Where did Diving Boards go?
Who decided the giant aluminum Super Slides you rode down on a Croaker sack were dangerous?
Was it Government that decided to be safe on a bicycle you need a helmet, elbow pads, knee pads and ride on a particular side of the road?
What's wrong with building a fire on the beach to roast hot dogs?
Diving off the Pier was always a blast but now you can't get in 30 feet of it unless you're standing on it but you sure as Hell can't have a dog, hold a bottle or butcher the shark you just caught to keep it fresh!
Making love in the Sand Dunes is a rite of passage but now you can be fined for creating an ecological disturbance.
My son Jeremy and I once hurled water balloons at all the cars that drove to Tybee just to turn around in our drive way but we'd be arrested now!
And God knows if your dog barks on this clump of sand they haul your ass to Court where the Judge tries to look at you as you're fined hundreds of dollars.
We now live in an age where other people know what's best for us.
It's a time of protecting you from yourself.
When I was a kid, Monkey Bars were cool! High Dives were better than Low ones! Aluminum Super Slides were the rush in the K-Mart parking lot! Bicycles were meant to go recklessly fast down the Port Wentworth Viaduct against the one coming traffic. Drift wood meant beach fires and hot dogs. The Sand Dunes were for love.
Today, a SWAT will take you down before you can jump from the Pier.
It can't get any crazier in this Para-military Police driven economy run by a Government that knows best world that makes us scared of ourselves because it make them feel ... I don't know ... like they've made a difference.
My entire generation of crazy Monkey Bar climbing, diving board jumping, Super Sliding, unprotected bike riding, drift wood burning Pier jumpers who lost our virginity in Sand Dunes have ... SURVIVED.
We did it without protection!
All that to say ... look at this!
Now the Tybee Island Police Department is hosting a "Civilian Response to Active Shooter events" class!
It's designed to help you shoot them before they shoot you.
AND IT'S FREE!
Gomer Pile's "Citizen's Arrest" is now kill the Muthafucker because you ... might get hurt.
Doing away with Monkey Bars is one thing but giving the general public training and permission to shoot is something else entirely.
AND IT'S MY GENERATION CONCOCTING SUCH STUPID THINGS!
We've become so scared of everything because we've forgotten how to have fun.
Sure I understand Terrorist could blow up a boat in the Savannah River and if you had your gun you'd probably be able to take em out from Savannah River Sweets before it happened while licking your ice cream.
I also understand that on Tybee when Orange Crush happens armed white residents are scared of congregating black kids and could shoot anything that moves.
And our Government ... through our Paramilitary Police force ... is all for it!
We've forsaken having fun on the Monkey Bars so the Monkeys can be in charge.
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