Bathroom Reading

So ... I wandered down the hall of the house that I was in ... the living room was full of activity ... Dee caressed a keyboard looking life a star-crossed lover trying to decide between ebony and ivory ... Sam was spreading oil on one of the loves of my life ... and Davy was watching car porn on the computer.

It was a typical Tybee night.

Anyway, I had to pee and found the bathroom. So I'd never been to this particular bathroom before so I did what everybody does when they go inside someone else's bathroom ... I checked it out.

It was pretty nice by bathroom standards. It was clean enough. The cap was on the toothpaste. The TP rolled over instead of under. The ring around the bathtub wasn't too bad. The mirror needed cleaning but I could still SEE myself standing there ... then in the mirror that needed cleaning ... behind me ... was ... ONE OF MY BOOKS!!!!

It was open but face down on this little table that also had an ash tray, Uncle John rolling papers and lubricant from Wall-Mart. As quickly as I could ... several long long agonizing seconds (Have you ever tried to pee as fast as you could?) ... I completed my mission and turned around.

Picking my my third book ... lovingly and tenderly titled "Partners In Grace" ... it is was open to pages 52 and 53 ... the middle of a story!!!! ... not the beginning or the end ... it was put on table ... face down ... in the middle of a wonderful story ... BECAUSE SOMETHING ELSE WAS SUDDENLY MORE IMPORTANT!

My shoulders sagged.

My knees buckled.

I hung my head.

I have been reduced to bathroom reading.

It made me feel cheap and unwanted.

Immediately I wondered about my other books. How many were lying around in bathrooms? Beside toilets? In the homes of people who roll the TP under rather than over?

When you write and publish books you imagine all kinds of things. Your books are proudly displayed on the bookshelf in the middle, eye level position, so that it is the first book seen. If reviews are written ... they are clipped and placed inside of the book so that the owner can show them off to every single quest entering the house. The spectacular cover is framed and placed over the Living Room sofa.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!

"Partners In Grace" was my first book by a Publisher in New York City! Now ... bathroom reading.

Then I really got worried ...

and flipped through all of pages of book.

Then I thanked God.

They were all there.