The Love Between Us

"What kind of damn minister are you?" Roma bellows from across the Pool Table.

If you've spent any amount of time on Tybee over the past 20 years, you remember Roma.

She remains a revered Icon on the island ...

Somehow, though I don't know how, she was a Queen but we met when she was a lowly "Yard Goddess" a 60 year old grass eating machine, watering your plants and trimming your hedges.

She was Tybee's first lawn care service and though she did excellent work, she didn't look the part with short, wild gray hair exploding from the red bandanna wrapped around her head, sitting over tan, bare shoulders before a colorful halter top left over from the 60's... no bra ... and khaki shorts.

Around 11 every morning she'd break for lunch, go to Fannie's, drink Miller Lite while playing the slot machine on the counter, meet Judy and John O'Neil ... Trolley Joe ... Chicago Bob and eventually me ... whom she call "The Rev."

After lunch, she went home, showered and changed before returning with the same basic collection of people to shoot pool.

It was not a friendly little game.

We were cut throat competitive and Roma was the best of us all ... with her short little sawed off pool cue.

It was an intense game and she's aiming to shoot.

"Dear Lord Jesus," I pray out loud, "make her miss."

Snickering, mostly with confidence, she hits the cue which hits the 9 ball which hits the 7 ball which ... misses.

"What kind of damn minister are you?" she bellows.

Lining up for my shot to win the game, I smile, catch her eyes and answer, "A damn good one."

She didn't miss another shot the rest of the game ... or the rest of the day ... wiping up the pool table with my ... holiness.

We became good friends, fiercely coming up with tangible expressions of our love.

Like the December morning I came out my house to drive to the Breakfast Club to find a lit reindeer, stolen from someone's yard, epoxied to the top of my car.

Have you ever driven down Butler Avenue while it's dark with a lit reindeer on your car?

Even back then, the Tybee Cops will you over.

"Roma why did you put a lit Reindeer on my car?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Roma protests though her blue eyes start to dance, a thin angry smile explodes into laughter as she falls into my arms.

"Let's to it to O'Neil tomorrow," she giggles as we still embrace.

So we do.

We did lots of other things too.

"I need you at City Council tonight," bellows one afternoon through the phone.

"No Roma," I insist. "I don't do City Council."

"Dammit," she snaps, "I need a minister and you're mine."

"Since when?" I roll my eyes.

"Since now!" she yells slamming down the phone.

So I go to City Council which I am loath to do but I love Roma so there I sit.

I'm so glad I went.

The controversy was allowing Golf Carts on the streets.

The issue was Howard ... you all know Howard ... he's got physical disabilities .... rides his Golf Cart mostly to the Wind Rose and around Tybrisa ... it's the only way he gets around.

Someone on Council thinks it sets a precedence for others to drive Gold Carts on sidewalks without lights at night while intoxicated and has introduced a motion to make life safer for Howard and everyone else who wants a Golf Cart on Tybee.

"You are profiling a paraplegic!" Roma tells the City Council.

Honestly at the time, there were perhaps three Golf Carts on the island but City Council could see the future and moved to get things under control before bad things started to happen.

And Howard had hit a couple of people on the sidewalk and run into a trash can or two late at night.

Council states facts.

Roma takes it as a personal afford on the disabled.

"Anything else Mrs. Roma?" the Mayor asks.

"Yeah," Roma yells. "If you don't do the right thing then ... Kiss this!"

And she moons them.

Sitting on a table in the back, I place my hand over my mouth and am speechless.

Everyone else in the room is speechless too.

Storming out, Roma glares at me nodding her head to follow.

"You want to get a beer?" she asks once we're outside.

""Yeah, sure," I shrug.

In those days you could still walk across the street from City Hall to get your beer from Spanky's or the DeSoto which is where the members of Council got there's before the meeting.

"How'd I do?" she asks taking a long drawl from the Miller Lite.

"Well, nobody could argue with the end," I answer.

"Yep," she infectiously grins as only she can.

"Lemmie ask you this," I ask as we open the third can. "Why was I here tonight?"

"Gwafff," as only Roma can laugh. "If things got out of hand you could have done something."

"What?" I stammer.

"You'd have handled it," she laughs as only she can. "You're the Rev."

"Roma," I explain, grabbing her wrinkly face in my hands, "you just mooned the entire City Council. There is nothing I could do to follow that."

"Prayed," she laughs.

"Or pay bail," I sigh.

That's Tybee as it used to be ... Roma was Queen ... Cops let you go ... Howard was the only one with a Golf Cart ... nobody cared if you dove off the end of the Pier ... the Beach Bum Parade was a fun water fight ... you could arrange the letters on the sign in front of City Hall to say "Fireworks at 9! Elvis at 10!" on July 4th and Police Chief McCutchen, drinking beer across the street watching O'Neil do it, would just laugh ... tap John on the shoulder and ask, "What are you doing?"

Lots has changed.

Roma's question hasn't.

"What kind of damn minister are you?"

Honestly, I'm still struggling to answer the question.

Years ago, I wrote a book ... Our From Under the Rock which was about me being a minister without a Church.

It's my favorite title.

"Upon this Rock I will build my Church, "Jesus told Peter.

That rock has crushed a lot of people and I, for one, was really glad to get out from under it.

The book tells the story of my crazy and aimless wandering ... a sojourn if you will ... from birth in the Southern Baptist Convention to a rock-and-roll band, teen-age pregnancy, marriage, Seminary, divorce, a stellar career, another marriage ... and leaving the Church.

Which is not the same as leaving God.

It's not that I ever stopped believing in holy and righteous things ... that people are more good than bad ... all you need is love ... love is all you need ... music heals ... forgiveness is better than getting even ... anger hurts you far more than whoever it's directed towards ... we're more than we believe we are ... music is the language of the Angels ... death's merely the next beginning.

I need to write a sequel ... Out From Under Another Rock because lots more has happened since.

The stellar career crashed against a brick wall, I got divorced again ... lost myself completely in despair ... "made enough money to buy Miami but pissed it all away" ... got found by love ... married her ... had a baby named for a revolutionary because God had lots to go with overthrowing everything about the way I thought things should be.

Here's the funny thing about it all.

Try as I may, and God Dammit I tried, I could never stop being the Rev.

It's like God had a plan.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, "God says. "Before you were born I set you apart, I made you a Prophet to the nations" (Jeremiah 1:5).

I don't know about that prophet to the nations part but ... well there's no question I'm different ... molded in a way that my Jello of a life jiggles in another way than yours ... and every single one of us wonders about God ... especially if we don't believe.

Drinking beers outside of Fannie's on the sidewalk, I'd beaten her at pool and she was not happy.

"If you ever beat me, you can have my pool stick" she boasts knowing she can win any time she wants.

I hit an incredible, behind the back, bank off the side into the corner pocket shot.

"No flotching way," Roma says using the word she used to replace cussing, and she hands me her pool stick.

Not her favorite!

Another one.

This one.

Anyway, we're sitting on the sidewalk in front of Fannie's drinking beers after everyone else leaves, watching the "Tourons" ... combine the words "Tourist" with" Moron" equals "Touron" ... a word Roma invents to describe anyone she doesn't like ... and she says, "I have another present for you."

Reaching behind the throne Jenny Orr's made for her, Roma hands me a framed photograph of herself, as a teacher in Homerville, Georgia ... she is beautiful.

Long, flowing brown hair cascades on bare shoulders dripping into a white dress.

"Is this you?" I ask in disbelief.

"Shut up," she says before saying "flotching" in lots of various ways.

"Why?" I finally ask listening to the Ocean sloppily kiss the shore.

"I love you Rev."

Bursting into tears, I say, "I love you too Roma."

And if God is love, like the Bible says, then sure as Hell, the emptiness between us is full of it ... and we hug ... and in those days after Henrietta had died ... and I was divorced and alone ... we both went home ... me with her framed photograph ... knowing there's enough love in the world to find God anytime you need.

Roma and I gave it to each other that night.

"You know what you are Rev?" she asks toasting me.

"Yeah, the one who just beat you in Pool ... bad ... and won this stick ... that no one saw ... damn you!"

Giggling as only she could, Roma continues, "You're a damn good minister."

A long pregnant pause of silence follows as we lock eyes and finished our beers.

"You're not telling anyone are you?" I ask.

"About what?" she laughs, and we hug each other tightly before we both go our own way.

Scared to Laugh

I want to like Saturday Night Live.

I really do.

It's just not funny anymore.

Back in the day, it was friggen hilarious!

"Jane, you ignorant slut!"

The Bass-o-matic!

Mr. Robertson's Neighborhood!

