Eyes Unto Me

"No one knows what it's like ... behind blue eyes," Pete Townshend says.

Perhaps in his case.

I'm pretty wide open about it all.

Feelings are be lived and not suppressed. It's a shame so many people don't get that. They walk through life keeping everything they know locked inside. "All my life I've tired to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide ... waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn ... to decide," sings Sarah Bareilles and that is how so many do it.

There is this explanation that Jimmy Buffett once gave of himself and his songs. "People ask me, Jimmy sometimes you write songs that are sensitive and moving and other times you write tacky ones."

His response was "That's because sometimes I feel sensitive and other times I feel tacky."

Yep.

I think he got it right.

The embracing of who we are ... as we are.

For me, I can lay with my lover and quiet contentment reigns. Heart smiles break out for the simplest of reasons. Story telling and brooding conversations occur. Love peacefully settles like a blanket covering from the harshness of the world. Breathing becomes synchronized. Smells magnified.

Then I can also jump in a swimming pool full of my friends and the craziest things happen. They make me laugh. We do concerts on the porch and form a band to perform at Bar Church. Skinny Dipping breaks out. We break into one anothers homes cause ... just cause.

I take long walks with Goddess to a sad little holy dock to thank the sun as it sets for another day and pray for tomorrow. We sit by ourselves with my arm draped over her and pants and stares at the marsh.

Work can make me very intense and I focus ... throwing out explicatives when it goes wrong (my favorite is a pro-noun and a verb ... the Pro-noun is 'Mother' ... the definition of the verb is 'all the way'" ... and dancing across the room giving everyone a high five when it all goes right.

I sit on the beloved back in the afternoons, sans the laundry, drinking wine and listening to music ... contemplating the mysteries of the universe and the beauty of the stars.

There are also times when the loneliness of what I am missing almost crushes me and I fall on the sofa because the bed makes me miss it more and my blue eyes hold the tears back ... but barley ... until I fall asleep.

All of these things make me ... me. I try to embrace them all ... to celebrate them all ... because this is who I am.

Other people want me to be somebody else and make no bones telling me that I should more of this or less of that. I don't listen to them.

I use my eyes to SEE things as they are. To be myself as I am. The sensitive and the tacky. Holy and Profane.

Just as God made me.

So if God celebrates that ... and I believe she does ... I should too ... regardless of what anybody else thinks.