Today's Plan

It's great to be back in the outdoor office after international travel.

The only knock I have on the magic of Ireland is it's cold.

I understand why the Irish spend so much time in Pubs drinking Guinness and Jameson singing songs and dancing. They're trying to stay warm.

I hate cold with everything in me.

Clad in black running shorts, sitting on the beloved back deck watching Fran's thousand shades of green dance in the ocean breeze, I'm baptizing myself in the sunshine.

Diagnosed with cold weather infirmities I'm drugged up, drinking loads of "Sparkling Water" and listening to Beach music convinced that healing begins with the mind.

Believe it and it will come true.

If being a beach bum isn't enough being sick gives me the another excuse to not do anything I don't want.

There's not much I want to do today.

People in Ireland are whiter than most and I found myself acclimating so now I'm working on my tan to get real brown again.

Short aside ... Sarah and I found a sauna in Ireland and went in with the locals.

Bikini clad Sarah's the only woman sitting in steam, dripping in sweat, a guy stares at her finally asks, "Where ye from?"

Everybody in Ireland asks this and after we tell him he nods, points at our skin and says, "I can see."

It was a great moment.

This is a better one.

It's a day to heal from the inflictions of the past, to enjoy the gifts I have now and to dream for tomorrow.

That's the plan.

Enjoy whatever you're doing!

Whatever's next!

"Mike what do you think I ought to do?"

"About what Dad?" I ask from the dark hospital room sitting beside my brother David with Mom standing nearby.

Dad sits staring at his hands. Though he'd been unconscious for the better part of a week, he'd been upright since I'd return home two days earlier.

Without looking up he blurts, "I think I'm ready."

How do you know when you're ready?

The Major Prophet George Harrison said, after a bout with Cancer and then being stabbed by an intruder, "Well, when you've been through something like that you ask yourself, 'What would it be like if I left body in an hour? What would I miss?' ... well," he muses, "I have a son and a boy needs a father but ... other than that ... I don't think I'll miss anything."

It isn't to say he, or my Dad, didn't really enjoy life, making the most of it, loving many and getting it back in return but they had come to a point when they were ready for whatever's next.

It's also not to say leaving those they loved was easy.

Dad agonized over it until he finally asked our permission in the Hospital that day. We gave him our  blessing and three days later he moved on to whatever's next.

George's wife Olivia describes his passing as a  room being lit.

On the other hand, I've witnessed lots of people hang on to life ... refusing to let go ... not saying goodbye ... afraid to lose what they've got because they're terrified of what's next.

These were painful, long and excruciating deaths leaving family and friends traumatized.

What's next?

Is it Heaven or Hell?

Do we get another chance and come back somehow or do the lights simply go out and that's it?

Honestly nobody knows ... though every single one of us believe in one these options.

I take great solace in Dad stunning us as he struggled with the reality he was ready for whatever's next but needed our support.

Never one to mince his words or refuse an opportunity to gain a higher level of consciousness, George Harrison seems as though he couldn't wait to get on with it.

I'm not there yet ... it's taken Sarah and I this whole life to get to where we are so I'm in no hurry ...  I'd miss too many and too much if I died right now.

And I'm not worried about whatever's next.

Whatever next is.

The Real Ireland

I'm never ready to come home.

Even though this was Sarah's destination choice ... it just never occurred to me to go to Ireland ... it's not my temperate zone, it rains a lot and it's quite the haul to get there, there's a lot I love about Ireland.

I don't know if we'll ever be back but I'm grateful for the sheer joy of being here.

It wasn't perfect, largely because I've been sick on the last leg but that's no one's fault and in spite of hacking, coughing, and spitting up ... I've crossed the Valley of the Druids ... saw fairy stones ... held on for dear life on a cliff above the ocean at Mizzen Head ... the list goes on.

As the sickness began its initial invasion we wander into "The Markey Pub" where Tom, Tom and Patrick held court with hilarious Irish ballads.

The tiny place is packed as Sarah grabs the last two stools at the bar and we're immediately greeted by those standing around drinking while shouting and singing with the band.

Old Tom plays a mandolin and harmonica. Patrick, also called Mick, is the lead singer/accordion player and conducts the room as though the conductor of an orchestra. Young Tom plays guitar, looks like Rick Derringer immediately takes a break to refill his glass to meet Sarah.

American ladies dance with locals. Laughter is the common language. Guinness is the Communion Wine. Pretty Molly Malone is remembered in song.

"Come play with us," Tom exclaims dragging me to the corner and giving me his guitar.

After handshakes and welcomes Mick says, "Well go on then. Play us one."

As I begin strumming chords the crowd grows deafening quiet and sweat breaks on my brow, the accordion falls in with the guitar filling the Pub with sound.

Old Tom picks the high notes while young Tom bangs a drum.

