Gay Tanning

Winston, The Little Gay Dog (TLGD) prances out on the Beloved Back Deck where I'm sitting naked writing a lustful blog about how Sarah starts pulling her shorts down before she gets to the bathroom.

I'm lusting ... I mean ... concentrating intensely of what I'm doing.

Winston, TLGD, doesn't care jumping up on the table wearing dark sunglasses and a white wife-beater tee-shirt with the colorful words, "Wanna taste the rainbow?"

"What do you want?" I ask full of irritation at my thoughts being interrupted.

Brown eyes peer at me over the top of the shades resting on his brown nose.

"Why don't you like me?" he asks through moist eyes.

"You're a pain in the ass," I mumble.

A lone tear rolls down his brown face.

"Alright," I sigh sitting up. "You're not a pain in the ass. You are a DIVA and you're sometimes a pain in the ass but not all of the time. What is this about?"

His little red tongue licks my hand.

"Oh for God's sake," I say pulling my hand back, "stop being such a drama queen! What's up?"

"You know I love you," he says.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... I love you too. What do you want?"

Sitting down on the table Winston TLGD collects himself before asking, "Why do you throw me off the bed at night?"

"Duh," I explain ... "because you're in the way."

"I'm part of this family too," he says with indignation.

"Well good!" I snap. "Go sleep with the girls."

He sighs and says, "I love Mom."

"I know," I sigh holding up my hand. "I know."

"Well then why do you grab me in the middle of the night and throw me against the wall?" Winston TLGD implores.

"Oh for Christ's sake," I mutter. "Listen! I roll over, put my arm around my wife and grab hold of a big ol' piece of hair that's breathing! Instincts take over and I throw you against the wall."

"It hurts," he cries. "It really hurts."

Standing up dragging my fingers through my long hair I take a stroll around the deck.

The air is warm with the damp hint of rain and salt hangs in the air.

"I have a suggestion," Winston TLGD timidly suggest. "Why don't you sleep with the girls?
"YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH," I explode ... meaning it literally.

"Calm down," he says licking himself. "It was just a suggestion."

"Are we done?" I growl.

 "I believe so," TLGD says standing up and making his way to his little outdoor tanning bed before suddenly turning to say, "will you put some lotion on my back?"

"Oh Jesus Christ," I mutter grabbing the lotion.

"Want to work on your tan too," he asks.

Sarah's still in the bathroom and it's a nice day ... "Yeah, I think so. Put some lotion on my back."

"Ooooohhh," Winston TLGD exclaims, "it's hairy."

"SHUT UP!" I yell.

"BOYS!" we hear Sarah scream from inside.