Joe Pescipo Sports.

"You look marvelous!"

Today I watch in high hopes because everything looks right ... Alex Baldwin as POTUS ... every character Kate McKinnon, Kennon Thompson and Cecily Strong play ... the really unfunny new guys on Weekend Update.

I want to like them so bad ... and they all look perfect ... but it's just not funny.

Occasionally they give me a chortle.

Not a giggle, a spewing of drink, a belly laugh or uncontrollable fits of celebration ... but they sometimes, though not very often, make me chortle.

I know, I know ... everyone's going to say I'm old, romanticizing the humor of the past so the first cast was the best or ... Johnny Carson's better than any late night anything on now ... and Bugs Bunny is a hell of a lot funnier than any cartoon our two year old Che watches.

Why are today's cartoons politically correct?

Anything Stephen Wright, Rodney Dangerfield or Richard Pryor ever did was funnier than all the comics today combined.

Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Frank Sinatra and whoever else they chose to make up "The Rat Pack" were great!

Hell, Laugh-In and Hee-Haw are still funnier than anything Saturday Night Live puts on these days.

It makes sad.

We've lost our ability to poke fun at others and ourselves.

It's dangerous to laugh anymore!

You can get blackballed, fired, arrested or killed in today's politically correct world.

Every day, I get up and try to find things that make me laugh.

It's not what the world wants but it's what I need.

Today, I find humor in my past (how in the Hell did that happen?) ... in most every Che does ... the perplexities of living with 3 teenage girls ... being the Minister of a Church in a Bar ... at the lunacy of politics, religion and societal expectations.

The sad reality though is how few there are left in the world to make fun of how we live anymore and there's even fewer to laugh with anymore.

Because it seems as though everybody's scared to laugh anymore.

Staying Alive

The other night, sitting in the floor tenderly rubbing Sarah's feet we're watching our shows on Netflix, Prime and the Roku Channel.

While the world has gone to Hell in most ways, I gotta say I love the nighttime viewing options these days.

Growing up Dad would say, "Mike! Change the channel!"

That meant scooting my butt across the floor because he and Mom took up the sofa, so my brother and I sat on a rug in front of them to watch television.

I'd turn the knob from Channel 11 ... CBS ... to Channel 3 ... NBC ... and things were fine so long as something was on Dad wanted to watch.

"Turn it to the other one," he'd order if there wasn't, so I'd turn the knob to Channel 22 ... the new channel ABC ... which means I have to stand up and move the rabbit ear antennas around until the picture comes in straight.

To this day I don't care for ABC.

"Turn it back!" he'd bark as soon as he could see what was on.

Damn I hated that!

Now Sarah and I watch whatever we want from a satellite in space in real time and, though out of habit I still sit in the floor, I don't have to move to change the channel.

"You're using too much lotion on my feet," my wife scolds.

I have no idea what she's talking about.

She sticks her feet in my face, I squirt gobs of lotion in my hands and tenderly caress her feet.

How can I use too much?

I love her more than anything!

She deserves shit loads of lotion between her toes ... on her heals ... in the arch where she like it rough.

"You only need a dollop," she explains.

"That's what I used," I answer, rubbing the excess on my legs.

"Look at this," my wife coos, as I wipe more lotion into the carpet so I can change the channel.

Handing me her phone, she shows me one of those Face Book games, "What Song Is Your Life?"

Her's is "Imagine" by John Lennon.

"Sarah, it's easy to become jaded in the world we live in, but you've always had an incredible way of reminding people that in your life there is still beauty to be had."

"Damn, that's good baby!" I say, continuing to rub her feet with the excess lotion in my hands.

"You do it," she says.

"Naw, I don't do that stuff," I protest.

"Do it," she commands so I hit play and in the seconds it takes Face Book to examine my life, I'm thinking it's going to be Jimmy Buffett's "A Pirate Looks at Forty" or Bruce Cockburn's "Wondering where the Lions Are" ... when my phone beeps and we look to see.

Sarah busts out laughing.

"Well you can tell by the way I walk I'm a woman's man ... no time to talk."

"What the Hell?" I ask in disbelief.

But, yep, the song that best represents who I am as a person is "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees.

"Micheal, you are a survivor," Face Book sums me up, "a dreamer who chases his desires often confronting harsh barriers and challenges but endures to continue the chase."

Or as the Brothers Gibb put it, "Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around since I was born!"

Well, yeah ... I have to admit.

Dammit! How can Face Book know so much about who I really am?

THE FRIGGING BEE GEES?

But that's the thing though isn't it?

Who we believe we are normally isn't the truth of the matter.

We think we're much more than we really are ... or we're far less than God made us to become.

Sometimes others see us as we really are but, honestly most are too busy trying to portray themselves as they think they are.

"Do you not know that you are God's Temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's Temple, God will destroy him. For God's Temple is Holy and you are that Temple" (I Corinthians 3:16-17).

I mean I know I am God's Temple ... I mean I believe I am God's Temple ... and that makes me pretty damn good!

Go ahead, take a few moments and see for yourselves.

As James Brown used to sing, "I LOOK GOOD! YOU KNOW THE WAY THAT I SHOULD NOW!"

What?

That's not the words?

Okay, I feel good too! I get it.

I mean I should feel so good because I eat what I want ... drink what I want ... love who I love ... and only hang out with people who are cool, have it all together and have God's stamp of approval on their foreheads.

Like you.

Except ... I know that's a lie.

I mostly hang around people who are just like me.

If anyone destroys God's Temple ... meaning you and me ... then God will destroy him or her ... because you and I are Holy ... and, well, let me be completely honest here ... I think the only one's capable of destroying God's Temple is the one taking care of it ... you ... and me.

I have to say, it's a lot more interesting ... and fun ... watching you destroy your Temple than it is knowing you're watching me destroy mine.

But that's the truth of the matter.

We destroy what God's given us.

Not anyone else.

We do it to ourselves.

We merely blame others.

Here's the thing though ... something the Bee Gees have now taught me ... "But now, it's alright ... it's okay ... you may look the other way."

The other way is to stop destroying the Temple God gave us and start rebuilding it.

Rebuilding the Temple is a rich Biblical theme because we're so gloriously great at  destroying God's gifts so acknowledging we're the ones screwing ourselves is the first step in rebuilding.

So as jaded as my beautiful wife Sarah is, she has an incredible gift of reminding people there's still beauty to be had in their lives as she reminds herself there's beauty to be had in hers.

And me ... well, I'm still here defying the odds because I shouldn't be here at all ... dreaming bout things ... confronting harsh realities ... enduring so I can still dream.

 And you ... well, whatever it is that you're using to destroy the Temple God's given you is the very same array of gifts to rebuild the promise that YOU ARE!

Let's be honest.

We've all wrecked our Temples.

But we still got em.

We can clean them up and make the best of them we're capable of making because ... God's given us everything we need to make our lives beautiful.

What we do is up to us.

Destroy what God's given us or ... stay alive ... make the best out of what you got ... look away from the destruction ... try to understand ... understand you got the wings of Heaven on your shoes ... dance ... like King David danced.

What I hope and pray ... for myself and for you too ... is your're staying alive ... staying alive.

For your sake.

And for God's too!

Eating, Drinking and being Happy

Working late, catching up on lots of things time runs out, I leave unfinished so I can be on time. I don't want to leave but I'm the minister in charge of the evening service downstairs.

I hate Wednesday night Bible study but the five little old ladies who are the "congregation" of the inner city church love it!

I understand their love.

Two live in a senior citizen high rise, one in a run down shotgun house, while the other two share a small home in a slightly better neighborhood. The midweek service breaks them away from the loneliness they call home to be together again at the Church they refuse to let die.

As Pastor, I'm a full time student at the Seminary, part-time as their minister and live in the Church.

The building is a monstrosity, three floors of Sunday School rooms, a social Hall, kitchen, three apartments and a Sanctuary with a baptismal pool that seats 200 but on Wednesday nights perhaps ten gather in a nicely furnished space with sofas and coffee tables.

Making my way from the second floor down to the bottom floor, I hear noises stopping me dead in my tracks.

Located across the street from the projects, surrounded by homeless people sleeping outside, the porno district is only three blocks away and prostitutes are on every corner, the church has bars on the windows to keep people out!

Kids from the projects are forever breaking in because it beats the City park where the basketball rims are missing, the swings have been stolen and gangs gather to fight.

The stairwell is open so I stick my head underneath to find Bruce ... a homeless alcoholic who is my favorite!

From North Carolina, he once worked for Jimmy Swaggart driving a truck, loves country music and tells the story of how third wife tried to kill him with a butcher knife, concluding with, "God, sometimes I sure miss that woman!"

