Jehovah Called

Jehovah called. I hate it when that happens because you have to answer. I mean ... it's Jehovah. The caller ID flashes Hebrew consonants so you know it's God or somebody really good at professing to be God's spokesperson and you sigh ... "Shit! It's God. I have to take this call." It reminds me of when I was cramming four years of college into five at Georgia Southern. Sitting in my kitchen in Red Barn Trailer Park the phone rang. "Hello," I answered. "Mike, what are you going to do with the rest of your life?" It was Guy Sayles. Guy never starts with "Hello" or simple introductory stuff but cuts straight to the heart of the matter. He had graduated the year before and had enrolled in Seminary and was calling from Louisville, Kentucky. "I dunno," I answered. I was in a band, married and Jeremy had just been born. The Dean of the college had just called me in demanding that I declare a major. He explained that students traditionally choose their major at the conclusion of the second year of college. I was starting year five. "What do I have the most hours in?" I asked him. After studying at my twenty seven page transcript he said, "History ... but not by much. You have a tie for second between Literature and Religious studies." So I was soon to graduate with a Major in History, a double minor, and a son when Guy called. "Why don't you come to Seminary?" Guy asked on the phone. "OK," I told him. That's how I got called to go Seminary. Now, all of these years later, I'm still getting called. This time Jehovah wants Sarah and I to be in the Bar Church Band again. Sometimes Jehovah simply can't make up his mind. It was only a few months ago that Jehovah had called us out of the Bar Church Band. You're not supposed to question Jehovah ... so what do you do? In Seminary I paid a lot of good money to learn stupid shit ... like where did the word "Jehovah" come from. As with the rest of the Bible, it depends on who you ask. Dr. J.J. Owens, a great professor of Hebrew, who was forever getting on to me for introducing southern dialect to the class, taught that Jehovah is a mistranslation of the Hebrew word "Yahweh" which is the name that God gave Moses. Yahweh means "I am what I am" so he may as well have called himself "Popeye". God transcends human language anyway. Regardless, Jehovah has tracked Sarah and I down and we have to go to Bar Church Band Practice in a little while. I'm thinking about getting rid of caller ID. "Shit!" The phones ringing.