenia.

This got me to thinking about how long everyone else's list would be. Such a party would have to be hosted by Jodee and Cheryl as they have one of the world's largest fire pits in their backyard. The heat from our collective fire could heat the entire island and the light it would cast would likely draw Wise Men from the East.

It's an inconsistent concept though. It's easy to connect the dots between Togas, Saran Wrap and "Anything But Clothes". There's simply no place for grievances in such parties.

Neither is there in life.

Party on Dudes!

Experiencing God

"Write your heart," she told me after I asked what I should write about.

I normally do.

One of the nicest gifts I received over the holidays was a Facebook message from my friend Jan who lives in Austin, Texas. It's one of those things that I keep and read every so often because it hasn't lost its luster and still surprises me when I read it.

"Micheal, I don't know how it is but I'm sure many people feel as I do ... that knowing you a little bit means knowing your quite well. You are so good at opening your heart and your soul --- whether it be by your mischievous smile, your wicked laughter or your heartfelt writings that could move a mountain --- that knowing you a little means knowing you well."

She goes on expressing the happiness that Sarah brings to me and then "I take hope there are more in the world who can make the rest of us sing at a whim, even though off key most of the time."

Finally, she explains that should I ever a New Year's that isn't quite happy again, she and her husband will be there for me just like they know, I'll be there for them."

I was, and remain, blown away.

I'm really good at giving affirmation, encouragement and love. I love recognizing others and celebrating their accomplishments. I really like to give someone an award.

On the other hand, I'm not so great accepting these things. I get choked up easy when affection's thrown my way. I try to deflect recognition to others. I thank everyone who should have received the award other than me.

So when Jan sent me her Christmas message directly aimed at me, I immediately understood how special such things are. I stumbled inside and read it to Sarah. It takes a lot for anyone to speak directly to another and say, "I love you." It's even more radical when they explain why.

When it happens though, the veil in the Temple hiding the Holy of Holies is ripped asunder. The skies in your heart grow dark and thunder explodes and lightening flashes, singling the Presence of God. Then the heart is warmed. The sun explodes out of the sea. A still small voice explains, "It is good."

Another Day at work

It is a beautiful January day! Sitting in shorts and a tee shirt with bare feet dangling from the high chair at the table under the umbrella on the beloved back deck, I am trying to work.

It is hard!

Waves crash into the shore continuing an opera they began yesterday. It is mesmerizing music accompanied by a choir of birds sitting in Fran's thousand shades of green.

A couple of red Hibiscus blooms are hanging on but the green leaves have turned yellow. Two marsh hens are wandering around the front yard. The sun is burning a hole through light fog throwing enough glare that I'm wearing sunglasses.

Who in the hell can work under these conditions?

I search for "Beach Music" on Rhapsody and the Beach Boys inform me that "I can hear music! Sweet, sweet music."

Staring at the screen I read an email from someone in China named Lin JianFa informing me that his company wishes to use the domain that I own. I dash off a quick two word reply utilizing only a verb and a pronoun.

The Palm Tree with the oyster shell face, coconut bra and grass skirt smiles as I do so. Behind her are signs I've hung on the wooden fence. One says "Fish Naked."

Beside it is another. "It's 5 o'clock somewhere."

I google what time it is in China and it's 10:30 at night.

"Damn," I say to Goddess. "I've missed 5:00!" as I turn off the computer and close down the office for the day.

One of those nights

The waves crash onto the shore sounding like an opera.

Fire burns in the Chimenia casting shadows on the wall.

Ocean breezes blow lightly.

Fran's thousand shades of green dance in the dark.

My bare feet dance on the wooden planks of the beloved back deck.

Winston, the little gay dog, prances around my feet.

Goddess snores underneath the fire.

Orion shoots an arrow overhead in a pitch black sky though it is diamonds he is shooting.

Sarah is chasing girls, hair askew, exhausted and ready for bed.

I've just hung up the phone with Jeremy, now back in Athens missing his wife Marie who is in Valdosta so he needed a touch of home.

I'm saying prayers for Bill Berry, not the former drummer for REM but the other one ... the one who has been so instrumental in me turning into me.

