It's my fault.
I'm supposed to email whatever's inside to Mary by Thursday but life's awful busy these days and I didn't get it to her in time.
Honestly I've always been a bit suspicious of Bulletins anyway.
Worship officially starts at 11:00 on Sunday morning ... white people over there ... black people on the other side ... God forbid they mix ... and while you can act religious prior to worship beginning it's not real worship until 11:00 ... thus the Bulletin tells me so.
I always thought it would be funny to do a Bulletin like this.
11:00 Worship Begins
11:01 Sing a Hymn
11:05 Have a Prayer
11:12 Join the Pastor in saying "Amen" ... allow for 10 more minutes of praying if the Church is African-American, Pentecostal or Southern Baptist.
11:13 - 11:25 Announcements ... meaning ... you're going to be hit up to do things for free that the "Professional Christians are paid to do."
11:26 - 11:30 Another Hymn
11:31 - 11:35 Special Music ... meaning ... the good stuff's happening ... at least as good as the Church has to offer ... it's sort of "God Idol" instead of "American Idol" ... some Churches got really good stuff ... others should go home before even trying.
11:35-11:40 While really sappy piano and organ music is played ... the offering plates are passed because nothing is free ... you have to pay for the sermon before you hear it ... unlike tipping ... you gotta buy something you haven't heard yet ... and it's often God awful!
(Now ... in my Bulletin ... this would happen.)
11:41 GOD ARRIVES
(The reality in Church Bulletins.)
11:41 The Sermon
11:42 People get fidgety, check out the legs of the girls wearing dresses ... the asses of boys ... I-phone ... read the rest of the Bulletin ... stare out the stained glass wishing it will all be over soon.
12:00 - God knows when ... it's over.
12:01 - God knows when ... Postlude.
Now that's an honest Church Bulletin!
Everything's pretty much true except what happens at 11:41.
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