My Fourth Life

The sliding glass doors are open, birds sing and the sun glares off the table on the on the beloved back deck. While we were away, high winds blew the umbrella away because I forgot to lower it. It's alright. I seem to lose an umbrella about every other year.

I've survived worse.

It's a beautiful morning. Birds are singing. Fran's thousand shades of green glimmer in the sunshine. The skies are blue and the grass is green. The weeds have died after I treated the yard a couple of weeks ago. Spring is beginning to push winter away.

I am restless, ready for the new things that come with warmer weather. Winter is the season of death, a reminder of dark tombs and empty places. Things are always worse in the cold night.

Standing on the back deck I can see the cold front making its way towards the coast. The breeze picks up from the west. Purple clouds roll towards the sea. The first drops of rain fall.

I close the doors and resume my seat in front of the computers. There is much to be done before domestic obligations overtake me this afternoon. Like a winter's day, time is shortened and I desire long afternoons that slowly fade into the night. I want open windows, the singing of the waves and endless miles of blue skies.

I'm at the beginning of my fourth life and have an emerging sense that time is no longer on my side. I still have it but no real certainty of how much so I'm cramming as much into it as possible.

My first life was growing up with my parents, learning to live with a brother and a sister before taking those initial steps towards independence. The second life was discovering who I am, starting my own family and making my way in the world. The third was having my children turn into my friends, starting over in work and love while finding my place beside the sea.

It's all led me here to this time, place and to Sarah.

My kids are all in their second lives. Jeremy and Marie have birthed their family and are now making their contributions to the world. Kristen continues to work but is back in school so she can do more than she has. Chelsea and Sam are planning their marriage, working on Master's degrees and raising a rabbit. They've yet to determine where home will be.

It's fun for me sharing the same agendas that my kids have. I've vowed to spend more time with them this year than I did last. Like them, work is again brand new endeavor for me.

Yesterday I read an article on LinkedIn that if you're over 55 and looking for work, you're really screwed these days. It told me I should retire, volunteer, or start my own business (because nobody in their right mind would consider hiring me!).

I don't have problems with that other than I look, feel and certainly act a lot younger than the photograph of the old man in the LinkedIn article. So I laughed and got to work on my forth life. It's much different from the others, more introspective, contemplative and prayerful; less contentious, frightful or mysterious.

I like the number four. There's something Biblical about it. On the third day, Jesus rose from the dead and I'm pretty certain by the next morning everyone knew it.

That's how I feel.

Everyone else should get out of the way.