Reaching the Top

When Goddess and I got to our house after leaving the sad little holy dock where I'd baptized myself in pain from the past, it was dusk. Our house is changed and different from when it belonged to just Goddess and I. Cars and Golf Carts fill the side of the yard. At first I don't see anybody then a little girl calls my name as she climbs out of a car.

"They've gone looking for you," she explains and as soon as she did there they were. I'd come one way from the sad little holy dock and they'd gone in the other direction. When we see each other we embrace in the front yard ... and remain there for a long time ... locked in love.

Rocky who lives with me comes out with her dog Simon, brushes pass the group hug smiling and says, "Hey Kids!"

I think I waved without moving my arms.

I am content.

Willie Nelson once told this story. "A guy named Ben Dorsey used to work for Johnny Cash, and he had a bunch of suits that Johnny had given him. He was walking down the street in Nashville in front of the Grand Ole Opry, and this guy came up with a guitar in his hand and thought Ben was one of the stars because he had on Cash's suit. He said, "How do you get started in this business?" And Ben said, "Ain't but one way, hoss. You start at the bottom, you go right to the top. Don't mess with that in-between shit."

After years ... decades ... of actually living this advice ... the last couple of years I fell into the in-between shit. Actually I was pushed.

Suddenly the pushers have re-entered my life. They call. They text. They ask for things that I used to give them. And let's be honest ... shit is shit ... there's not much pleasant about it. There are shitty things and there shitty people (Board Chair who are too small so they beg to remain anonymous). I had too many of both.

When Jeremy and Kristen were little I was determined that they would love water. We'd walk into the swimming pool and they were six and four. As we entered, I'd grab my little girl by her hand and literally throw her over my head into the deep end. Mothers trying to teach their babies not be afraid of the water screamed. Kristen emerged, spitting water, laughing, begging me, "Do it again Daddy."

But I couldn't. I was busy climbing up the High Dive Board with Jeremy. At the end, horrified Mothers with their babies screamed "Don't do it!" as I held him over the deep end of the pool from the end of the board.

Then I would let him go.

It always evoked screams.

He loved it and when he wants to ... he can still make make girls scream (Marie ... it would be in your best interest to weigh in on this).

The point is, Jeremy and Kristen didn't go through the in-between shit when it came to living life when you're in over your head. They learned to laugh at it ... to be comfortable with it ... to enjoy it.

And I watched both of them do this.

Jeremy was determined that he and Marie could buy a house in Madison, Georgia though they really didn't have any money. So he got frustrated one night and did the math on the eraser board they kept in the kitchen. It stayed up for months ... reminding themselves that deep waters are ... sailed. Then they bought the house.

Kristen surfs. From relationship to relationship. To school. Through multiple jobs. But the girl works. My God her work ethic is the stuff of legend. She remains an incredible athlete and is thirty-something going on to teenage years. Last year I asked her if she could hit a boy in the face while serving a volley ball like she used to at Catholic girls school. The boy, a muscle bound thing, scoffed and laughed. She got pissed. Served the ball. Hit him in the face knocking him on the ground. I then fell on the ground laughing.

My favorite picture of Chelsea was taken when she was twenty feet under water. In the ocean. It was her first snorkeling experience. She'd never had the pool upbringing that her brother and sister had but after getting over the fact that jelly fish are in the ocean, she excelled. And she still does. But I love that picture when I'm ten feet above her and she's diving deep for the first time in her life. Now she's graduating from college with honors and marrying the love of her life.

Standing in the front yard in an embrace that I will not let go of ... all of these things rush through my mind.

I've been in over my head. I've been surrounded by shitty people and shitty things.

I've been to the bottom.

Now it's time for the top.

No more of that in-between shit.