I sing the first verse which ends with the words "God don't own a car" and Mick stops playing and puts his arm around me smiling.

A short song lasts fifteen minutes because of numerous solos, verses sang repeatedly as they pick up the words and incessant handclapping by the Pub.

When we finish the entire Markey Pub explodes in applause, new pints of Guinness are poured, the entire band hugs me and we talk while everyone gets ready for the next song.

I stand to leave but young Tom and Mick jerk me back down.

It's a holy and humble moment and Holy Water fills my eyes.

Afterwards men in the Pub embrace me as they shake Sarah's hand speaking in brogue so thick we struggle to understand.

Of everything we experienced in Ireland, being accepted as one their own was most precious.

Later when we left it was like leaving a family reunion where there's always one more handshake ... another hug ... petition to stay for one more.

We'd found the real Ireland. 

Ashford Castle

I was going to share how we've discovered the secret to immediate life long happiness and prosperity here in Ireland but at 10:00 last night we were "invited" into Ashford Castle.

Now I can't recall those secrets.

We did have a rip roaring good time though.

A tuxedo clad guitarist and a pianist wearing an evening gown sang sad Irish ballads and happy jigs.

Twelve year old Jameson was involved.

Sometime in the middle of the night we strolled home through the forest under an almost full moon swaying and laughing.

We became official members of the "Order of the Sleepless Knights."

Now I'm trying to remember how to drink coffee so I'll have to get back to you on gaining immediate eternal happiness and prosperity.

As soon as I recall what what it is.

I can say if you ever get invited to a Castle ... GO!

Sticks and Stones

Settled at a prime table beside the bar in Fitzpatrick's Pub in Doolin, Sarah and I were enjoying the Irish ballads when I felt something furry being stuffed between my back and the chair.

Before I could turn around, his arms were patting my waist as he said, "It's too crowded and there's no place for my coat! Alright if I leave it here?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I didn't mind.

That's when he noticed Sarah and no longer gave a damn about his coat.

"Hi Doug," she said to the big, burly red headed Irishman over the noise.

"I'm not Doug," he laughs downing a third of a pint in the first gulp.

"That's Doug," he said pointing to a man at the bar. "I'm Richard."

"That's alright," Sarah laughs, "I was shooting the shat!"

Roaring with laughter, Richard smells of the earth, has massive dirty hands and I can't tell when's the last time he brushed his teeth.

"What do you do?" I ask.

"Surf," he grins. "I like to ride the big waves."

It never dawned on me there are surf shops in Ireland but they're everywhere.

"Hey ya cock," he says staring at my half eaten Salmon, greens and potatoes. "Don't you want to be healthy?"

Scooping up the greens with one hand he stuffs them in his mouth like he's Popeye eating spinach.

Sarah's expression is frozen before she explodes into laughter.

"I rarely finish a meal," I explain.

"That's what makes you a cock," he roars grabbing the salmon and stuffing it in mouth.

Finished eating, Richard turns his complete attention to Sarah standing perilously close as they launch into a dialogue about the Garda, the country's police force.

"Ah, the women are rough," he tells her as he admires everything about her. "They be the ones that hurt you."

The Pub grew increasingly crowded but after a full day of travel I was fading fast.

By now Richard's rolling a cigarette spying girls searching for a seat and he strikes out to help them.

I pay the bill and as we make our way outside, I interrupt whatever he's telling them to say, "I'm done watching your coat."

He roars with laughter and calls me a cock.

An Unexpected Visit

"Want a pint of Guinness?"

"Two," she says holding up dirty fingers.

"What are you doing here?" I ask handing her a pint of the dark foamy brew.

"Why are you here?" she asks downing a pint in a single gulp then burping in my face.

"Right?" I say taking a sip of my Guinness. "In a million years I never thought I'm come to Ireland but here I am! It was Sarah's idea. You know me I'd much rather head south but it's my wife's birthday and she's always wanted to come."

"I don't care," she snaps taking a drag from a cigarette that magically appears.

After another sip I ask, "I thought you were spending all of your time with Jimmy Cochran."

Rolling her eyes, my Guardian Angel orders a shot of Jammisen and I see she's not as dirty as she usually is, her broken wing if colorfully duct taped in place and she seems to have put on some weight as the blue robe is not sliding down her right shoulder.

"I had to get away from him," she spits. "He spent all of his time chastising me for cussing and drinking, wants me to attend a friggen Baptist Church him and was always preaching at me."

"He tried to reform an Angel?"

"Right?" she says sipping the second pint.

"Can't you report him or something to St. Peter?"

"I did", she sighs, "but he just told me to handle it."

"What are you going to do?"

Leaning forward and poking the cigarette in my face she says, "I thought I'd hang out with you. You're let me be the Angel I need to be to keep your ass straight."