The longest I've ever seen him sober is 72 days.

Quite proud of this accomplishment, he opts to celebrate and has been drunk since.

Under the stairs he sits cross legged cradling a bottle of wine, weeping as he sings, "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling me home."

When he sings the word "home" he sounds like a wounded wolf far off in the woods ... "Hoooooom."

"Hey Bruce," I say, crawling under the staircase with him. "What you doing?"

He jumps and glazed red eyes look me over before he snickers, "Jesus Christ Rev! You scared the living Hell out of me."

"Apparently not," I laugh.

Bruce starts to cry.

"It's all so fucked up Rev."

"Yeah ..." I agree. "It is."

We're silent for a while before I put my arm around him to say, "Hey listen, Church starts in a minute. The ladies would love to see you. Why don't you come on?"

"Awww," he cries harder, "I can't let them see me like this."

We're silent again.

"Well, we're having Communion tonight," I lie, "but we're out of wine. Can we use yours?

"What?" he asks, clutching the bottle.

"It's for the ladies" I explain.

"Aw, I love the ladies," he sniffles. "Yeah, Hell ... they can have it," and he hands it over.

"Thanks Bruce," I say getting up. "You sure you don't want to come?"

"Naw, I'm just gonna go to sleep," he answers laying down on the floor.

"Alright, I'll check on you later."

Strolling into the Wednesday evening service with the half empty bottle, the ladies are distraught ... "We didn't know it was Communion!"

Now I come from a fine family of drinkers, am one myself and it was simply part of life growing up.

Growing up, if you were pulled over for underage drinking the cops, who knew you and you knew them, would tell you to get your butt home before anything bad happened.

At the same time, I grew up in a Baptist Church that preached if you drank alcohol, you'd go straight to Hell, especially if girls were involved.

There was a creative tension where I grew up.

Drinking was fine as long as you didn't do anything stupid.

In time, I learned what the disease can do to people, spent years helping people enter recovery or opting not to, witnessing incredibly ruthlessness and unfathomable kindness, miraculous resurrections and bittersweet tragedy.

Just last week my friend Jimmie Chambers died.

Some of you may remember Jimmie as he lived on Tybee for a while, often looking like a passed out, white whale washed up under the Pier.

A true miracle of a man, Jimmie outlived himself for decades.

The stories he leaves are many.

An EMS worker tells me he has a delivery so I follow him to the ambulance, the door opens and Jimmie waves from the stretcher.

"Medically, he's dead," I'm told.

"He doesn't look dead," I answer shaking my head.

"Well, he should be," he explains unbuckling Jimmie.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Releasing him to you," he tells me.

"I don't want him" I say.

"We don't either," he responds releasing the patient.

Jimmie stands on wobbly knees, reeking of God knows what, puts his arm around me, burps and asks, "Hey Rev. You got a Bible I can borrow? I could use one about right now."

As the ambulance peels out, Jimmie follows me inside.

Last year, I'm pushing our baby Che in her stroller across the Pier making our way to the bait shop to hang out with Tennessee and Evelyn and watch the sun rise.

"Rev," I hear. "Slow down!"

It's Jimmie, sitting at a picnic table drinking a beer.

"No," I answer, pushing Che faster.

"Fine," he grins, "I'll walk with y'all," and he catches up but, out of breath, puts a hand on my shoulder and pulls me to a bench.

"Did you ever find my Bible?" I ask.

"Naw," he laughs. "You should have never lent me your personal Bible. Why'd you do that?"

I shake my head and give Che her bottle.

"Anyway, I just want to say thanks," he says seriously. "You've saved me a thousand times ... wait a minute! ... is that a baby?"

Jimmie was a master carpenter but, like a lot of  not very observant person, unless he needs a drink then he knew where and how to find one.

"Meet my daughter Che," I say.

Jimmie burps in disbelief.

Che giggles.

I could go on. I've been blessed with lots of people in my life who drank too much and some, though by no means all, died too young.

In that respect, I'm also blessed with those who didn't drink at all, or barely at all, who died too early or are still around.

Medically, there may be rhyme or reason to it, but not theologically, which is the point of Ecclesiastes in the Bible.

You can't figure out good and bad in life, Koholeth (the Preacher) argues. Stupid people are rich and the wisest live in poverty ... mean men live forever it seems while good women die young ... and no matter what you do, everybody dies.

So, "as you make your way in life, eat your food with joy, and drink wine with a good heart, for God accepts who you are" (Ecclesiastes 9:7).

That's the Good News of the Gospel!

Your life may be good or it may be so damn bad you can't help but cry, but either way you're going to die but that's not the point!

It's just the reality of living ... it comes to an end.

So, God says, eat ... drink ... and be merry ... or have fun in your life!

Enjoy it as best you can because it's a gift from God ... you life ... and there's going to be good and bad in it ... but do your very best to enjoy everything as best you can!

Don't get too smug when things are going great ... and don't beat yourself up when things are terrible ... it's life ... and it's the most incredible gift from God ... so the key is to enjoy it the very best you can!

Don't go too crazy enjoying things, the Bible goes on to say ... remember to be nice to others while you're being nice to yourself ... and God so loves you he gave his only son that if you remember you won't die while you're living but have this crazy, wonderful life that's celebrated.

So ... I'd like to take a moment to raise a toast.

Here's to you Bruce ... thank you for the wine that night ... the ladies loved it after I told them what had happened ... and I never did see you sober again after those 72 days ... but I heard you were happy walking across the bridge that night you fell into the Ohio River and ... I don't know but I believe ... you're in Heaven working part time as the wine steward every time they have the Lord's Supper.

Here's to you Jimmie Chambers ... thank you for letting me be one of the many witnesses who watched you raise himself from the dead ... again and again AND AGAIN ... if cats do indeed have nine lives you put every one to shame and leave them envious as Hell and, again ... I don't know but I believe ... you're in Heaven fixing things that break when you're sober and singing off key with choirs of Angels when you're not.

And here's to each of you today ... thank you for taking some time to worship with me ... in a way that works for us though it may not for others ... I know lots of your stories, the good and the bad that's happened ... and you know mine too ... and here we are making a congregation in a bar ... and, I don't know but I believe ... we're the kind of church you meant when it began all those years ago and because of it, Heaven comes on earth for a little bit at least on Sunday mornings here.

Finally, here's to you God ... thank you for this gift of life! ... These gifts of life! ... thank you for coming down from Heaven to hang out in the back room during Church and in our hearts during the week ... and, I don't know but I believe ... you're just getting us ready for the next gift after we're done celebrating this one.

The end of it all is this last raising of the glass and to say, in the words of our dear Saint Gordo, SALUTE!

Amen!

Exorcism and me

I know all about Exorcism because in 1973 my girlfriend and I went to the Lucas Theater and saw "The Exorcist."

You can say what you want, "The Exorcist" is the scariest damn movie ever made.

Forget about "The Shining", "Halloween", "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre." "The Silence of the Lambs," and even "Jaws" ... they're not as scary.

If you've never seen it, or don't believe in the Devil (who happens to be the star of the movie though he never makes an appearance) ... it's so easy to watch it on your television or phone tonight ... and I'll do my best to stay up and take your call when you can't sleep and need someone to assure you everything's gonna be alright.

This is what Billy Graham said about "The Exorcist."

"There is a power of evil in the film," the world's greatest televangelist said, "in the fabric of the film itself."

Oh man! If you can scare Billy Graham, you can scare anybody!

It's based on the true story of two Jesuit Priests in St. Louis performing an Exorcism on 12 year old Ronald Hunkeler, who's bed shakes as he yells obscenities in a guttural voice unlike his own, with markings on his body spelling words and urinating on the service.

That's scary enough but the movie takes it to a different level with turning heads, green vomit, the sexual use of a Crucifix and ... the deaths of the two Priests ... one beaten by Satan ... and the other ... well ... may have killed a Demon with himself.

Let me tell you, when I held my girlfriend that night ... thoughts of teenage sex were not involved.

I was a religious kids growing up, a crazy combination of Southern Baptist and rock-n-roll, mini-skirts and Church youth camps, sexual revolution and teenage hormones ... Richard Nixon in the Oval office and a poster of Raquel Welch on my bedroom wall.

I was doomed to be easy pickings for Satan.

"The Exorcist" just let me know how serious it all was.

By the time I got to Seminary I had lots of questions about exorcism.

Unfortunately the Professors weren't interested in answering any of them because they're indoctrinating me with anti-sex, anti-gay, anti-dancing, anti-drinking, anti-tobacco, anti-women ... pretty much they're against everything.

