Broken Church

After delivering a eulogy, overseeing a memorial lunch, a Sunset wedding on the Beach, writing the bulletin, preparing a sermon and practicing the music, I'm pretty tired when I arrive at Benny's to set up for Bar Church.

Taking tables and bar stools off the raised stage area, I lug massive powered speakers into place, connect them to the sound board, set up microphones and arrange the area for the band ... which I have a vague notion of who it is today.

Bob Fulton arrives showing off his newest guitar. Eric Johnson brings his own microphone and plugs into the board. The steady and always pleasant David Duennebier rolls his self contained bass guitar and sound system into place. Tommy Hall strolls in carrying an electric Fender. Last is Gordon Hill and his suitcase of harmonicas.

As we run through the songs, my guitar isn't fitting in so I jiggle the chord and the electric pickup snaps slipping inside the box.

After fishing it out, David suggested I run it to the outside so I duct tape it into place.

"This is going to be a Hell of a service," I mutter.

Bob engages the make shift congregation with his rendition of John Prine's "When I Get to Heaven."

Eric's really on fire singing two songs about "Daddy" for Father's Day filling the Bar with a holiness.

When it's time for me, I limp through Jimmy Buffett's "Little Mrs. Magic", mercifully redeemed by Gordon's harmonica playing then I proceed to deliver the lamest, rambling, God-awful excuse for a sermon ever preached.

I hate hearing it as I say it.

Somewhere in all this, David's wife Elisa whispers I look angry. I reply I'm merely trying to orchestrate chaos into order.

"Well," she replies. "You should hug Bob."

After the service was over, leaving me feeling incredible inept and longing for redemption, I do as she asked and hug Bob.

Grinning, he says, "Well, another came together just like He planned."

Every believer worth her or his salt has doubts and I have a hard time believing God has anything to do with it.

Remaining at the Bar sit several folks in no hurry to leave.

"Can we ask you something?" they ask.

"You just did," I reply heading for the bathroom.

"Can we get baptized?"

It stops me dead in my tracks.

"In the Bar or the Ocean?"

"The Ocean," three different people agree.

I do not understand the mechanics of Church.

It's a horrible thing for the minister to admit but it's true.

Eric grabs me later, grinning from ear to ear. "I've found my calling," he proclaims. "This is it!"

At home, Sarah Elliott cheerfully asks, "How was it?"

Grimacing, I sit beside my wife and open a beer.

"I have no idea."

"So nothing unusual?" she smiles.

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Tybee Church ministers to those traditional churches can't reach and to continue doing it we are conducting a campaign to raise $10,000 to cover one year's cost. We're over 1/3 of the way there! If you've been helped by Bar Church, are blessed keeping up with us daily on Face Book or want to help Church without walls, you can at

Tybee Church

P.O. Box 1511

Tybee Island, GA 31328

or click https://www.gofundme.com/tybeebarchurch

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THIS SUNDAY AT BAR CHURCH ... we'll get back to you ... soon.

Stepfather my Ass!

I'm a Dad and a Step-Dad.

I hate the term "Step-Dad"!

What the Hell does that mean?

I need to step up to the plate because I'm not part of the chemical equation that made them?

They make me step out of my comfort zone because the values they bring to our family is not the ones I do?

I must keep in step with three girls because I totally outnumbered?

Every day, and every night, I thank God for these girls who fill my life with ... CRAZINESS! ... too much estrogen! ... circular arguments! ... underwear everywhere! ... a sink constantly full of dishes! ... boys they like and I hate! ... ridiculous immediate plans ... an utter lack of understanding of finances!

One of them leaves me exhausted, frustrated and tired ... but there are three ... and they like to gang up on me.

Yet ...

Maddie asks my opinion before talking to her Mother and I'm more zoned on giving her the right counsel, I may as well be negotiating world peace.

Laurel wanders in the kitchen, absentmindedly kisses my cheek smiling like snails died in her mouth, asks what I'm having for lunch ... because she slept way past breakfast ... then collapses in the floor to tell me her plans for the day.

Cassidy streaks into the kitchen to get her 9th candy bar of the morning, trying to hide it by moving extremely fast and slamming her hips into my cheek saying "I love you Mike" then disappearing into her room with God knows how much candy as I try to locate which tooth it was she's knocked out of my mouth.

The other day at The Breakfast Club, where Maddie works and I frequent, it's brought up she'd said she needed to ask her parents something ... meaning Sarah and me ... not the contributor to the chemical equation that made her ... and salt water wells in my eyes hearing it.

"Oh My God! Are you crying?" Caroline asks.

I did.

I'm damn proud of it too.

I love my daughters!

I love being ... whatever in the Hell I am to them ... and I'll tell you this ... I ain't a "step" anything!
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Tomorrow at Tybee Bar Church Monty Parks, Eric Johnson, Bob Fulton, David Dunnibier and Micheal!
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Tybee Church needs help to continue it's ministries and to expand them. If you can, please support through the mail at P.O. Box 1511, Tybee Island, GA 31328

or by clicking https://www.gofundme.com/tybeebarchurch
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Want your wedding to be a laid back island affair? Rev. Micheal Elliott is available to conduct your service. Contact him through the Tybee Bar Church Face Book page.

A Two Pitcher Night

"This hurts me more than it's going to hurt you," my Dad says taking his off belt with one hand and grabbing my wrist with the other.

Dad lied.

I hurt like Hell way more than he did when it was over.


It was Mrs. Johnson's fault for having the audacity to work late after school was long out to call my parents to discuss my classroom behavior ... EVEN WHEN I WASN'T IN CLASS!

Dad always claimed it made him cry but I never saw it jumping from my twin bed to my brother David's while Dad held my wrist in vice grip and hit with the belt.

Today, I could have him arrested but ... Dad's ruled back then.

We went through a real tough time after that.

He's raising an adolescent boy in the late 60s and early 70s and I'm questioning Authority, a mantra of the times and Dad was the ultimate authority!

Decades pass and we eventually make our way back to each other.

Home visiting, we escape the family to slip into a Bar to split a pitcher of beer.

I'm in Seminary which he doesn't understand and he's retired playing golf and cards most every day.

We talk for the first time in years ... about family, I had a son by then so a lot focused on him, Georgia football, people who were gone, good times ... bad times.

It ended up being a two pitcher night.

Afterwards as I grew older and he accelerated the rapid decline that is old age, we talked daily.

If life got in the way and the call didn't occur, he grew sullen and short with my Mom.

I ascend as he declines.

Once in the hospital, I help him pee into the plastic jug Hospitals charge $200 for when my son asked if I'm embarrassed.

"He held it for me when I was little. I'm just paying him back. Same as you're going to do for me one day."

"Gee! Thanks Dad," Jeremy groans.

That's what Father's Day really about though.

Dad's start the birthing process with receptive Mothers.

They do their best to be a parent which is always far more than bargained for though if they're lucky ... and their daughters and sons are blessed ... it goes full circle and we all learn it took everything we gave ... for them to be them ... and for us to be us.

Thanks Dad for kicking off my life.

Happy Father's Day Son.

Blessings to the Mothers who also filled Father's shoes!

Happy Day Everyone!
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Sunday at Bar Church is all about Father's Day though they wouldn't be without Mother's. You can't have one without the other and we don't discriminate! 
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Bar Church really needs some help from the non-Bar crowd. Tips and tithes can be made to

Tybee Church
P.O. Box 1511
Tybee Island, GA 31328

or clicking https://www.gofundme.com/tybeebarchurch

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Micheal is also available to conduct wedding services!