The Valley of Death

Sitting high on top of a mountain, the restaurant had walls of glass that allowed us to gaze down on Pittsburgh at night. It was beautiful and I found myself having trouble following the conversation because I just wanted to look down on the city of Steel. It made me want to have people I love with me to share the experience. It was that serene.

I’ve been here a lot over the past decade so the city is filled with memories. The first time was to visit Dr. Jim Withers and do “Night Rounds”. So Cathy Dunham and I followed Jim and his partner Mike around the city, into the parks, and under the bridges looking for homeless people who slept outside and were in need of health care. Jim and I quickly became good friends.

The next trip was a collection of about 20 of us who were trying to redefine health care for the poor. If you’ve never seen 20 people fall in love with one another at one time well … it is something. Back home we were all wolfs crying in the wilderness but in Pittsburgh over a three day period we found one another. The result was the birth of the International Street Medicine Institute.

After that I was at Operation Safety Net, Jim and Linda Sheet’s non-profit that woos those homeless folks from under the bridges and out of the parks into their own homes. Health care and mental health treatment are added. I remember that we added days to that visit and just spent time playing in the city.

Two years ago I was here and extremely glad to be. Back home one of my programs had blown up in my face and I was quite frustrated. I remember standing in the airport watching it snow, watching snow plows blow snow, wondering if I could ever be able to take off. My cell phone buzzed and it was my Board Chair who spent half an hour reading me the press in the Savannah Morning News over the blow up and describing the political cartoon which was a drawing of me. A season of depression was born.

Last year I was snowed in for four days. Aside from an evening with my friends Suzanne and Jim, where I first experienced a hot tub in the snow, it was a very depressing trip. I was suddenly single which had not been a part of the plan. There was little to do except drink, stare out of the window watching snow fall, and grow more depressed. That was the lowest point of my life.

When I arrived yesterday everyone who works here knew my name. They remember me from having stayed so long with nothing to do. Last year they all felt sorry for me because I looked pretty miserable. This year they smiled, welcomed me back and told me how good I look. They launched into stories of how rotten a snow that had been.

I am now sitting where I spent most of my time last year. At a Coffee Shop with glass windows looking at naked trees and fallen leaves. They were blanked in white last year and the drift was six feet high. Jim and Dave Buck and I sat here and laughed a lot last night as we drafted one another’s profiles for “Match Maker.com”.

Life is supposed to be a series of peaks and valleys, people say. Incredible highs and woeful lows! Soaring spirits and shattered hearts. Breaking free or staying stuck. Finding our way back again or staying lost. Giving up or re-claiming what you deserve. Accepting what is or molding what will be.

Staring out of this window where the cold snow used to be, I can see that I’ve walked through the shadow of the valley of Death and somehow made it through.