I even learned it's a sin to put amaretto in cake!!

It wasn't long before the only thing I cared about excommunicating myself from was them!

So, I hired a woman to be the Associate Pastor at our Church ... got heavily involved in helping people with AIDS ... was quoted in the paper saying "Homosexual the most Christian person I know" ... chewed tobacco ... drank rum-and-coke in Hebrew class (it greatly helps pronunciation) ... kid-napped a woman professor once ... had a lot of sex and ... put amaretto in the cake.

In no time at all they excommunicated themselves from my life.

I didn't have to do anything except ... be myself.

{Okay, I can't tell that true story without telling this one ... a few years later, the Baptists call to ask if I'll attend one of their conventions and give a speech titled, "A Baptist's Response to AIDS."

"What you asking me?" I ask.

"Well," he hemmed, "you are Baptist and ... you have one."

HAHAHA ... nobody every said Baptists aren't funny!}

Through the years though I've learned about excommunication ... and it's nowhere near as bad as I thought.

The other day, Sarah and I are fighting through conversation like all people in love sometimes do ... when we got married she brought baggage and I brought baggage ... and none of our baggage matches ... and sometimes we have to point that out ... and it's one of those times.

She brings up my past and I bring up hers and I say, "You know, there have been some bad people in my life who did bad things to me ... even when I was trying to love them ... especially when I was doing my best to love them."

She stops and gives me the intense concentration only she does through crazy aqua-blue eyes.

"I can name my Demons," I softly continue and name them."

Sarah nods because she knows.

"Whenever they pop into my head," I continue, "I excommunicate them."

They were friends, co-workers and a wife ... and each hurt me horribly.

If you've seen "The Exorcist", read the book or actually been to an excommunication ... it's not easy to do.

The big scene in "The Exorcist" is the ... exorcism.

Oh man, it is scary stuff!

Demons don't easily leave.

Their mark stays on you.

I can show you their scars ... they're all right here ... on my heart.

Of course if you ever talk to my Demons, they'll likely explain that I'm the evil one.

That's what makes excommunication so damn hard.

Sometimes you're not really certain who the Demon is.

You can never really come to terms with the fact that you did everything you knew how to do, in the best ways you knew at the time, to show them how much you loved them.

Demons, though, are not about love.

They're anti-love ... kinda like the Baptists.

So not matter what ... it's your fault.

But, here's how excommunication works.

If you know in your heart you gave it your very best ... loved as much as you were capable at the time ... carried them when they couldn't, or wouldn't, carry you ... kindness was taken advantage of and your love you gave them was rejected.

You have to let them go.

Keeping them and the memories of failure, hurt and rejection eat away at the time, energy and love needed to live fully in the present.

You cast them out of your life.

If it makes you feel better you can do it with a prayer they'll learn to accept love without manipulating it ... a wish of good luck or the hope good karma replaces the bad.

But that's really for you more than it is for them.

You can also say, "God bless their tiny little black hearts" and give 'em right back to Satan himself.

Whichever works.

The important thing is to get bad people out of your life and replace them with good ones.

And you don't have to be nice about it either. Take off your flip-flops and shake their dust from your being ... is how Jesus put it.

It's not as easy as it seems because you never really get over or forget the hurt they inflicted on you ... and they're good at visiting in night time dreams, day light memories or silly reminders.

Sarah seems to understand when I tell her, "I'm excommunicating them," and Lord knows she's the biggest reason my life has, and is, continuing to move on in new and better directions.

A few moments later, I kiss her cheek.

The movie ends with the once Demon possessed girl is leaving for a new place to live when she passes a Priest and is moved to kiss him on the cheek.

She has no memory of the Demon who'd possessed her but something of the two Priests who gave their lives so that she could live again is now part of who she's become.

The final step of exorcism is showing love for who loves you while deliberately walking away from those who don't ... and never looking back.

White heads and Black heads

I remember the night Martin Luther King was shot.

I was 12.

My Dad flies inside the house like a madman, scared out of his wits, talking about rioting in the streets, tossing a pamphlet on the kitchen table, hugging Mom.

He's so loud I can't concentrate on Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C., the television show I, and a majority of Americans are watching.

Dad's a former Marine, loves Gomer like I do, so I can't figure out why he's not watching.

Walking the eight steps from the television to the kitchen table, I pick up the pamphlet and read about the three greatest men who've ever lived ... Jesus in black and white ... Abraham Lincoln in black and white ... and Martin Luther King in color.

I find that funny now but there's nothing to laugh about on Thursday, April 4, 1968.

I recall not having any particular problems the three greatest men who ever lived but, then, I would have placed John Lennon in Abraham Lincoln's slot.

I was, and am, a tremendous fan of the Beatles.

That's all I remember about that night.

Sometime that year though ... I'm at Mercer Middle School for a dance.

Mom and Dad are chaperons.

There's a record player in the Gym and white kids dance on one side of the room while black kids are on the other.

Occasionally we cross the imaginary line and talk to each other.

Sammy Childs and I cross it.

"Hey man," he smiles ... Sammy has his infectious smile ... on a black face with white heads ... and I'm a white kids with black heads ... "you people can't dance."

"Yes I can," I counter.

"Well you can," he says flashing the infectious smile, "but they can't."

I look at what he sees.

"Yeah, they can't," I agree.

Later I'm the one crossing the imaginary line to ask a girl in a purple saffron dress to dance.

We're surrounded by her friends, all black, Sammy smiling, and to this day, I see her black face flash the whitest of smiles, take my hand and we dance, on the other side of the imaginary line.

The following Monday I'm beaten up for dancing with a black girl.

Years later I remember ... sitting in the office Martin Luther King once called his, staring at his stuff ... meeting his wife alone in a hallway of the Ebeneezer Baptist Church ... hanging out with Will D. Campbell who was there the night Dr. King was shot and wrote the preface of my first book ... conquering the racial divide until resentment erupts and the beloved community collapses on top of a dream.

On this day there are parades, sermons, cookouts, white racism, black-on-black murder and white kids from Kentucky wearing "Make America Great Again" baseball caps and Native Americans called racists by Black Hebrew Israelite's.

I've come to believe that Martin Luther King Day in the United States will soon be like Pearl Harbor Day ... except for those who were there ... no one will care.

The Last Page

"WHAT?" I hear her scream.

"No, NO NOOOOO!!!!" she continues from the apartment next door.

I smile.

"Where is it? Where is it?" she asks, rummaging around the chair I know she's sitting in, picking up the books from her desk and then throwing something against the wall.

Sitting on the sofa in my apartment, I hear everything through walls as thin as toilet paper, on the top floor of the Inner City complex we call home.

Shifting my position on couch, I wait and giggle when she pounds on my door.

"Come in," I sweetly call. "It's unlocked."

It's unlocked because there are three apartments on the third floor of the Church building we live in, and there are three heavy steel locked doors to unlock before reaching our paradise.

Kicking the door open, she rushes in huffing and puffing ... red faced with shoulder length red hair, the angry look of a serial killer ... which is hard with the smattering of freckles on her face ... she's barefoot, wearing a blouse as white as an Angel's robe and skin tight blue jeans that'd make Satan proud.

"What have you done with it?" she demands.

"What?" I innocently ask.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" she hisses.

"That's no way for a Seminary student to ..."

"Shut the Hell Up!" she snaps. "Where is it?"

"You can't just storm in here accusing me of something I have no idea about," I calmly offer.

She angrily huffs but finds no words.

In silence I explain, "I'm literally sitting her studying my Sunday School lesson," holding up the monthly pamphlet I've taken from the unused thousands the Baptists send us every month ... except for five ... studied by the five little old ladies who actually attend class.

"Don't give me that shit," she yells knocking the religious indoctrination from my hand.

Standing, I place a hand on her shoulder, saying, "You want to have prayer or something?"

"I was finished!" she stammers, "but the last page of the book I'm reading ... that I have to read ... AND FINISH ... is missing."

"Really?" I ask full of pastoral concern. "I don't know anything about that."

"It was you!" she snaps, sticking a pointed finger in my chest.

"I swear on a Bible," I say with a grin, "I didn't ..."

"I HATE YOU!" she screams leaving and slamming the door behind her.

Tossing the Sunday School book in the trash, I collapse on the sofa laughing.

Of course it was me.

Knowing how important the assignment is to first year Seminarian, it means the Second Coming occurs if she doesn't complete the assignment, I'd sneak into her apartment and ripped the last page out of her book.

Later she tells me it's one of those books where you learn everything on the last page.

Who knew?

