Pop Tarts

For "Boss's Day, the crew at the Breakfast Club gave Jodee ... Pop Tarts!

Strawberry.

I need to stop this story to tell you another.

Many years ago Jodee was reading the ingredients in Pop Tarts. Strawberry. He was horrified but decided to prove once and for all that Pop Tarts are not especially good for you. So he drug a toaster out into the middle of the street, made all of us leave our seats at the counter to watch, and crammed Strawberry Pop Tarts into it.

Like most mornings we sipped our coffee and looked at him as though he'd lost his mind. Nevertheless we love him dearly so we stood there watching. If we didn't might change the opening time again.

"Watch this," he yelled as though a kid conducting a science experiment he, bent over to push down the black knob on the side.

Jumping backwards with an excited grin, he leaned forward with his hands on his knees. The rest of us yawned.

Then it happened!

Sparks started flying from the toaster. It grew red and then ... it exploded sending strawberry Pop Tarts into the sky and raining down of those of us watching and into our coffee.

Jodee danced with glee and said, "I told you so!"

We yawned as we picked pieces of Pop Tart out of our hair. Then we went back inside and resumed our morning. Some of us had to go home and change clothes before going to work.

Now Back to Boss's Day ... Wait!

Another time Val was working the cash register as she always does, one hand holding up her pants while using the other to take people's money and then incorrectly punch in the amount. For some reason she wanted Pop Tarts for breakfast that morning. Those of us already diagnosed with Pop Tart trauma, sat there and watched without saying a word.

Reaching around the corner with the one hand not holding up her pants, she stuffed Pop Tarts into the toaster.

The rest of us ducked.

When it popped up, Jodee screamed. "WHO IN THE HELL PUT POP TARTS IN MY TOASTER!!!"

Everything in the entire restaurant came to a screeching halt. Cooks stopped cooking. Forks holding Helen's Solidarity hung suspended in front of open mouths. Dishwashers stopped washing dishes (well ... as if they had been washing them them anyway). Ryan actually woke up before getting off work! Val pants fell to the floor.

I was ducked behind the counter with one hand over my coffee so I'm not quite certain what happened next. When I came back up though the Pop Tarts lay flung in the middle of 15th Street. Somehow Chuck, the City Marshall, immediately appeared on the scene trying to figure out which violation of zoning this constituted.

OK, now back to Boss's Day at the Breakfast Club.

The envelope had balloons drawn on it with the words "Happy Boss's Day!". Jodee opened it and there were ... Strawberry Pop Tarts.

Instinctively, I hit the floor with my arms covering my head.

But ...nothing happened.

The quiet was deafening.

Peaking out from under my arms, I saw Jodee standing there as though he were Vanna White on "Wheel of Fortune" with a smile on his face, holding the Pop Tarts in one hand and using the other to highlight the fact that they were indeed Pop Tarts.

Hmmmm ...

"What's going on?" I asked myself. "Is he doing hard drugs? Did he high dive off the dock one time too many? Did he order a dry martini only to get a dirty one and it left him ... shaken? Did he overdose on "Soldier of Fortune" magazine? Was the world coming to an end before Bar Church has a chance to save it?"

Then he quietly laid down the silver package on the counter behind him and smiled as he went back to work on the grill.

This freaked me out so I got the hell out of there!

Though as I left I saw that they had also given him two bottles of something.

"Ah, it's gonna be a good day," he exclaimed as I fled out of sight, "come 3:30 it's gonna be great!"

I fled home and jumped under the covers of my bed and will not come out again until ... well, maybe never.