"No, no,  no, no," I say holding up my hand. "This is Sarah's birthday trip! You are not going to screw it up!"

"You sound just like Jimmy Cochran," she sighs.

"Tell you what," I say. "Leave Sarah and I alone until next week when we're home and you and I'll have cocktails on the Beloved Back Deck and you can tell me all about it."

"I suppose," she sighs.

"Good," I say slapping my hands together. "Now get the Hell out of here! Sarah's waiting on me so we can hear the band."

My Guardian Angel's lip quivers.

"No, no, no, no," I say holding up my hand again. "You're not going to cry!"

A lone tear rolls down her dirty face.

"Oh fine," I say, "Come on and join us but I'm not telling Sarah. You have to tell her."

She smiles. "Sarah's a saint. She won't care."

"Fine. Let's roll!"

"Let's go to O'Conners," she says. "It's a better Pub."

"How would you know?" I ask.

"We have quarterly meetings there."

"Great," I sigh looking for Sarah in the crowd.

Ireland in the Stream

The greens of Ireland are beyond anything I could ever imagine.

The entire country is a blanket of green beginning on the highest mountains descending to lonely beaches in empty bays.

Everything is in bloom ... flowers of every color ... Palm Trees grow here ... Monkey Trees ... every possible color taints the island.

It's cold here ... much further north of New York City on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean ... so I can't help but wonder how Tropical vegetation dots the island in abundance.

Ireland sits in the middle of the Gulf Stream.

There's nothing more magical in the world than it to me.

An current of warm water flows like a river from the tip Florida off the east coast up to Canada then across the ocean to Europe. Ireland is an island in the middle of the Gulf Stream.

The island's as enchanted as everyone claims but it's not because of Leprechauns ... it's because of the Gulf Stream.

It's the Key West or Havana of the northern Atlantic.

For the past two days we traveled the coasts of Ireland, the Ring of Kerry and the Dingle Peninsula, sparsely populated with quaint fishing villages and majestic views of the Atlantic. This is the land of the ancient Druids and I feel a spiritual connection to the land.

Ruins dot green mountain landscapes and I marvel at the people who spent generations building stone homes, beehives, farms and monuments.

It was the Gulf Stream that drew them here and it is what sustains this land.

We've taken to looking for Monkey Trees and Palms, tropical vegetation in the most unlikely of places.

Today we continue along the coast, ferrying to out islands, where today I plan on tipping my toes in the Gulf Stream, a piece of home ... half way around the world.

Sarah's Laugh

His mouth moved a beat or two behind the music but the joy erupting from it beat anybody's in the Pub singing in time.

Stephen has Downs Syndrome with ears bent slightly forward and eyes set slightly back and he screams to his Uncle Patrick who he obviously adores, "I know she's tempting but she's married."

Sarah's been adopted into an Irish family and Uncle Patrick is hitting on her.

I'm lost in the music not paying them any attention at all.

Wandering into Dunloe Lodge, a Pub in Kilaraney Ireland filled with families finishing up Sunday, Soccer teams done playing and lonely men looking for lonely women as they sit waiting for another drink before deciding.

Sarah's laughter is a magical thing and draws me away from the music to them.

Laughing with Stephen's mother arm draped over her shoulder Sarah delights being the center of attention.

In addition to being adored by the Irish, Mike and his Canadian tourist friends are also hitting on Sarah.

"If her husband has to take you outside," Stephen laughs, "I don't have your back!"

"What about that French lady?" Uncle Patrick points to a woman sitting at the bar.

Stephen looks at her then back to Sarah and Patrick, "NO! She's just nice."

The woman looks away annoyed at the pronouncement.

The band has the crowd in a frenzy playing old Irish songs everyone knows and sings. A guitar, accordion and bass are ministers of ancient things and couples twirl madly to the music in the crowd. Pints of Guinness are everywhere. It is a wild ending to Sunday and I wonder how everyone goes to work tomorrow.

When they break the bass player makes straight to me, robustly shakes my hand asking, "You're a player aren't ye? Why don't ye come on up and sing us one?"

Suddenly filled with pride, I break into a grin while shaking my head from side to side.

"No, you are owning the place! We're honored just to be here."

The old man grins and hugs me before disappearing in the crowd.

Sarah's laughter joins the choir of Patrick, Stephen and his mother.

Irish Pubs are like attending family reunions where long lost cousins delight in finding one another again in joyous celebration. We're the only Americans in the room though it seems we're Irish tonight, embraced by a people who easily laugh infecting us with a joy rarely seen back home.

Mizen Head

I couldn't keep my eyes open though I was trying with everything to keep watching giant waves crash fifty feet high hitting the jagged cliffs half a mile below.

Standing on the lookout stand of the last Lighthouse on the southern most tip of Ireland is one of the most incredible things I've done in life!