A couple of days later, when I can't take the sound of her crying any longer, I stroll inside her apartment, retrieve her Bible, flip through the pages until I find what she's looking for ... where I'd stuck it for safe keeping ... figuring she'd never look for it there ... and hand her the last page.

Tremendous relief flushes her face but she composes herself before hissing, "I will get you back."

Cindy goes on to complete the assignment on time, gets an "A" and moves into another apartment as soon as possible.

Seminary will test you in lots more ways than spiritually.

The last page ...

Over coffee the other morning, I'm scanning the news on my laptop while Che eats a bowl of colored rainbows, hearts, stars and clovers from her Mom's box of "Lucky Charms" and find a story about a man I admire, who's shocked many by suddenly retiring.

He wasn't expecting it.

I like this guy and am surprised by the decision to end his career.

He's younger than me and am surprised at his explanation.

"This isn't how I thought it'd end. I would have another ending but we don't get to write the last page."

My mind races through all the endings I didn't write.

High School threw me out before I was done so I certainly didn't write that ending.

My parents took a cue from my former teachers and followed suit so I went to College where after five years they threw me out too ... along with my wife and son.

That's when God calls me to go to Seminary where it took the far longer for them to write my ending and I got a Masters of Divinity, a Masters of Social Work and a court order to not return.

My marriage ended poorly followed by another that ended worse and when a Judge is the author of the last page it's never a good finale.

I had a killer career until it almost killed me and, though I'd have never written that ending, thank God it's over.

There's more but you get the gist, we're not the authors of the end of much anything.

It's funny really because we're the author of most everything about how we live.

The other day I visited a dying lady and this is what happened.

The sun's setting in her brown eyes as the the green oxygen tank hisses and puffs air through the tube into her nose.

Holding her hand I ask if we can pray.

Light flashes in her eyes from the setting sun as she moves her mouth but no word escapes so, ever so slightly, she nods.

On her behalf, I thank God for the gift of her life, her joys and sorrows, good times and bad, everything that went right and for surviving the things that didn't.

Opening my eyes, the brown setting sun is focused on mine and she nods, cracking a crooked smile as her eyes close.

The green tank hisses pushing air inside her lungs offering the gift of tidying up any unresolved issues as she lets go of this life and embraces God's next gift."

I was the one who said the words of her last prayer uttered as she lay in bed with the Hospice Nurse hovering near and her significant other having a beer in the kitchen with a friend.

I'm pretty sure it's not the way she would have written her end.

I know that's not how I want the last page of my life written.

But here's the thing ... as certainly as life has an end, death marks a new beginning.

None of us know what's next but a lot of us sure as Hell believe there's more.

"For God so loves the world," Sunday School books teach us, 'that if you believe" ... there's more! ... is how I'd translate it.

As the sun was setting in the dying woman's eyes, as I opened mine from saying her prayer, she was laser focused as though I'd said something that didn't need saying or that she couldn't believe I'd said it for her.

Then she closed her eyes and with the hissing help of the green tank she lives on.

Those of you who know me know Frederick Buencher is my favorite author and has written thirty-six books.

I proudly own first editions of each.

Not long ago I was working on something and dug out one the wise old Saint wrote in 1970 and, to my horror, the last page was ripped out and missing.

"WHAT?" I exclaim!

Flipping through it I find an inscription on the inside cover, apparently penned on my 25th birthday.

To Mike

Happy 1/4 of a Century! If the next 25 years enlighten you as much as the past 25 years has, I hope to have the pleasure of meeting you all over again at 50 --- "a grey bearded caring pastor who ... you finish it!"

Love in Christ,

Cindy

"Well, I'll be damned," I laugh holding the book.

The book remains and life goes on way after the next 25 years in Cindy's inscription.

If anything, it's just getting started with Sarah, Che, the girls and the kids and this marvelous collection of crazy people making up Bar Church!

And just as Benny had killed Bar Church a couple of weeks ago, let here we are! ... still worshiping in a Bar ... and one with far more love.

And come to think of it, I really can't tell if the sun was setting, or is rising, in the dying woman's eyes.

Screw 'em! Let's worship!

They tried to kill us you know.

It's the principalities we wrestle against ... the powers that be ... the rulers of darkness in the world ... the spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12).

It wasn't Benny or Rose who tried to shut us down. They were merely making sound business decisions reflecting the culture of the times.

They simply believe more money's made on Sundays if brunch and alcohol are served without Church service when the Bar opens.

You can't fault their logic.

The last thing anybody wants when they're drinking is having religion shoved in their face while they're nursing a cold one.

On Sunday's people look for a good time with others ... a laugh or two ... some good ol' fashion fellowship and, well God knows, you can't have that with Church going on!

And let's be honest ... Church music isn't the kind of sounds joyful gatherings are built around!

Church songs are about "standing in the need of prayer" ... "Jesus softly and tenderly calling us home" ... "Onward Christian Soldiers" ... none of these songs inspire drinking.

They're bad for business because Church doesn't add to the bottom line.

Worship should be confined to stained glass buildings where it belongs, not in bars or where people actually live their lives.

So in a pure business decision, it was decided Bar Church had to go.

Benny's was ready.

Bar Church? ... not so much.

We've just gotten started.

It's fun!

So here we are!

And it brings worship where people are and prefer to be.

Thank you to Jennifer Knox for giving this strange brew of faith a home.

This is how it happened.

After last Sunday's service, we were homeless as the year ended, having packed all our worldly possessions into mine and Davy's cars.

It's the Christmas season and everyone's celebrating and that's a terrible time to look for a place ... though thinking about it ... isn't that what Joseph and Mary were doing at Christmas? ... looking for a place so Jesus would come?

On the day after Christmas, I ride over to Monty's to get the lay of the land. He gives me wise council so I strike out to ... well ... strike out.

The first place I contact to house Bar Church doesn't return my calls.

The second place meets with me but with suspicion. As a matter of fact, I did all the talking. The only words he said were, "I'll get back to you."

I meander to The Sand Bar but the doors are locked and, while Jennifer and I are Facebook friends, I don't have her number so ... I go home.

Driving, I say a prayer ... "Lord, why did you send me to Monty's first? I could already be home by now."

Once home, I message Jennifer and, this is what happened.

I make the very attractive pitch ... "We're a homeless Church. You got any room in the Inn?"

This was the response ...  "Hi! Wow! I'm so glad that you reached out to me! God is very much a part of our life, and we would love to discuss this further."

We set a time and I call Monty to attend the meeting because he made me leave my house for no apparent reason so I figure it's time for pay back.

Monty, Jennifer and Pam are waiting when I stroll in ... giving a clear indication that Bar Church never starts right on time.

Monty's drinking a beer.

That's a good sign.

The four of us collect in front of the bar and I make the pitch again ... "We're a homeless Church at Christmastime. You got any room in the Inn?"

Monty shakes his head, takes a swig, looks at me rolling his eyes, and without using words says, "That's the best you can do?"

Then Jennifer speaks.

She's not feeling well. Her eyes are red and puffy and she's given us the sideways "I'm sick" hug and can't touch you which is often "I don't really want to hug you so I'm pretending I'm sick."

Truth is she is sick and growing more ill.

"I was sitting with a new five year lease spread out in front of my asking God what I should do," she explains, "when your message came."

I lean forward.

Monty puts his beer on the bar.

Jennifer says, "It's like God's saying, 'This is what you should do.'"

Her eyes are moist as she speaks.

Salt water wells in mine.

Monty takes another swig, wipes his mouth with a shirt sleeve and waits for the rest.

So I get all business like and tell Jenn everything Bar Church can does ... they'll be crowd of 20 to 60 each week ... who mostly clean up after themselves ... many of whom will order as soon as the Bar's open ... either because the Bar's open or the preaching sucks ... and there's Live Music ... a Potluck on the Pool table ... and a congregation like you've never seen before."

Monty drains his beer.

Jennifer says, "I think God's answering my question."

A couple of tears make their way down my face and ... I know ... this deal is done.

God has spoken.

And ... here we are in a place every bit as Holy as the stable Joseph found for Mary to give birth ... with Shepherds and Wise guys ... and Angels high enough to sing from up there ... and God smiling down on the gift of his only begotten son.

So that if we just believe ... concludes St. John and as Bob Marley says ... every little thing's gonna be alright.

I'm fond of saying, and believe Eli Wiesel right when he said, "God's greatest gift is the chance to start over."

We are being born again.

I'm sure  powers that be ... the rulers of darkness in the world ... the spiritual wickedness in high places ... aren't happy about!

But you know what?

Screw them!

Let's worship!

