Getting it right this time

My friend Mike Ethridge made a "B" in his "Marriage Enrichment" course in Seminary the same semester that he got divorced.

It just goes to show you that things are not always what they seem.

Then again I've come to believe that's the way it is ... especially with relationships, but also what it's really like in the work place, with the elected official and even the miss-truths we tell ourselves to feel better about it all.

Mike was great though. We went with him to a Jimmy Buffett concert and met his new girlfriend Kim who also went to Seminary. She was great! They had moved in together after his wife had fled the lifelong commitment to be a Preacher's wife.

Rather than be sullen and hide the fact that he'd been abandoned, Mike was pretty open about it. "She couldn't play the piano anyway," he explained as we drank beers one night.

"Well then" I said, "what kind of Preacher's wife could she have been anyway?"

He stared off into space. "We were great in bed," he finally said.

I ordered another pitcher.

Last night we were having this intense conversation about relationships ... and how they are almost never the way people in them represent them to be ... or what we believe they are.

Husbands belittle wives comparing them to the really hot girl sitting at the next table or to the chick in the porn they watched last night. Wives grow emotionally detached from husbands and give everything they've got to their children ... then the children grow up and leave, and they got nothing. Children internalize watching these things and grow up distrustful of commitment.

Then we stay in relationships that are meaningless to us for crazy reasons ... other people's perceptions ... convenience ... money ... or worst of all religious convictions.

If we're lucky, we finally reach some point where we recognize that its ourselves that we are screwing ... and we stop it. Self mutilation is the worst kind of hall! I mean who in their right mind nails themselves to a cross every single day.

The sad answer is a lot a people.

Now in my not-too-distant past, I was abandoned. Shock, agony, decompensation, and a lot of other things resulted. Everything about my life changed overnight. Friends chose sides which is always ... as fascinatingly shocking as it is hurtful ... though it is holy too. You learn who really loves you and it's a much smaller group than you used to know. And I learned to examine myself in far deeper ways than I ever had before.

So on the last day of the last class of Seminary, I happened to be sitting next to Mike Ethridge. The class was called "Exit to Ministry" and this old man taught it. He went on about making certain we kept our socks pulled up sitting in the pulpit.

Mike raised his hand and the old man called on him.

"I think we've all made a mistake," Mike said staring off toward heaven while the rest of us stared at Dr. Allen.

"Please explain yourself Mr. Ethridge," the old man said.

Mike looked at me and winked. I'll never forget that as long as I live. His blue eyes blazed. The smirk on his face was perfect. Then he stood from his desk and collected his stuff.

"Well, Dr. Allen," he said, "You really think Jesus gives a shit about our socks? Or all of this?"

Mike swept his arms around the room.

"Or three piece suits?" Or divorces when he said he is a healer who came to bring peace."

"Mr. Ethridge," Dr. Allen yelled. "Resume your seat! There will not be such outburst in my ..."

"HEY!" Mike screamed. "Be honest Doc. We are the ones who fucked it up. It's up to us to make better! I think if Jesus was here now he would rent a bulldozer and level all of this stuff. Then he'd tell us to start and please do better this time."

The class broke into pandemonium. Pharisees threw stones and Sadducees looked for crosses and nails.

Mike threw his book bag over his shoulder and looked at Dr. Allen.

"I quit!" and he looked at me ... and he winked.

And that's the last time I ever saw him.

He went on to become an attorney and is very successful. I don't think that he and Kim made it but I'm sure it's not for a lack of trying. They were together when they needed to be together.

I sit here this morning remembering my friend and thanking him for important lessons in my life. Sometimes people are in our lives for reasons ... to get us to the next level ... to teach us painful things about ourselves ... to birth children ... to remind us of the things that we really want and believe and are ...

So I've abandoned and I've been abandoned.

Jesus' bulldozer has leveled my life ... but you know what? I understand things better now. Love came to me first and that's where God always starts anyway. So that's what I'm working on ... I've learned enough ... it's time to get it right ... THIS TIME.