And I've been fortunate enough to have done some pretty cool things.

Mizen Head is a lookout point once used to guide ships from around the world to Europe.

In a blustery cold wind after a long days ride through the barren side of the island and lunch at O'Sullivan's in a harbor town of 40 year round residents.

Toasted cheese sandwiches, sweet potato soup with chili and seafood chowder in a tiny seaside Pub fortified us for the mile long hike to the Lighthouse standing teetering on the edge of the mountain with majestic views of the Atlantic Ocean meeting the Irish Sea before slamming into mountains exploding from the sea.

Walking through the Light keeper's House we wondered how men survived the loneliness of the post with the singular job of tending the light, forever repairing the buildings from the ravages of the wind and writing in the journal everything that happened when mostly nothing did.

Around the Lighthouse itself is a gangplank stretching out over the sea where we could walk into the 60 mile-an-hour wind holding onto the railing ... one with nature,

It's as exhilarating as anything I've every done!

"What a birthday present!" Sarah exclaims after she returns from the gangplank, her long brown hair blowing in every direction as though she's stuck her finger in the light socket.

Afterwards were glasses of Jamison to warm our bodies and toast the experience.

Ireland is as beautiful a land as ever imagined with it's lush green landscapes, beautiful harbors, colorful villages and ragged mountains.

But it is the people who make this journey special. Warm, friendly, funny and inviting they are quick to start conversation.

Stumbling into a thousand year old church, we're immediately confronted by Lilly, an 85 year old woman who lives with her son the Church Keeper. He forced her to move in with her so he could "take care of her" in her older years.

"That's nice," Sarah says as Lilly has hold of her arm.

"Naw, the boy couldn't mind a kettle of tea."

Strolling into any Pub is akin to attending a family reunion.

This is our routine. Experience the island's beauty in the morning ... find a quaint Pub for lunch ... enjoy the company of others while exploring the towns and villages ... before finding another Pub in the evening.

Kissing the Blarney Stone was magical but Mizen Head was holy!

Today I'm joining others for Mass before diving into the joys of Ireland again.

Kissing the Blarney Stone

Kissing the Blarney Stone is not at all what I thought it would be.

I'd envisioned something akin to a Catholic Priest kissing the Bible after the Gospel reading during Mass ... sacred, righteous, pure and holy.

Instead I'm hanging upside down off the top of a several hundred year old castle with a man almost as old holding my legs so I won't fall 350 feet below.

That's how you kiss it.

This was after making the pilgrimage up the castle stairs which are long, hard, cold, damp and increasingly narrow the higher I go.

Come to think about it ... kissing the Blarney Stone IS A LOT is a lot like religion.

Both require acts of faith.

The Blarney Stone may have been brought to Ireland by the Prophet Jeremiah who left it to bless the generations or ... it could be made up to become the 9 Euro ($14/adult) tourist destination it is today.

Who knows?

Who cares?

Unless it's you ... and where you choose to put your faith.

Kissing the Blarney Stone (for a small price) is supposed to give you the gift of gab ... meaning great eloquence, the gift of flattery or ... you're suddenly masterful at bullshitting.

I choose to believe it because Blarney Castle is a magical place to visit, the walk up the castle stairs requires major investment on my part, an old man being the only thing preventing me from falling to my death requires faith and I look forward to the rewards I'll receive for believing.

Though it really is the same with religion.

I believe in God and the Bible, Church or Synagogue are magical places requiring investment, words spoken by the  person in the pulpit are taken at face value, if I do the right things I'm not supposed to go to Hell and afterwards I'll gain rewards that are Heavenly.

I think it's better to believe than not making my way through life.

It's the ultimate act of faith.

All of those times when God is quiet and doesn't deliver on the things we beg for; when we unexpectedly inflicted with cancer or other illness; friends disappear or let us down when they're needed most; jobs are lost and our securities become threadbare and fragile; the church lets us down ... any of these things can cause us to lose faith.

Each can make us cynical and not longer believe in goodness, magic, miracles, deliverance and the conviction that someone's always got our back even when no one's behind us.

So I kiss the Blarney Stone as a testimony to the things I believe.

Regardless of the fact that I already have the gift of gab, am pretty eloquent, make people feel better and am quite the bullshitter.
_____________________

Today is also Sarah's birthday and we're celebrating the incredible gift of her life in Ireland. She kissed the Blarney Stone too but I still believe it when she says she loves me. Happy Birthday y love!

A fine beginning

The thing about staying awake for the better part of two days is when you do go to bed you sleep really well.

Our harbor view room in the Commodore Hotel has two massive windows, one of which opens so I crawled outside on the balcony to suck in the salt air and admire the views before jumping into the shower.

Somehow before going to bed Sarah and I made our way through the colorful and lovely village of Cobh, a harbor town with a much slower pace than the island of Tybee where we live.

