View from the bed

While Sarah wakes up in extremely slow motion, I'm pretty quick about it.

That's not to say I jump right out of bed.

The view is incredible.

If I'm facing the interior of the house, I'm staring at Sarah. Not too shabby of a way to wake up! Of course, if I wake her up she might kill me before falling back to sleep and dying is no way to wake up.

If I'm laying on my left side though, with Sarah snuggling my back, there are six windows for me to stare at silhouettes of Palm Trees in the pre-dawn sky.

Light creeps from the ocean where the sun is erupting from the sea.

Couples are watching it, holding hands while sipping to-go cups of coffee.

Photographers are snapping pictures of it.

In the sand dunes, others are making love, creating their own eruptions.

The Department of Public Works is cleaning up yesterday's mess on the beach.

The Breakfast Club is busy preparing for its daily invasion of customers.

I take 10 minutes or so and just lay there.

The Palm Trees come to life as God finger paints the sky blue with streaks of red, yellow and purple.

Sarah breathes into my back and squeezes her arm around my waist.

Goddess nuzzles her cold nose into my hand which is slung off the side of the bed.

I am bathed in holiness and there is no hurry.

I think about things laying there. The kids are all alright and I'm thankful. My Mom is doing good beyond belief. Our friend Robin is moving towards the ocean and that's good. Mark, Mitch and Sandi made me laugh all day long yesterday. Cheryl came out with a bottle of wine yesterday as the girls and I swam in the pool to break the afternoon heat. Suzanne in Pittsburgh and I chatted on Facebook and I hadn't talked to her in a year or so. We heard from lots of people interested in listening to God talk to them. The first illustration for the new book was terrific and made us all laugh for a long time.

"Thank you," I say out loud to start the day.

Than I crawl out of bed and stumble to the outdoor shower so I can enjoy it all again.

Dreams and Visions

"Hey God! You listening?"

The house is silent.

"Of course you're listening. You're God. You're always listening."

God doesn't say anything in response.

"Anyway I want to talk to you for a few minutes."

God doesn't tell me to shut up or go to hell so I take it as a good sign and move ahead.

"I had crazy dreams last night that kept waking me up. I'm talking really stupid stuff! My son Jeremy goes missing and my brilliant daughter-in-law Marie keeps demanding that I go and get him. Sarah and I bump into my Granddaddy Carver who wants us to help him drive a tractor to New York and I just can't see him in New York for anything! Winston, the little gay dog, joined the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Crazy stuff!"

God keeps listening without interrupting.

"Listen will you do me a favor. I know you said that 'old men will dream dreams and young men will see visions.' I also know I'm 56 but I don't think that's old enough for me to be dreaming all of these dreams. I liked having visions better and as you remember I was pretty damn good at it."

I can tell God is mulling the point.

"I envisioned a little broken down church becoming a haven for homeless people and radical Seminarians and the place took off. Then I had visions to start Phoenix Place, the J.C. Lewis Health Center and the Starfish Café. Those were all pretty good visions that all came true! I had visions of Sarah in and out of a bikini way before it actually happened! God, I want to keep having visions and ask that you cut off the dream machine until I'm into my 60s at least."

God doesn't say no.

"Thank God," I rush to conclude. "You're great! OK, I know you're busy so I'll stop bothering you. Bye."

I get outside as fast as I can.

The sun is blazing bright in a brilliant blue sky. A breeze blows from the west, across the marsh bringing the delightful aroma of sex in the Tropics. The grass is green, the ocean flat and flowers bloom everywhere.

I always feel better when God and I talk.

I hope that you do too.

Tybee Island Normal

Every fall Mike Hosti puts on the sign at the IGA "Back to Normal" because the tourists supposedly have left. The letter "R" is always backwards. Tybee Island could then slip back into its normal, laid back lifestyle.

It's not that way now. Tourist season is upon us and for those of you who aren't here but have any interest whatsoever of what's going on, here are the things that happened on Tybee Island yesterday.

Cheryl Sadowsky, owner of the world famous Breakfast Club was accosted by Honey Boo Boo's body guard at The Crab Shack and her drink was knocked to the ground causing lots of locals to burst into tears. A prayer vigil for the spilled drink is currently being planned. Cheryl is shaken but word is that a full recovery is expected.

Honey Boo Boo is apparently on the island though nobody gives a shit other than her body guard.

The Tybee Island Parking Service Nazi-mobile drove through a Pedestrian crosswalk full of people at 35 Miles per hour apparently in a rush to give someone a ticket.

Morning beach combers discovered that at least twenty-seven couples made love in the sand dunes last night and collected left behind articles of clothing and condoms (we recycle!).

My friend and partner Wen McNally did a Zombie photo shoot on the Pier last night during one hell of a thunderstorm which is something you just don't see every day. As her husband Sean points out though, the state of Georgia produces more Zombies than any other state and I agree with him. TO find out for yourself just visit the Georgia State Capitol in Atlanta when the legislature is convened.

My friend Keith was hit by a truck and taken to the Emergency Room where he immediately called Ken Nugent whose motto is "One Call! That's All." He didn't call his family because he doesn't want them to know if any impending litigation is successful.

There was a long line of tourists at The Breakfast Club at 6:45 this morning prompting the astute observation, "If I'm on vacation the last damn thing I'm doing is getting up early to stand in line to have breakfast."

Obviously having stepped away from the pipe, Johnny O went to work ten minutes early.

That's a lot of activity for twenty-four hours.

Let's see what happens today.

Laid Back

It has come to my attention over the past several days that I'm pretty laid back.

That's good.

I've worked hard to get here.

My world turns very slow.

Not much bothers me.

Well ... politicians bother me. They can all go to hell. I'm non-discriminatory about it ... they all suck. They start off believing they can make a difference but in the end, the major prophet George Harrison was right when he said, "No matter who runs for office, it's the Government that always gets elected."

Television preachers bother me too. They also suck and can go to the same hell they're telling me I'm going to just because I happen to have broken eight of the ten commandments. They hang around Saints claiming to be with the "In-crowd" whereas I prefer my friends the Sinners. We have more fun and we spend a lot of time laughing at Joel Osteen and T.D. Jakes, just waiting on them to have their "Jim and Tammy Baker" moments.

Other than that though, nothing much bothers me.

My daughter Chelsea is getting married tomorrow and a Tropical Storm happens to be passing over head and everybody's in a tither about it.

"It'll be alright," I tell them with a shrug. "The sun always comes back out."

Besides I've never done a beach wedding in the rain. It could be fun, combining the best elements of nuptials with nipples in a wet tee-shirt contest.

There's also all of the drama that goes with a wedding. Who's coming and who's not? Everyone assumes the worst. I don't get caught up in all of that.

It won't matter anyway. I won't see them as I'll be crying my eyes out.

Plus I'm performing the ceremony as a former "Professional Christian" so I have to multi-task by talking and crying at the same time.

It'll all be alright.

When Sarah and I got married we decided to kidnap a party that was already going on and only invite a few friends. Two hundred people showed and the party someone else was throwing became ours. It was a magical night.

It will all work out.

It always does.