Taking a break from reading my friend Nanci Hartland's book "True Confessions of a Reluctant Giraffe", I ponder a few of the lines.

An old woman tells her, "Nanci dear, when you are old and your mind has quite forgotten the details, the troubles, the pain and even the soup burning on the stove, your heart will always remember love, if you have opened your heart. What has your heart forgotten? What is it you want? Open your heart to it."

I like that.

Sitting down, I prop my feet on the railing and try to take notice of the things God is up to tonight.

It's extremely warm for January and the forecast calls for it to continue for days.

I sip the wine I'm drinking now wondering what Orion is shooting.

Turning, I look inside the house through the sliding glass doors and Sarah blows me kiss as she falls on the sofa.

My open heart catches it and I turn back to God's holy night for a bit more prayer as Winston, the little gay dog, prances, Goddess snores, the fire glows and the ocean sings an opera.

The Continuing Saga of Criminal Dogs on Tybee

The dogs got off again.

The dog catcher called in sick.

I'm certain it's a paid "called in sick.

So Goddess and Winston, the little gay dog, got yet another continuance. Goddess doesn't seem to give a damn. She's asleep after eating a bunch of brownies all afternoon.

Winston, the little gay dog, is scared shitless though.

Aside from being traumatized by the Tybee Island Police Department, it's Judicial System, a political system that only loves feral cats and hates coyotes, the poor little thing had his balls whacked off last week.

 I have them in a baggie.

They are "Exhibit A" for Judge Harry S (wasn't he a porn star in the 1980s?) who made it perfectly clear last time we were in court that he sides with tattoo covered officers and will not tolerate barking gay dogs.

(I don't remember a Harry S in the 1980's porn movies doing gay stuff but there is a lot of the 80's I don't remember.)

So I have Winston's, the little gay dog, balls in a baggie to demonstrate we've done everything possible to keep him quiet.

If that doesn't get Judge Harry S off, I don't know what will.

Anyway, I walked inside the Tybee Courtroom which is inside a large garage, to be greeted by a small tattooed, skin head officer demanding I empty my pockets so he could wave his wand at me. Throwing my keys, phone, money, Winston's, the little gay dog, balls in a  baggie in the dish, he had his way with me and then I was allowed inside the court ... which was packed.

Then Goddess and Winston's, the little gay dog's, attorney informed me that I'd have to come back in two weeks.

It's Tybee. It's an island. What do you do?


The Tybee Judicial system is slow. For the third time because Harry S demands it, a uniformed, wand waving tattooed Skin head with a badge gets to do me again.

Winston, the little gay dog, remains traumatized for another two weeks because of the anti-gay profiling that takes place on this island.

I'm not sure how Goddess feels about it all. She's passed out and snoring though there is one brownie left.

I'm thinking about calling a puppy psychiatrist because I don't think Winston, the little gay dog, can continue to cope under this pressure. He shakes, refuses to go outside alone, sleeps under the bed, has lost weight and the frequency of licking himself has significantly increased.

Besides I'm worried that the girls might mistake Winston's, the little gay dog, balls in a baggie for Fireballs. Sarah would go nuts if she walked in and the girls had a jaw poking out on one side and found an empty baggie on the floor.

I guess we'll find out how this ends in another two weeks.

Telling My Story

"MIKE! Did you do it?"

"No' mam," I replied.

That's probably how my story telling career actually began though I don't recall the specific incident. It could have been a lot of things.

"Did you steal all of the American flags out of the school?

"Did you steal all of the fire extinguishers out of the Mill over the Viaduct?"

"Did you and Gene Prevatt hitchhike to Tybee and go to Doc's Bar?"

"Were you caught in the Baptismal Pool at Church with a girl?"

"Did you and Gene Prevatt start a riot at Groves yesterday?"

"You want to tell me why the Police picked you up at Softball practice and brought you home?"

The answer was always, "No'mam."

Later when I went to Seminary, I learned to use adverbs and lots of adjectives which have proven to be significant additions to my story telling capabilities.

"Mike did you just hurl your Greek book outside of the second story window and almost hit Guy Sayles as you did it?"

"Hell no, Professor Olmanson. I know not of which you speak. I was studying my Sunday School lesson."