Each of the shops are pastel colors collectively looking like a rainbow floating on the water from the sea.

The Cathedral is a massive assembly of gray stone literally built on the shore.

The Titanic boarded it's last victims here and dark monuments to their lives litter the colorful streets.

Supper was in "The Tradewinds," a lovely bistro with a downstairs bar through upstairs is a very fine European restaurant with delightful harbor views.

My steak smothered in red and yellow peppers and a rick thick gravy was delightfully tender without as being hearty while Sarah enjoyed beef stroganoff.

"I'll have the creamy tart," I order for afters.

"You'll have the what mate?" our gregarious waitress Jackie laughs. "Creamy tarts you say?"

"What?," I deadpan, "are there not creamy tarts in this town?"

Hallowing with laughter Jackie throws an arm over my shoulder and saying, "I'll be using that for the next month deary."

Afterwards we hit the Pub though honestly all I recall is listening an elderly well dressed Irishman tell me about his trip to America.

Crawling across the creaky floor to our tiny European bed where Sarah's skyping her girls, I reach over to give her a kiss but fall asleep before I successfully deliver the love message.

The dreams afterwards were quite powerful through.

'Twas a fine start to this marvelous journey.

What a fine girl!

The first thing I notice is the fragrance of the perfumes from the Duty Free store on the International Concourse.

Immediately the travel molecule within

my DNA sniffs itself to full life and ... I'm gone again!

At this moment I'm sitting in a Pub in Cobh, Ireland singing, "Brandy you're a fine girl! What a good wife you would be."

I never met Brandy but I'm pretty certain this is where she lived and that song was written here.

God what a lovely little harbor town.

"Angela's Ashes" by Frank McCormick was filmed here so if you've read the book or seen the movie you know it's a quaint colorful little European village.

I know ... I know ... I live at the beach and am now halfway around the world in another beach town.

It's not my fault.

It's Sarah's!

It's my wife's birthday and otherwise I would never have come.

But dammit this is a happy little place!

Plus I'm wearing my Sam Adman's Bar Church Band tee shirt, blue jeans and flip flops ... styling like I normally do.

Birthday girl is upstairs sound asleep in bed.

I can't blame her.

It took the better part of two days to get here.

But it's time to get her up.

As much as I hate to leave this view ... and the company ... her eyes could steal a sailor from the sea.

A Birthday Begins

It never occurred to me to travel to Ireland.

Had I been driving past and saw a sign indicating it was a few miles away I would taken the left to see what's there.

I've ended up in lots of funny places noticing I was nearby and telling myself, "Well, you should go."

Standing in Prague, one of the world's most beautiful cities, I told Bill Berry (not the former drummer for REM but the other one) that we were only a nights train ride away from Poland.

I told him we had to go.

He told me to ... INSERT VERB HERE ... you!

But we ended up going and it was a life altering experience.

Now today I'm intentionally going to Ireland.

It's on Sarah's bucket list and I love Sarah ... plus it's her birthday and I didn't have anything picked out.

There are things I already like about Ireland ... John Lennon's song "The Luck of the Irish" ... Van Morrison ... Celtic Christian writer John O'Donohue ... Celtic Christianity in general ... Druids ... the fact that St. Patrick's Day is a holiday in Savannah ... and I'm part of a group of friends who are all Irish Catholic except me.

Mitch Wesley loves Ireland and Celtic Christianity and I love Mitch so ... I don't know what that has to do with anything but I'm certain it fits in somehow.

I do love pubs and good live music though and there are lots of both in Ireland.

Finally Ireland is an island and of course Islands are the only place I really want to go ... I just never imaged visiting one this far north.

Our bed looks like two Dry Cleaning trucks had a collision as Sarah packs and I've been ordered to stay the Hell away until she's done.

Then I can pack.

But what do you do when it's the woman you love ... and who saved your ass ... and it's her birthday ... and I'm a terrible shopper ... and it's Mother's Day and her girls had no idea ... and she's consistently gone with me to Caribbean Islands, Central America and on nude cruises ... and willingly became a member of the Carnival of Friends ... and my Irish Catholic friends would kill me if we didn't go ... and it would kill Sarah not to knock something off her bucket list ... and it would kill me for her not to when we can make it happen.

But most of all ... because I love her.

Oh Honey ... your birthday begins now!

Turning Down God's Gifts

"You're going somewhere again? Didn't you just get back?"

Standing beside him paying the bill at Tybee Animal Care, I shrug my shoulders and reply, "Well I suppose I could put if off but I may die before I ever got to go. It would be a shame to be dead and never have seen Ireland."

Then Sarah's 7 year old Cassidy comes home claiming her teacher wants to know why we travel so much?

"Where do they get all of this money?"

