The Bitch In the Story

I'm don't know how she knows but she knows.

I cheated on Goddess.

I went out with another dog. He's a hyper, likely on serious drugs, thief with crazy psychedelic eyes and a Weimaraner. He can chew through a twenty-seven pound bone in three minutes. When the dog jumps on you ... which is often ... he can knock you down. With his paws on your shoulders and his wild drug crazed Charles Manson eyes, you realize that he is taller than you ... by several feet. Then he runs around like a Ninja Banzai until it's time to jump on me again. Then he repeats all of this. I'm pretty sure he has a Meth-lab in his dog house.

As he drug me down the street, a SUV pulled up, rolled down the window and a lady asked me, "Is that Oscar?"

Pulling back with two hands on the lease to stop the wild crazy maniac from either selling Meth on the Street or buying more Meth on the Street, I answered and told her that it was.

"He broke into my house once," she said staring at me sympathetically through the window. "I had tenderized Pork Chops on the kitchen counter as the grill got ready. Oscar broke in and ate them."

From all of my years working with addicts, I know that they often resort to stealing to satisfy their habit. It dawned on me that Oscar likely has a record and may be wanted by ... the Dog-Catcher, Savannah Metro Police Force, C.I.A., and Homeland Security.

Turning, I let the dog drag me back to Sarah's.

When I got home, Goddess somehow knew all of this. She had busted out in the middle of the night. Now I need to say a couple of things about the Goddess. First, she is one laid back dog ... beautifully so. If she does drugs, she smokes Pot. She is mellow and loving and always has the munchies.

Second, she can open doors. When I leave the house, I have to secure the sliding door lock on her doggie door, make absolutely certain that the sliding glass doors are locked, and then drag the trash can in front of both ... because ... Goddess knows how to shove the trash can out of the way with her nose ... slide the sliding doggie door lock open ... unlock a sliding glass door by jumping on her hind legs and using her paw to unlatch the latch and then slide the door open.

That's quite the accomplishment for a dog smoking marijuana.

When I got home, my room mate Rocky asked me if I'd seen Titus, her cat. Apparently Goddess had scared Titus off, which is funny because Titus can kick Goddess' ass.

Anyway I told her that I had not. Then she told me that Goddess had broken out last night ... again! Goddess' high had worn off and she was barking like she was in Cold Turkey.

So Rocky broke into my side of the house to let Goddess back in and re-secured the doors, locks, chains, trash can.

Goddess seemed alright with it, waited on Rocky to leave, burned another one and slept through the night.

When I got home though ... she was pissed and was a real bitch about it all. She glared at me with those beautiful golden eyes as though asking, "Where the hell have you been? Why do you smell like that? You've cheated on me! WITH A BOY!"

I had nothing to say, sliding by her with my head hung low.

I spied several empty wine bottles lying next to Goddess' mat on the floor. Crushed out doobies were everywhere. Empty Doritos bags littered about.

Then Dedra walked in.

"Did you lock the lock on the sliding doggie door?" I asked.

"No why?" she said not really giving a damn about anything other than combining cheese eggs with chicken soup.

She reminded me of Oscar.

Then it hit me.

There is as bitch in this story and I know who it is.