Manly Pedeicures

I went straight from the conference call in the parking lot of the Mexican restaurant to the Pedicure.

I love Pedicures and converted my dearly departed friend Trolly Joe to them. He called me a "homo" forever because I got Pedicures. I like to take a large glass of wine, make them turn the television to ESPN and have women play with my feet in the water.

Trolly Joe hated hearing this ... until he did it.

Then he realized that you can be manly and still enjoy Pedicures. There is a picture of him on Face Book and his feet are in the water and he has a Rum and Coke in his hand and is smiling and enjoying the Asian woman playing with his feet.

When he first showed it to me, I called him a "homo".

The conference call had been brutal. It was with a bunch of doctors who were all prescribing different things. They had no idea. I order my drugs from Canada (meaning they actually come from Germany for some reason) but they cost 75% less than what the American health care system charges. I like bargain basement drugs!

As soon as I hung up, I ate a Taco. Then Sarah, my beautiful daughter Kristen and Dedra and I showed up for Pedicures.

"Oh no," said the owner as we walked in. "Not you."

I immediately walked to the television to change the channel from the LIFETIME network to ESPN 2.

Ripping the remote my hand, the owner told me that we were going to watch NET FLIX. Staring at her, I took a sip of wine and said, "Alright then."

I sat down and was ignored for about an hour. The water my feet were soaking in got cold. The owner was giving Sarah a Pedicure who was sitting beside me.

Grabbing my I-Phone I called the owner whose phone number was on her smock.

"Hell-Row," she said into her phone.

"Hey, how long do I have to sit here," I asked?

She hung up on me.

On the other side of the room Dedra was bitching about something so I called her to see what was wrong. Dedra never took phone in college so she is challenged. Instead of answering, she yells across the room, "What do you want?"

She is an unsophisticated country girl. I was embarrassed for her.

"That's my Dad," Kristen announced as the rest of the customers left.

Sarah reached out and tenderly held my hand ... so that I couldn't use my phone anymore.

Finally I got my Pedicure.

After they threw us out, I wanted to work on our collective tans. We walked into the Tan Shop and this really tanned woman with really white teeth tried to sell me package deal.

Since when do tans come in packages?

I needed time to think about it so we left.

Most of the time, I try to make point when I write these things.

Not today. I'm merely telling you what actually happened yesterday.

Oh ... and can somebody tell me how I got home last night?