Having no idea Cass answers, "My Mom doesn't do anything. My step dad's a writer."

The poor child really is clueless sometimes.

"Do you think he'll come speak to the 1st grade about what it's like to be a writer?" she asks Cass who asks me.

I have no idea how to respond ... because I have absolutely no idea what I would say to a class room of 1st graders ... I imagine "Children's Time" in Church with all of the precious kids come down front to sit at the feet of the minister ... who really is just trying to manipulate them to say something funny so the service won't be as boring as the sermon.

First off, unless you're John Grisham, writers don't make any money.

We're like musicians ... we do it for the love of creating and sharing.

That's not to say I think anybody should put off experiencing life and there's no better way to enjoy living than travel.

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."

So says Mark Twain and I believe him.

I believe it's best to take whatever you've got and see the world now!

Keep going to the places you love, regardless of the cost.

The worst that can happen is you run out of money in a place you love or die before you ever get a chance to spend it actually visiting your dreams.

I've got lots of memories saved up to savor in the Nursing Home if that ever happens.

In the meantime, to Hell with the money, it's time to experience Ireland.

After all, that's why God made it and it's sinful to turn down gifts from God.

Being the Rev

While the ordination was bestowed upon me by a collection of Southern Baptists, including my Granddaddy, the Rev. Ira V. Carver, the title was given by a bunch of homeless guys.

"Hey Rev," says Sonny Broughton, a tiny little man with a very big mouth.

There were five of them who comprised the inner circle introducing me to the world of homelessness.

Chester Fawbush, Lorenz, Bruce, R.P and Sonny, all homeless, were some of the most funny, conniving, creative and wonderful friends and they're the ones who named me "Rev."

"Hey," I ask strolling into the Church social hall converted into a Day Shelter for people with nowhere to go, "have you been drinking?"

"Naw," the elderly Chester replies, "I've already quit six times today."

The others howl and I have no idea whatsoever how to respond.

It was a magic and wonderful time ... until Chester dies ... Bruce falls off a bridge and drowns ... R.P. disappears and Sonny never wakes up from his bed above the bar.

Senseless deaths made me try harder to save homeless people and for 30 years I gave everything I knew how to not lose anymore.

Somehow the name stuck across time and cities.

"Hey Rev, can you ...?" is how most conversations began.

Of course they gave me every bit as much as I gave them.

Once I wanted to gain entry to a private Republican function with lots of security to keep liberals and other non-believers out and standing on the outside I suddenly see someone I know staring me.

"Hey Rev," she calls wearing clean black pants and a crisp white shirt carrying a case of Scotch, "What in the world are you doing here?"

I explain and smiling she boasts, "I can get you in. Carry this!"

Thrusting the Scotch in my hands she orders, "Follow me."

Leading me to the service elevator we ride to the 3rd floor ballroom and ... I'm in ... standing face to face with Newt Gingrich ... who wants a drink.

"Anytime Rev," she says retrieving the Scotch and walks away.

It pays to be the Rev.

Actually I went from being merely "Rev" to "The Rev" when Chicago Bob so christened me on the Pier at Tybee during a "Bored" meeting.

Johnny O, Trolley Joe, Whitley Reynolds, Dean, Ohio Bob and Chicago Bob and I met on the Pier for cocktails, conversations and lots of lies every chance we had. Judy O, Johnny O's wife, thinks we're boring so she christened us "The Bored Meeting."

"Hey," Chicago Bob says sprinting across the Pier to the bar, "it's the Rev! You look great! Who's your mortician?"

Chicago Bob always thought he was funny and the rest of us play along with it.

So, on island, I'm "The Rev."

I don't have to do much.

There's the occasional wedding or funeral (I did both Chicago Bob's and Trolley Joe's on the same Pier) ... if no one can think of anything to say at a public function they'll call on me (unless a politicians around) ... plus I'm an occasional leader at Bar Church ... and people seek me out privately to counsel, lay on hands and pray or just sit and sip in silence because they need someone.

There's  no money in it but it can be as rewarding as Hell!

So I tell you all of that to tell you this.

My wife Sarah ... plays the piano.

My Gay Life

I don't remember in High School.

Integration was happening and, on the football team anyway, blacks and white got along well.

Besides one of my best friends was Paul Walker, a very tall black kid, and we'd crash parties at the Desoto Hilton exchanging dates so we entered the ballroom as interracial couples. The moment we strolled inside everything stopped and you could hear a pin drop.

No one knew what to say in those uncomfortable days so nobody said anything.

Paul and I and our dates ate and drank for free before laughing all the way to the Garden City Methodist Church where we parked ... making out until the girls had to be home.

At Georgia Southern I had friends who were gay, one on our Intramural Football Team "The Smokey Jays" and never really thought much about it.