Not A Bad Way To Start the New Year

Sipping coffee in the glow of the white lights of the Christmas Tree, the house is quiet and dark as Sarah sleeps in our bed and Che slumbers in her crib.

In the middle of the night, worst fears and bad dreams come to life, so I've wandered in both bedrooms to make certain the loves of my life are breathing.

Maddie, Laurel and Cass are elsewhere on this predawn New Years Day, celebrating the future as only teenagers can.

Sickness has been a constant visitor in our home, touching each member of our family, passing back and forth between the girls and after a month, I suppose it's my turn.

At 2:10 I can no longer sleep because of exploding sinuses and after an hour of positioning myself in every conceivable way, I crawl in the shower for steaming hot water to loosen up my nasal cavities.

"Hello darkness, my old friend," I hum but the lights of the Christmas Tree make it seem Holy somehow and not so bad.

Snippets of the conversation Sarah and I had earlier bounce around my head.

Talking about the changes in our lives that occurred last year, the coming changes as Maddie leaves for College soon, where Che's going to school, the challenges of balancing finances with quality-of-life, we communicate as we rarely can with the hustle and bustle of a full home.

At one point I say, "In spite of everything we don't have, lots of people would kill for what we do have ... mostly a house full of crazy love and non-stop madness."

I got a lot but sometimes I wish for more than I got.

I suppose it's human nature to be selfish.

Sitting here I focus on being thankful.

I'm married to a remarkable woman, a strange brew of toughness, uncompromising standards, laser vision on what she wants, spontaneity and a love for me so deep it defies comprehension.

She keeps me on my toes.

I have no idea what or where or who I would be without her.

Two year old Che is non-stop delight, learning her words ... "Daddy no Mom" she says to Sarah handing her the piece of candy I refuse to open because I'd already opened too many ... and the way she looks back at me, as though to make sure I understand that she understands she has options ... makes us explode in laughter.

When we laugh, Che bends over, puts her tiny hand in front of her mouth and laughs too.

It's pure, unadulterated joy!

Most people live years without having such a moment.

Maddie's away celebrating the New Year with her boyfriend. She's as screwy as any teenager ever born, part brilliant ... part clueless ... but before she leaves, she hugs me with wet hair and says, "I love you" and ... well, lots of people never experience such moments.

Laurel is my kid because she's forever getting herself in trouble like I do and she enjoys every second of it.

Driving her to the sleepover yesterday, she sips Starbucks and asks, "What are you and Mom doing for New Years?"

Taking the turn out of the parking lot, I reply, "Well, tonight I'm tying your Mom to the bed, gonna have my way with her and then she's going to have her way with me."

Focusing on her latte, she asks, "Does Mom know about this?"

"Naw, it's a surprise."

She laughs, spewing whipped cream on the dashboard.

"I love you Mike," she says getting out.

Driving home I ponder all the lonely people.

Cassidy's with her Dad, meaning there's no sink full of dirty dishes, her room's mostly clean, she's not biding her time through supper so she can sneak a gallon of ice cream to her room and spend the night on Instagram.

Her absence exacerbates the silence.

"What are you doing?" Sarah startles me, standing in the soft glow of the Christmas Tree, hair askew from her pillow.

"Go back to sleep. My sinuses exploded."

"It's the alcohol," she mutters crawling back in bed. "It makes it worse."

Pouring another cup of coffee, I suck the steamy aroma up my nose, wonder about our grandson Ethan and the coming granddaughter Chelsea's giving us soon.

I'm grateful my children are healthy, doing well and seem happy.

Returning to my seat, I'm glad it's warm outside.

Yesterday, Sarah and I strung up outside lights for Che so I turn them on and find myself looking forward to the hours I'll spend watching her play under them.

I do have a lot and I know it.

Still, I want more.

Travel ... time with old friends ... making new ones ... seeing and doing things I've never done before ... tying Sarah to a bed and having my way with her.

Then I think, it's God who wanted me to get up when it's dark and quiet, in the soft glow of the Christmas Tree lights, without the hustle and bustle of a house full of moving parts, so I have the time to appreciate everything I've got and to fully consider what else I want.

It's not a bad way to start this New Year.

Cupcake

You never forget your first time.

My first Sunday as the Pastor ... and I use the term loosely ... of Bar Church at Benny's Tybee Tavern, it was Cupcake who let me inside.

Gospel music's blasting from the computer generated Jukebox and she's dancing with a mop in the cleaning up the beer stained Bar. Spying me, she runs over, gives me a hug, orders me to sit down and listen ... to something that's incredibly meaningful to her ... but not so much to me.

When the song was over, she hugs me, crying wetly in my ear, "This is gonna be great!"

That's all I remember about the first time I was the minister-of-the-day.

In the coming weeks, it's the same.

I burst in lugging equipment to set up the stage, Cupcake's mopping, dancing and singing to some Gospel song blasting from everywhere.

A cigarette dangles from her mouth.

"Listen to this," she admonishes, and I do though I'm not a Gospel song sort of minister, and the she hugs me and tells me it's gonna be great.

I'm not so sure how great it was.

The band's me on an acoustic guitar and Davy pounding away on a full drum kit.

A month or so later, Davy's work takes him to Florida for weeks on end and some Sunday's it's just me.

Lona Crask feels sorry for me so grabs her guitar to join me.

John Iacovini follows suit and for the better part of a year, it's the three of us ... four when Davy's on island.

Somewhere in these early days, I'm summoned to meet with the owner of the Benny's to work out the arrangement for Church to be in his Bar.

It's intense, because Benny's all business and he and Sam Adams, the founder of Bar Church had worked everything else, but Sam's gone and I'm sitting there as he lets me know what's what.

But here's what happened.

As Benny tells me he's ready for me to come in, Cupcake leaves her broom at the bar, rushes over asking if she can come too.

Surprised, Benny says it's okay.

Throughout the meeting, Benny's giving it to me ... and I'm intense back ... Cupcake sits beside me, praying with her hands held to her chin ... whimpering and silently talking to God ... and making grunts and sounds.

Occasionally we can hear her call Jesus by name.

Benny's telling me how things are going to be, or I challenge some point and Cupcake, still praying with hands held, makes guttural noises ... "Ummmph!" ... "Ooohhh!"

As we get louder, she uses words ... "Jesus!" ... Lord Almighty!"

She completes one sentence ... "Dear God please don't strike us with lightning."

As Benny and I struggle, it's impossible to not stop whatever it is we're saying  to watch Cupcake.

She's all prayer ... sweating ... crying ... moaning ... with an occasional cuss word thrown in.

We continue to play point/counter point.

Finally, Cupcake explodes.

"JESUS!" she exclaims standing up with tears streaming down her face, "I love you Benny and I love you Micheal and I love Bar Church and this is all going to work out!"

Benny stammers, "I love you too."

I remain silent.

"Can we pray?" Debbie says, standing from her chair to kneel on the floor between Benny and me.

Placing one hand on his knee and the other on mine, she prays.

"Lord Jesus, make this work out. Thank you. Amen."

And she leaves.

Benny looks at me.

I look at Benny.

"Well, there you go," he says.

And it works out.

One year later, Cupcake dies and Bar Church hosts it's first funeral and it was one Hell of an affair!

Sam Adams returns ... Benny throws a party ...  we throw rose pedals in the Ocean off the 17th Street Crosswalk ... while everyone acknowledges, while God may have blessed Bar Church ... it was through Cupcake that he did so ... every bit as solid as the Angel Gabriel telling Mary she's pregnant.

Afterwards musicians came from everywhere and Bar Church began the evolution to what it is today.

Without Cupcake, the strange mixture of Church and Benny's eventually comes to an end.

I still see her there, crying, dancing, singing and smoking while dancing with a mop, cleaning away the stains and sins of the night before so the new day starts clean and fresh.

And now Bar Church is off to a clean and fresh new start, I can hear Cupcake praying on our behalf, "Lord Jesus, make this all work out. Amen."

Thanks Cupcake!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Enjoy your New Beginning!

My Christmas Relic

The oldest relic I have of my past is a Christmas ornament.

It is a piece of cut out wood, painted white, black with a bit of green on a bow tie wreath of Snoopy wearing a Cheshire smile sitting on top of a snow man.

I recall sitting at the kitchen table with my brother David and sister Angie while my Mom emptied a box of woodcuts, brushes and tiny plastic tins of paints.

"Choose one," she instructs.

There are only four but I spy Snoopy and snatch him before they have a chance.

I have no idea how old I was but remember being a huge Charlie Brown fan ... well, not really Charlie Brown ... but a Snoopy fan!

