Living and Longing

 

Every morning I'm up, waking-and-baking, sipping coffee on the 11th deck, watching the sunrise, with a handful of fellow cruisers.

Josh and his wife sit at the table beside me. They're giddy cruisers, taking advantage of everything, smiling and bleary eyed, they greet me warmly, and we baptize ourselves in golden beams bouncing off of the Sea. 

I marvel at a lone bird circling the boat in the middle of the Ocean. 

How in God's name does it do that?

And why?

After the sunrise, I seek shade on a comfortable outside sofa and collect whatever thoughts I have. 

I am mindful of the passing of things. 

I've loved the Caribbean my whole life and spent a lot of time and money here. And I've loved every single second of it! It's been my constant sense of longing since I first visited decades ago with my Dad. 

Now, I'm mindful that somehow Sarah's pulled off a perfect celebration of my life now, rather than later, and in all likelihood, this is my last time here, so I'm soaking everything I can in to carry me till the end.

Before any melancholy sets in, Che surprises us by entering and winning the 1st round of the Ship's Hula Hoop competition, and I'm cheering wildly. 

Living and longing. 

What am I longing for?

I don't know. 

Safety, security and comfort for Sarah and Che. I long for those things.  

I long for their happiness after I'm gone.  

I long to stay here, meaning I've never been on a trip to the Caribbean I was ready to end, and I'd just assume this cruise continue. 

Sarah's already thinking about home and work. Che's also ready to reconnect with her friends. We miss Lainey. 

But I'm not ready.  

I'm going to miss it, but I'm grateful as Hell I got to be here one more time.

This part of my Celebration is coming to a close, though I long for it to continue a bit longer, as I get to live into Summer again, warding off the evils to come, one day at a time. 

"Keep the party going," Jimmy Buffett allegedly said from his death bed.  

I raise this Pirates Punch to that. 

Yo Ho Ho.