The Announcement (Sarah doesn't know. Don't tell her.)

I'm seriously considering running for public office.

Okay ... wine's involved ... but I want to start the disclosure process before I even announce which office I'm running for ... because I haven't decided yet.

This is where I'm at right now.

Democrat or Republican?

Who cares?

It doesn't matter.

They're all the same!

"Get elected! Stay elected!" is the motto of both parties.

I've always had a fondness for "Libertarians" ... Republicans who smoke Pot ... but these days Republicans are passing legislation legalizing Pot so ... choosing a party is more confusing than ever.

Bureaucracy and Bloated Government?

Fire everybody and start over!

I've never actually been in Government but I've worked with every level for decades learning several things.

Whenever Government downsizes ... say by combining Departments ... no one loses a job.

How is this possible when eliminating entire Departments?

But it happens every single time Government downsizes!

Ronald Reagan was the best at this ever which is why he remains so revered!

Protocol

Every single thing about Government is scripted.

I believe we should blow up the script.

Every Government meeting ... of any kind ... from a Council person meeting with a City Manager or all of Congress convening ... a mandatory "Group Hug" is had to begin ... and to end ... the meeting.

As a matter of fact when hiring the new Bureaucrats to take the place of the ones we've fired I think we start by hiring "Professional Huggers" to greet every single person who tries to meet with any one elected.

Hugs take all the pressure out of the room and make everyone feel better before we get down to business.

Vacation Time

This is one area where Government excels!

I believe we can do better.

"The more he sleeps," Arlo Guthrie once said of the President, "the safer we are."

I think this is true of every single elected official.

Let's make it public policy.

Either go to sleep ... we'll provide Government subsidized medication and alcohol ... OR ... go on vacation ... also subsidized.

It'll hurt far less from the ways you're screwing us now.

Campaigning

All campaigning should be on social media.

You don't want me knocking on your door and I really don't care who you are.

I just want you to vote for me.

Let's eliminate the discomfort for everybody!

I'll post my position on Facebook.

You slam it with comments, Tweets and photos of me on Instagram.

That way I don't have to raise money to run for office ... completely confusing big business and putting Lobbyists out of business.

It just makes sense.

Taxes

Everybody owes.

It's irrelevant.

Terrorism

The current American political system is the single largest cell in the world.

Elect me ... and I'll start eliminating them ... and I'm not calling you on the phone ... ever ... or stopping by your house to ask you to vote for me.

I promise you that!

And that is a promise I will not break.