That dog was crazy ... kissing Lucy on the lips then getting sick as she complained she'd kissed a dog ... fighting the Red Baron in the bloody red skies over Germany ... entering his dog house in the Christmas decorating contest and winning!

Snoopy was "Joe Cool" as far as I was concerned and somehow through the decades, through each move, marriage, countless trees, storage boxes and caretakers, he's somehow stayed with me.

The other night Sarah pulls out our downsized boxes of decorations and there's Snoopy welcoming me back to my childhood.

We were not a family that painted, assembled puzzles or played together so I have no idea what possessed my Mom to buy the woodcut ornaments but I'm glad she did.

We were a family that got by somehow ... the lights were never cut off as far as I remember ... we ate every night ... I had a bicycle, baseball glove and Basketball.

Every day after school we played outside until 6:00 when my Dad had supper ready and we ate together, then we were strongly encouraged to go back outside until dark ... when we had to be home.

To this day I absolutely hate it when the Government forces us to spring forward and forsake Daylight Savings Time.

There was a tree every year though I have absolutely no recollection of how it got there, who decorated or what happened to it after Christmas.

On Christmas Day we opened presents then went to my Grandparents house where my Mom's eight brothers and sisters and their children and friends gathered.

"Eat Uncle Larry's turkey," my Dad ordered my brother and me "so we can take our's back home."

Nearly a hundred were gathered so it didn't matter as everything got eaten and there was never anything left.

I can remember a smattering of presents ... a snare drum ... a guitar ... and a bean bag chair ... but whatever else was given out of love or obligation has been long forgotten.

There was one Christmas when some folks visited Mom and Dad when David and I entered the kitchen where they sat wearing our pajamas.

"It's only 4:30," whoever it was exclaimed and you boys are already going to bed?"

Forcing a yawn, I tell him we were tired.

They bellow with laughter but David and I went on to bed and try with everything in us to go to sleep so we could wake up on Christmas.

You every try to go to sleep?

It's impossible!

Church services with cantatas instead of sermons, holiday gatherings at other people's houses and Santa Claus holding court in the middle of the Mall round out my childhood recollections.

Snoopy brings these back to me every year.

I'd be remiss too if I didn't explain Snoopy stayed with me when I became the "Professional Christian" of an inner city Church comprised of 5 little old ladies, homeless people, kids from the project and the radical fringe of three different Seminaries in Louisville, KY.

Each year when Christmas rolled around we gathered around the television in the social hall to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" figuring it got the message of the birth of the Savior across far better than anything I could have said.

We ate Dolly Madison Cakes and if you know why then you watched a Charlie Brown Christmas every year too.

We were a funny little congregation.

On the Sunday after "A Charlie Brown Christmas" was on television we had a special worship service where the "Prelude" was the dance music from the show.

You remember ... Dadada Dadada Dudududum!

The thing is every one who could dance, and 3 of the 5 little old ladies certainly couldn't, had to do a step identical to one of the Peanut characters.

Remember?

There was the kid who danced like a walking Zombie!

The other who turned his head from side-to-side, shrugging his shoulders up and down while kicking both legs out at the same time!

One of the twin girls did the happy dance while her sister shook hips, kept both arms straight and down and looked like she was moving heavy pots.

Schroeder tickles the ivories, Pigpen slaps the bass, Snoopy picks the guitar and, I dunno but figure, Linus and Sally snap a mean blanket sounding like drums.

As fun as the start of Church was, and believe me it was fun ... especially if visitors where there ... the climax of the sermon was one of the project kids dressed as a Linus who's dressed like a Shepherd, explaining what Christmas is all about.

"A little more light please," is how he begins.

Then "And there were in the same country Shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone about them, and they were sore afraid ... and the angel said unto them, 'Fear not; for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people ... for unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord ...'"

And Linus shuffles off the stage dragging his blanket ... or in our case a kid from the Projects steals the blanket we'd lent him for the part.

Then ... I got busy being successful ... getting married ... making money ... traveling ... getting divorced ... writing books ... giving speeches ... getting married ... winning awards ... being on national television ... getting divorced ... winning awards for books I'd written ... hobnobbing with rich and famous people ... forever being in hot demand.

Snoopy faded from my life.

The Lord Baby Jesus did too.

So did a lot of other things.

But, every so often, this miracle occurs.

It could be an Angel singing ... I don't know.

But an ornament I painted beside my brother and sister as my Mom did something she never did comes out of the box Sarah's unpacking and ... Snoopy's raised from the dead and childhood memories of Christmas are too.

Or for some reason, I say "Sweet Jesus" and whatever it is that makes me pause to say it doesn't matter because I realize the Lord Baby Jesus has never left my side ... I left his.

Or, I catch the sun bubbling out of the Ocean against a dark purple, blue, yellow sky and it takes my breath away ...

In the dark, lonely night I'm having a bad dream and while still asleep Sarah rolls over and throws her leg on mine and everything's suddenly better ...

or one of my kids whom I haven't spoken with in months calls out of nowhere and it's good ...

Sam Sahr brings Eggnog for everybody for no apparent reason ...

or I come to Bar Church and all of you are here wanting and finding the same things.

Suddenly it's Christmas!

For no apparent reason, other than God loves us and for whatever reason we're lucid enough to recognize it's God giving us love, we rise above our arrogance, stupidity and anger to realize it's Christmas!

Not just now.

Not just tomorrow.

But every day.

Losing Guardian Angel Status

"You gotta stop all this Bar Church shit."

"What?"

"Seriously! You gotta stop! You are killing me!"

"What in God's name are you talking about?"

"Don't you even think about getting cute with me!" she spits.

"Listen," I reply holding up my hand, "isn't Bar Church precisely what Jesus had in mind when he commanded the Disciples go out and ..."

"Just because you went to Seminary," she angrily interrupts, "doesn't mean you know shit!"

Not knowing what else to say, I say, "True."

Taking a long draw from a tall boy Pabst Blue Ribbon, she chases it with a shot of bourbon with one hand while using the other to cover a pasty white breast with her robe that has fallen off her shoulder.

The pregnant moment of silence that follows is broken by unholiest belch from bowels I've ever heard.

It lasts a good 17 seconds.

"Jesus Christ!" I say, gagging at the smell.

"Don't bring him up," she hisses.

"Okay," I say, holding up my hand. "Why are you here?"

Taking a long draw from her cigarette before pointing the lit end at my chest, she hisses, "You're killing me."

"You're an Angel," I laugh. "I can't kill you."

Another tall boy PBR appears out of nowhere and she drains it, takes two shots of bourbon and completely smokes another cigarette in one angry draw before sighing.

"You know," she thoughtfully explains, "when I became your Guardian Angel, Peter told me it would be tough. He said you'd be a challenge. He even felt sorry for me sometimes and when you almost broke me ... he graciously gave me Jimmy Cochran so I'd feel better about being a Guardian Angel ... but ... you! ... you never stop!"

"What did I do?"

"What haven't you done?"

"What does that mean?"

A joint magically appears out of nowhere and rolling it, she says, "Everything was fine cause Sarah and the girls occupy all your time ... we even give you Che ... how much love does someone need in his life? ... but you can't stand it! ... just when I'm about to receive accommodations for being the first Angel to survive YOU ... you decide to become minister of Bar Church!"

"I didn't want to do it," I say.

"SHUT UP!" my Guardian Angel snaps, downing another tall boy.

We both take a moment.

She downs three more shots and two more joints.

I kiss Sarah who's reading a book on the sofa and check on Che who's asleep in her crib.

Maddie, Laurel and Cass all clamor to ask me something, but over their shoulders I spy my Guardian Angel taping her wrist watch while looking at me, as if to say, "I could fucking kill you right now!"

"What?" I ask after giving each daughter wise council before sitting beside her on the front porch.

"Bar Church is getting too big," she snaps.

"What?"

"You've far exceeded the 'when two or three gather in his name' quota. It's making me look as if I'm no longer needed."

"Really?"

She wipes her eyes before taking the next toke.

"Okay," I say hugging her ... she smells really bad ... "I'll stop giving it so much attention."

"I appreciate it," she cries in my chest, staining my shirt with a brown, leafy substance.

"Great!" I say, "now I have to hide this in the laundry with Che's stuff so Sarah doesn't find it."

"I don't want to loose Guardian Angel status," she smiles. "The perks are to die for."

"That's funny," I laugh.

"Shut up," she snaps.

Tybee Christmas

I don't know who stuck the dead Christmas tree in the sand between the 14th Street crosswalk and the Ocean but it remained up for days as the tides rolled in an out.