I was busy working, going to school and my son had been born so there wasn't a lot of free time to wonder about differences.

But in Seminary my world changed!

In the early 80s there was AIDS.

Inexplicably I was the "Professional Christian" in charge of an inner city church where I was intensely focused on Ronald Regan's exploding homeless population.

AIDS scared everyone more and landlords were evicting gay tenants left and right who were sick and had nowhere to go.

Some heard about a hippy preacher who helped people find a place to stay so they came to me.

Young, naïve, with a good heart and high hopes, I believed in Jesus and everything he did so I did my best to help.

And I entered another universe.

People in love ... or desperate for it ... faced discrimination like I had never seen and God forbid if you were both black and gay because churches of all colors were so lovingly hypocritical.

"GOD DID NOT CREATE ADAM AND STEVE," an African-American preacher bellows as I integrated his congregation. GOD MADE ADAM AND EVE AND THAT'S THE WAY IT'S ORDAINED TO BE!"

"What a shit head," I remember thinking.

So in Louisville, Kentucky in the 80s and Savannah, Georgia in the 90s and 00's a big part of my life ... a big part of my heart ...was spent helping the gay community become one with the rest of us.

We opened Glade House in Louisville and Phoenix Place in Savannah so people with AIDS had a home when their own families kicked them out.

As important we helped "out" gay people through the St. Jude's Guild in Louisville and First City Network in Savannah.

I'm very proud to have played a small part in these things.

So this weekend, Sarah and I are celebrating "The Rainbow Festival" on Tybee Island where we live.

We are full of Gay pride!

"Red and yellow, black and white," keeps running through my head, "Lesbian or gay, transgender or any ol' way ... all are precious in his sight ... Heaven's come to us today!"

Amen!

And thank God!

The You Inside of Me

I studied my face in the mirror
And the lines are deeper these days
Cause the world is so full of sharp edges
And it cuts me in so many ways
But I’m hanging in and I hope you're not thinking
it's worse than it might appear
12:15 on New Year's Day
and I haven't shed a tear all year

I love the images of these lines from Jim Morris's song (12:15 on New Year's Eve).


They fit me these days.

Sometimes you can wear a song.

The lines on my face are deep right now.

The world has definitely left its marks.

Though I may look worse for the wear I'm still hanging in there.

I'm older than I used to be ... larger ... with thinner hair ... wounds take longer to heal ... and good friends have disappeared.

At the same time I'm as youthful in the way I approach things as ever ... I like the way I look ... my hair's as long as ever ... my wounds have scars ... and the friends I have are damn good ones.

I'm still regularly accused of being naïve ... romantic ... with incredibly unrealistic hopes.

Honestly, there are times I wonder about God and I ask questions out  loud.

Why the silence?

Where are you when I really need you?

"My God! My God! Why hast thou forsaken me?" you own son says as he dies deader than a doornail.

You can't be any quieter than when you're dead and maybe that's why Jesus went there ... to speak in the idiom of the other ... to communicate without words ... to embrace silence and meet God on Her own terms.

I don't want to take it quite that far ... though I am pretty quiet today ... staring at the lines on my face ... looking at the you inside of me.

No Not One

"You've offended Tony Compolo," Richard tells me on the phone.

Richard is the publisher of my latest book, "A Non-Church Goer's Guide to God" is what it's being called at the moment.

Tony Compolo is the famous "speaker, author, sociologist, pastor, social activist and passionate follower of Jesus."

"What did I do? I ask.

"Well," Richard gravely replies, "When you say 'No Savior will ever sleep in the White House' Dr. Compolo didn't care for it because he's slept in the White House."

"No way," I exclaim like Garth did on "Wayne's World."

"Way," Richard perfectly replies.

"Well," I sigh.

"Yeah we can't get anybody to endorse your book. That's never happened before."

"No way," I say again channeling my inner Garth.

"Way," Richard laughs. "We're putting a positive spin on it. If nobody will endorse your book, it must be good. They're scared of it ... so that's what we going to say."

"You mean none of my Seminary Professors will give me a blurb for the cover?"

"None of them remember you," Richard reports.

"What about Guy Sayles or Bill Berry?" I asks.

"They never returned our calls."

"You know Bill's not the drummer for ..."

"I know," Richard cuts me off. "You've told me."

Tapping my finger tips against my teeth I ponder before asking, "You mean there's not one single person in the world who'll vouch for my book."

"No not one," Richard says laughingly, quoting the old Christian Hymn.

"But you're publishing it anyway?" I say a little determined.

"Yeah, it's the alternative view written by a Baptist Minister about a Baptist Church and how screwed up Baptists are ... and it's funny."

"Alrighty then," I say filled with renewed confidence. "To Hell with Tony Compolo."

"That's the same thing he said about you," Richard says and hangs up.

