somebody's kicked you in the stomach but today is yours to take or break."
Tim stares at his clasped hands resting on his knees. He hears the words, even manages a nod but his wife's left him and took his daughter too. He struggles to simply breath.
Sighing, Allocia grabs Tim by the arm commanding, "Get up!"
Limply he stands though his head remains bowed and he stairs at his feet.
Pulling him along she explains, "We're taking a walk. You can't just sit here."
"I don't know what to do," he mumbles.
"Were y'all happy?" Allocia asks guiding him into a park full of children playing on a merry-go-round and Monkey Bars.
Shaking his head from side to side, Tim admits he was not but the sense of loss is overwhelming and he's full of fear. Feelings that are really questions rumble in the pit of his stomach.
I don't want to live alone. How am I going to manage being by myself? We may have fought all the time but at least she was there. When will I see my daughter? I can't live without her. What are all my friends going to say? What am I going to tell my Mom? It took everything both of us make to live. How am I going to survive without her income too?
Allocia pulls Tim down on a bench and he hears the squeals of joy, music of laughter and playful challenges of children.
Realizing he's in a park, Tim stares at single mothers sitting on benches talking as they watch their kids. Fathers push swings with sons and daughters begging to go higher. The grass is green, birds sing, the sun hangs in a deep blue sky illuminating everyone in yellow light. Everything is ALIVE!
His sense of loss ignites and seems to grow. Tim sobs and Allocia puts her arm around his shoulders and they sit in silence together until shadows grow from the trees and the park thins out.
"You know what?" she asks. "Tomorrow the suns going to rise again and this park's going be full of children."
Allocia introduces Tim to me a few days later and they share what's been happening. Mostly I listen until he's got nothing else to say.
"Yeah, I've been there," I grin. "Resurrections are better than crucifixions. Life beats the hell out of the alternative. I'm testimony to that."
Tim asks me lots of "How did you?" questions and I answer each of them.
In the months that follow, we talk occasionally and I slowly observe Tim's rebirth. First he spends nights alone and explains why to everyone. Each time he does, it gets easier. There's less money but its cheaper to live alone. He loses friends but gains some he never realized were his.
One day he and Allocia hold hands and I'm introduced to Tim's smiling daughter. Happily they share plans to live together and I share their joy.
"The best lovers are friends first," I say and they nod.
It makes me wonder why so many get stuck staring at their hands and learn to live with loss, regretting things that might have been and filling time with superficial diversions. They live with people they don't love, do things they don't want and keep thinking things will get better by doing them over and over.
Everybody goes through these experiences but too many choose to remain on the darker side of their lives. I certainly did and you probably have too.
This is what I learned, change is inevitable and growth is hard but accepting both is a secret to happiness.
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