Brown with only a few needles it was naked and bare, resembling a wooden tomb on the Beach with Seagulls standing information against the wind.

The day after it was planted, someone took empty Pabst Blue Ribbon cans, stuck them on the end of a couple of branches and ... something happened.

The following morning the tree was adored with gold garland.

Blue, red and green ornaments mysteriously.

A large white star fell from Heaven landing on the brown dead top stem.

Silver tinsel blew in from somewhere and the suddenly regally clothed branches caught each strand and wore them proudly.

By Christmas Eve it was impossible to tell the tree was dead as it sparkled in the bright sunshine and danced in the Ocean breezes and colorful wrapped boxes spread under it's branches in the sand.

On Christmas morning a solitary figure wearing a kilt played "Amazing Grace" to the tree as others left their homes, vacation rentals, cottages and hotel rooms to watch.

It was the most wonderful island way to remind ourselves of peace on earth and goodwill to men and women.

And no one know who did what to make the miracle happen.

Who lost their mind, taking a dead Christmas Tree to the Beach and planting it in the sand?

Who took their empties and used them to inspire real decorations?

How many contributed to bringing the tree back to life with decorations?

What was in the boxes and why place them there?

Why Bagpipes and how were they heard through the wind to beckon a collection of strangers from far and near to gather on the Beach as in worship?

Christmas on Tybee is quiet, quirky and generous.

The City kicks it off with Chamber of Commerce decorations and a street party, parade, institutional decorations and a real tree bolted to the concrete at the end of Tybrissa Street so the wind doesn't blow it away or it's not stolen. The only thing not decorated are the Stop Signs.

The Island Churches take it from there with formal services, choir cantatas, caroling and a reminder that it's all supposed to be about the birth of a child.

The Bars take over planning celebrations, parties and feasts that culminate on Christmas morning when special Potluck dinners are sponsored for everyone who has nowhere or no one. All the things the Churches talk about take flesh and the body of Christ shows up in multiple places at the same time.

Year round residents remaining on Tybee end the day in clusters of afterglow in the Churches, Bars, hotel rooms, on the Pier or the Beach.

Christmas on Tybee is a crazy tapestry of planned, unplanned, family, singles, religious and not-so-much under a blazing canopy of stars with channel markers underneath floating on the Sea, roaring waves sloppily kissing the shore, Seagulls standing sentry on the Beach all mixed together in a magic gumbo of acceptance in a world increasingly intolerant of most everything.

If you've been on Tybee long enough you may remember that virtually all of the sand dunes between 14th and 6th Streets are built upon discarded Christmas trees.

In days of old, twenty years ago, everyone on Tybee threw their discarded Christmas Trees on the Beach to catch the sand and make dunes. It worked magnificently well and without any Government assistance, the Dunes are now four deep in some places where there once were none.

And every few years, one of them magically appears between the Beach and the 14th Street crosswalk to remind us what Christmas really is on this island.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus

"Do not be afraid ... that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit ..." (Matthew 1:20).

Joseph's having a dream where an Angel's telling him to get married in spite of his doubts.

I've had those kind of dreams before, woke up and figured God wanted me to marry the girl ... so I did ... but it didn't work out.

Three children later ... one boy and two girls ... the marriage ended because the same Angel shows up to tell me about this other girl.

It's the same dream again ... the Angel tells me to marry the girl ... and even though, freshly divorced,  I had doubts ... I did ... and it didn't work out.

She left me to follow a star in the west ... meaning inland ... away from the Ocean ... where mountain people live ... and city dwellers.

I stopped listening to Angels after that.

Like me that first time though, Joseph listened to the Angel and married the girl.

His wife claimed the baby had to be his because she hadn't slept with anyone else.

He had his doubts.

What they both seemed to agree on is the baby came from God.

I know exactly how they felt.

While Sarah clearly claimed the baby's mine, I was in no less shock than Joseph learning I'm gonna be a Dad ... at 60 years of age.

Nevertheless, Joe has a son and I had a baby girl.

Let me tell you something right now!

The most significant part of the Christmas story, for me anyways ... for Joseph too ... and I suspect for a great many others ... are these words:

"That which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit ..."

There is no doubt that every baby born in some form or fashion is conceived by the Holy Spirit.

I sure know our little girl was.

So was Robby and Becky's grandson William.

Our friend Tommy Holland's daughter "Katie"  came out of nowhere too and ... Jesus what a blessing she turned out to be."

"For unto us a child is born," Linus explains to Charlie Brown and everyone who's ever watched knows what's coming next ... from out of nowhere ... in a nowhere land ... in a nowhere place ... salvation is born.

It's funny what we do when confronted with salvation.

Whenever Sarah and I take our two year old out to a restaurant for dinner, it's always fascinating.

You can immediately tell the baby haters from the baby lovers.

The baby haters froth at the mouth should a baby cry in public, as they eat and pay good money to do so, especially if there's ambiance ... because the innocent child is ruining everything.

The poor parents feel awful, ruining everyone else's meal, and take their child out of the room so everyone else can "enjoy" theirs.

Hey ... I've always thought it funny that Church's have special rooms for when a baby cries.

In those Churches where you don't have to check your baby in first ... to the Nursery ... there are these "Preacher first/Baby proof sound rooms" ... and if your baby cries in the middle of a service ... Mom ... maybe Dad but most likely Mom's ... asked to take the infant to a sound proof room with a speaker to hear the sermon and a one way mirror to watch the Preacher.

I always wondered what it would be like if the Lord Baby Jesus listened to one of these pitiful excuses for the word of God and burst out crying ... was taken to the "Preacher first/Baby proof sound room" ... and excluded from the service worshiping ... the Lord Baby Jesus!!

I think that's what happens in most Churches ... and most restaurants ... when it comes to babies ... and Jesus too.

That's why I love the Baby Lord Jesus.

Did you ever see the movie "Talladega Nights"?

Ricky Bobby prays to the "Lord Baby Jesus."

Interrupting the prayer, his wife says, "Hey, you know sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit off and a bit off-putting to pray to a baby".

"Well," Ricky Bobby replies, "I like Christmas Jesus best and I'm saying Grace. When you say grace you can say it to grownup Jesus or teenage Jesus or bearded Jesus or whoever you want.

Ricky Bobby's wife tells him to "do the grace good so that God will let us win ..."

I gotta say I'm with Ricky Bobby on this one.

I like Baby Jesus best.

Grown up Jesus is so messy, demanding and says impossible things for us to live up to.

As far as we know, Baby Jesus never said a word.

It's hard to not love Baby Jesus most.

And, it's hard not to love babies most too.

Unless you're not a Baby lover ... preferring quiet dinners ... uninterrupted living ... never receiving unconditional love with tons of demands and intangible returns on your monetary investments ... but unconditional love nonetheless.

I was almost to the point where I was like Ricky Bobby's wife who continued her interruption of his prayer by saying, "You know what? I want you to say a good Grace so that God will let us win tomorrow."

But God interrupted my universe and gave us Che.

May as well be Baby Jesus as far as I'm concerned.

Saved my ass anyway.

Why did God send his only begotten son so that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have life everlasting?

To honestly answer the question, you have to start with the Baby ... who never says a word ... while giving unlimited unconditional love ... without ever saying a word ... letting you know the answer is completely on you.

A Very Fine Time

Making our way from the fire pit in the back yard into our living room, the guitars came out and we made music.

Che, our two year old, immediately grabbed her purple instrument taking a seat beside Eric on the sofa.

Our home was full of food and friends.

Laughter and conversation float in the night.

The music begins.

People meander in and out to listen.

Requests are made for favorite songs.

The tipsy talk loudly with fast paced words.

Our girls disappear with their boyfriends.

Che wraps herself in her blanket and drains a bottle listening to the songs.

It's a fine way to start the Thanksgiving celebration.

Of course it was Sarah's idea to make this rental house ours and after the paint, we built a fire pit in the backyard for occasions like this.

A very diverse and eclectic gathering have one thing in common ... each is someone we enjoy. Without us, it's doubtful they would have ever met and I find myself humbled and appreciative it's a night of joy.

Drinks are downed, food is consumed in small clusters of conversation, the fire glows yellow and orange in the darkness and the music blesses everyone.

For the first time in a long time, Sarah and I and the girls are traveling away to celebrate ourselves, our survival, our blessings, the excitement of new beginnings as Maddie soon leaves for College and we enjoy the change that is life.

There is no better way to express thankfulness than to make it with those who bring you joy ... eating, drinking, laughing and making music.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Enjoy everything about it!

Even the tipsy ones who talk about the craziest things ... give thanks for them too ... because everyone needs a little more craziness in this life.