After I graduated I spent a great deal of time at the state Capitol in Atlanta and in Congress where the art of story telling has been perfected. These places taught me that you never need the whole truth when you speak. Half-a-truth will do. AND! ... if you wear a suit when you tell your story more people will believe what you're telling them.

PLUS! ... I live on Tybee Island where Police lie, bicycles get drunk but not their riders, and the Baptist Church proclaims that they "really do love everybody! Honest! We do love those filthy, rotten sinners who go to Fannie-on-the-beach and Doc's Bar!"

Each of these have taught me one of life's most valuable lessons. Never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.

It should come as no surprise then that I now work for a company called "Let Us Tell It." Our tag line is "You have a story. Let Us Tell it!"

Pretty good huh?

We have a code of ethics though. If you get caught in bed with several people other than your spouse then no matter how many stories we tell, it's not going to help. We're not going to take you on as a client. Pretty much anything else goes though.

Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to review my experience and credentials for our company.

Have a great day!

Even you Baptists who frequent Fannies-on-the-beach and Doc's Bar!

Creating New Things

Three years ago today was my last major accomplishment at Union Mission. Dutch Town Villas, a forty something unit apartment complex was Savannah's initial Housing First program taking people directly from the streets and moving them into their own homes.

I posted a Tweet that I was "off to the opening of the Dutch Town development, a home for the homeless. Not a shelter. Shelters are not the answer!" A home is.


The brand new construction sits on five acres on the city's south side and is beautiful. Hundreds of people showed up for the opening. The Mayor, County Commission Chair, state legislators, were present. Pastor Ricky Temple of Overcoming Faith Church delivered the invocation. The Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous (Jerry Rainy) was the Master of Ceremonies.

I sat on the second row, off to the right beside a wife who had already made up her mind to leave me for something better. The next time I would see her she'd inform me of our impending divorce.

Also unbeknownst to me was that my trusted Chief Financial Officer was misappropriating hundreds of thousands of dollars. It would be another few weeks before I found that out.

Nor did I know that members of the staff were formulating complaints against me primarily because I was making significant changes to the way the company was running.

A behavioral health collaborative I'd been instrumental in starting had begun to unravel because people were resistant to change, entrenched in politics and greedy to keep things the same. It would soon blow up and be front page news leaving me the bearer of the blame.

I didn't know any of these things sitting there proud of the million dollar development. It was the latest, and last, in a series of grand developments we'd orchestrated. A million dollar hospital for homeless and poor people, a behavioral health center costing the same and now Dutch Town.

I was riding high.

So when all of these things happened in pretty quick succession, my fall was far and fast.

When the air cleared, I walked away from it all. Truth be told, lots of people wanted me to, praying for it and doing anything they could to make it so. At the end, the door slammed shut behind me.

If you've never spent time wandering in the wilderness, it's quite the experience. I bounced between Tybee Island and St. Martin, maintained relationships with a very small group of friends, did some work throughout the country with the International Street Medicine Institute but mostly spent time hurt and wounded on the beloved back deck of my house.

The world I'd happily lived in was no more and I was overwhelmed by the loss.

Today I can still feel some of the feelings. The sudden loss of love, the brutal act of betrayal and the abandonment of people you believed in are things you never completely get over. All of the scars are on the inside.

I got through it though. Actually a lot of little things that got me through it. A tiny collection of friends formed themselves into my personal church, believing in me when I no longer believed in  myself. They strung together little acts of kindness and my healing began to happen. I am forever indebted to them.

Looking at it today in the rear view mirror, I'm proud of it all. Great things are never accomplished without controversy. Some grow to hate if you're more successful than them. Though there is only the slightest tinge of regret, I can't think of much I would have done differently. I gave it all my best.

Today my eyes are ahead, no longer looking back. "It's time to create new things," I used to tell people I worked with, "so go! Create!"

If anyone cares, that's what I've been doing. New love has been born. My family is bigger than it was.The routines are all different. It's a slower life though no less intense. I've held on to places and things I love but they're all different now too. I'm not the same. I've been reborn.

"No one puts new wine in old wine skins ... new wine calls for new" ... things. I'm focused on creating new things, a new me, a better one because "old things are passed away, behold, all things become new."

I like new.