Puritan with a tan

"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun ..." (Billy Joel). Me too! Which probably explains why my ministry has been so ... FUN! I did have an affair with a church and the romance lasted for almost eight years. During that time we seduced each other repeatedly. Sometimes it was sweet and sacred while other times it was rough and holy. In the end, it was nonmonogamous relationship and we agreed to part. We'd both committed adultry, betrayal and were not especially full of fildelity. She always wanted more than I could give. She seems to be doing fine as the Church has millions of other suitors and I've settled into a happy monogamous marriage. Her adoring suitors lavish her with songs, praise and literally throw money at her. On other hand, I'm happy to fix Sarah's coffee every morning, water the plants and talk to God while standing with my feet in the ocean listening to music on my I-Pod. She has her throngs of adoring people and I have ... a Carnival of Friends. But I remember my times with her times fondly. She was good for me and, I think, I was good for her. Sometimes, late at night, I'll be laying in bed and remember the good times. But that was then and this is now. Today I've traded in my black robe for a pair of black running shorts. I bought the robe for $10 from another minister who was going out of business (what a deal!). It's now ripped and torn and hangs in the back of the closet. I still pull it out when I need it (the next scheduled appearance is Dani Sadowski's wedding ... if she can find a bald groom cake topper) though it mostly stays in the dark recesses of the closest. The running shorts are used daily, see a lot of sunshine, swim in the ocean with me and easily slide off when I need to call on the name of God with Sarah. If additional clerical garb is necessary, I've got a lot of black tee-shirts. My flip-flops are black too. I'm Puritian with a tan. Last night the Carnival of Friends gathered to celebrate the birth of Samuel Adams, who plays damn good live music on Tybee Island. We got a cake and took it to the bar. Sam's the founder of Bar Church and when I want to remember my church affair, that's where I go. It was a very praticipatory service as we "knocked on heaven's door." Sarah loves it when that happens! In Seminary, I paid a lot of money to learn the concept of orgasmic worship. It's when the service is so good ... the congregation, music, sermon, offertory ... that you and God have an experience that is orgasmic. (Seriously, they teach this and clergy are encouraged to help others facilitate finding your spiritual G-spot.) When you leave Church you literally spent. (A lot of preachers go home after church for beer and a cigarette.) Later today, the Carnival of friends has scheduled a baptism service in the swimming pool that overlooks the marsh that God made. I'm pretty sure they'll be a lot of laughter. There are too many tears in the world and we take a stand against such evil. The water will be holy, the communion wine glasses filled and there may be fudge. No doubt, there will be a great deal of laughter. There's already a lot of love. Hallelujah!