Then the book was released with my favorite introduction of all my books with an explanation of why nobody in the universe supports anything I have to say.

My Calling

I had vivid dreams about the Jefferson Street Baptist Chapel last night.

It was 30 years ago when I was the 20 something year old Pastor/Director of the inner city Baptist mission post primarily because no one else felt God calling them there.

The whole thing was an accident.

I'd done the "special music" one Sunday morning ... a rousing version of "I Saw the Light" by Hank Williams.

When I finished, a woman with a butcher knife stuck in her apron stood up, spit tobacco juice in a Maxwell House coffee can and yelled, "DO IT AGAIN!"

I suppose the Spirit of God moved her.

When a tobacco spitting woman with a butcher knife asks you to do something it's hard to say, "No."

So I did it again.

Later, in the same service, the minister resigned.

After Church, suddenly surrounded by little old ladies, she spit into her can and said, "You go to Seminary! You be our preacher."

"I don't want to be your preacher," I said shutting my guitar case.

"Tough," she spits. "We want you to be."

Hmmm. This is a tough woman. "I'm not called to be your preacher," I answer.

"We calling you," she spits.

"Shit," I think to myself.

She stares at me with venomous eyes.

"I've never preached a sermon in my life," I confess.

"Can't be any worse than a lot of the crap we've already had to listen to," she replies.

There is no arguing with this woman and I can't think of any other way to decline the calling.

Continuing to stare at me I notice her mouth is furiously working the tobacco plug which bothers me immensely.

I think to myself, "She's going to spit on me if I say "No" and a fear of downing in the Baptismal Pool in tobacco juice overwhelms me.

"Okay," I finally say.

Spitting a giant wad in the Maxwell House coffee can, she grins and says, "Good. Let's go eat."

That's how my calling happened.

I'm sure I've told this story before and my critics will say so but ... good stories merit retelling and it's damn good story.

I would never be where I am now had Buna Wynn not "threatened" me into the ministry.

She's long dead though I suppose there was a "Homecoming Service" somewhere last night and Buna ... being Buna ... was determined I attend.

So that's what happened all freaking night long!

Till I woke up and it's Sarah lying next to me.

Thank God!

Amen and Amen.

Gay Tanning

Winston, The Little Gay Dog (TLGD) prances out on the Beloved Back Deck where I'm sitting naked writing a lustful blog about how Sarah starts pulling her shorts down before she gets to the bathroom.

I'm lusting ... I mean ... concentrating intensely of what I'm doing.

Winston, TLGD, doesn't care jumping up on the table wearing dark sunglasses and a white wife-beater tee-shirt with the colorful words, "Wanna taste the rainbow?"

"What do you want?" I ask full of irritation at my thoughts being interrupted.

Brown eyes peer at me over the top of the shades resting on his brown nose.

"Why don't you like me?" he asks through moist eyes.

"You're a pain in the ass," I mumble.

A lone tear rolls down his brown face.

"Alright," I sigh sitting up. "You're not a pain in the ass. You are a DIVA and you're sometimes a pain in the ass but not all of the time. What is this about?"

His little red tongue licks my hand.

"Oh for God's sake," I say pulling my hand back, "stop being such a drama queen! What's up?"

"You know I love you," he says.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... I love you too. What do you want?"

Sitting down on the table Winston TLGD collects himself before asking, "Why do you throw me off the bed at night?"

"Duh," I explain ... "because you're in the way."

"I'm part of this family too," he says with indignation.

"Well good!" I snap. "Go sleep with the girls."

He sighs and says, "I love Mom."

"I know," I sigh holding up my hand. "I know."

"Well then why do you grab me in the middle of the night and throw me against the wall?" Winston TLGD implores.

"Oh for Christ's sake," I mutter. "Listen! I roll over, put my arm around my wife and grab hold of a big ol' piece of hair that's breathing! Instincts take over and I throw you against the wall."

"It hurts," he cries. "It really hurts."

Standing up dragging my fingers through my long hair I take a stroll around the deck.

The air is warm with the damp hint of rain and salt hangs in the air.

"I have a suggestion," Winston TLGD timidly suggest. "Why don't you sleep with the girls?
"YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH," I explode ... meaning it literally.

"Calm down," he says licking himself. "It was just a suggestion."

"Are we done?" I growl.

 "I believe so," TLGD says standing up and making his way to his little outdoor tanning bed before suddenly turning to say, "will you put some lotion on my back?"

"Oh Jesus Christ," I mutter grabbing the lotion.

"Want to work on your tan too," he asks.

Sarah's still in the bathroom and it's a nice day ... "Yeah, I think so. Put some lotion on my back."

"Ooooohhh," Winston TLGD exclaims, "it's hairy."

"SHUT UP!" I yell.

"BOYS!" we hear Sarah scream from inside.