Bars

The first time that it happened is when I was subpoenaed to court.

I walked in having no clue why I was to be there and there were two pews of homeless guys and as soon as I walked in they collectively yelled…

“REV!”

I waved.

They waved.

I was there as a character witness for about a dozen of them.

My life changed in an instant.

It’s my Dad’s fault. He was a bar guy. I’m a bar guy. We did bars. I still do, preferring Pups over restaurants.

The first Dad I did together was the “Captain’s Lounge”. We split a pitcher and talked about my brother David and his soon to be wife Susan. Then we talked about each other. During my High School years Dad and I had a rough time with one another but that night we made peace and toasted one another with frosty mugs. Not enough Fathers and Sons do such things. Every time that I drive by the Captain’s Lounge I think of this.

In Louisville I was forever wandering in and out of bars surrounding the Jefferson Street Baptist Chapel. This is where I learned public speaking which always leaves you thirsty. One Sunday Ken Sehested, famous radical from Oakhurst Baptist Church in Atlanta, and I discovered that the best beers are the ones downed after delivering the Sunday Sermon. I was hooked after that!

Now I live on Tybee Island where there are 23 places that serve alcohol and four churches. We even have a Bar-Church and when I attend that is where I go! These days I mostly hang out at Fannie-on-the-beach and Bernie’s where Sam Adams and Gordon play good live music.

I was reminded of all of these things last night. It had been a productive day and the most lovely of afternoons. I’d skipped the Bored meeting and, aside from taking Goddess for a walk, had not been outside. Around seven o’clock Goddess was snoring loudly and there was no one to talk with and the talking heads on television were not good company. I decided to take myself out for dinner.

Strolling into Nicki’s a crowd of people turned around and yelled out loud …”REV!”

I smiled and waved back and took a seat at the bar. Rita leaned over and pecked me on the check with a hello and handing me a glass of wine at the same time. About half the room came over to shake my hand and ask how I was doing?

The empty seat beside me was soon occupied by Alan who fishes every morning in the surf. He is long retired from whatever it was he did. On Tybee nobody cares what you did.

“Micheal,” he whispered in my ear with an arm slung over my shoulder, “I’m getting lazy. That’s why you haven’t seen me fishing lately. I’m gonna get un-lazy though because I miss our talks.”

I nodded. Alan moved on and Richard who bends nails for a living when he can find work walked over with a woman. “Rev, this is my sister. I want y’all to meet.”

I shook her hand and we chatted for a few minutes before they moved on.

A hand suddenly rested on my shoulder from behind a voice that sounded like the guy in “Slingbalde” spoke. “Rev,” said Gordon. He smiled broadly and we talked about Bar Church for a minute.

Then I had some time to myself. Propping my feet against the bar and leaning back in my chair, I surveyed the entire room at once. Couples were softly talking while holding hands. Friends were shooting pool and laughing. Several thoughtfully ate their meals. A collection surrounded the juke box choosing the background music.

And I was reminded again why I love it here. When I stood to leave the entire room turned to watch and yelled in union “LATER REV!”

Walking home I could hear the ocean singing its song and my feet were so light it was as though they were bouncing on a fine trampoline.

My Teaching Career

I heard from my friend Phyllis this morning. I first met her when I was teaching a class at Savannah State University, a historical black college. Somehow the administration there lost their collective minds and had me teach a class on “Community Organizing” which is one of the things that I did for a living. Phyllis was one of my students.

The first day of class I strolled in as the lone white person in the room and announced that advocates must make themselves known. As a result I would not be taking roll but if I didn’t know your name by the end of the semester you would fail the class.

The class met twice so it could have been a daunting task for a shy student when there were over twenty people in the class.

Not for Phyllis. She would show up with a name plate on her desk one day and a tiara on her head the next week that spelled it out. Sweatshirts with her name on it and a banner too. She was relentless.

Whenever I called on her she would say “Phyllis here sir,” answer whatever the question was and conclude with “Phyllis reporting sir.”

I learned who she was before anybody else.

It was a good class and naturally I got them in trouble. Telling them that community organizers need money, the assignment was to develop their own fund raising plan and carry out to see how much money they could raise. I offered no help in devising or influencing the plan.

A few Saturdays later, girls in bikinis lined the circle at State holding signs over their heads that read “TOPLESS CAR WASHES.”

A traffic jam quickly ensued with students wanting their cars washed.

And the class responded by taking their money and washing everything except the top of the car.

I gave them all an “A”.

The following Monday I was summoned to the President’s office where my teaching career was quickly in jeopardy.

“Don’t ever do anything like that again,” I remember being told …not for the first time in my life so it was like water on a duck’s back.

At the time State’s dorms were not in the best of shape. The class told me that they wanted to organize against the college to get better dorms.

I love a challenge and this was a great one.

So on WTOC the CBS affiliate that night was a story of students chaining themselves to a dorm in of renovations.

I gave them all an “A”.

The following Monday I was again summoned to the Principal’s …er…I mean President’s office where I was informed that my contract would be renewed.

So a great teaching career came to an end.

But I hired Phyllis at Union Mission.

And pretty much the rest of the class too.

The Gift of this Day

The sun burst out of the ocean blazing like the eye of God! 12th Street was bathed in golden sunshine and Goddess’ yellow coat was electric in luminosity. She didn’t walk as much she danced.

I held my hand up and looked and particles from the golden streets of heaven were showering on me. I could actually see them hitting my arm and the shadows of the dark places were pushed back into the ground behind us. We just stood there for the longest time trying to take it all in.

Choirs of birds were singing hymns in harmony. Squirrels darted around like church ushers chasing collections. The trees which are the pillars of the Cathedral that God built were adorned with white egrets. The brown marsh grass bowed in prayer. The holy waters of baptism rose in celebration of the gift of this day.

Such a day demanded that normal routines be damned so Goddess and I continued the walk along the Back River. Sniffing below at everything and leaping up towards the choirs of birds when they flew by, Goddess was in no hurry. She was enjoying it as much as I was.

Making our way back home I sigh. There is much that I have to do. I’d rather keep walking. But the demands of the world most often eclipse the gifts of God.

When that happens, Caesar takes charge and force poor Joe’s to ride on their ass even with pregnant wives … Taxes are more important and collections mean everything.

Stoning occurs every day in the country’s Capitol or in daily blues that is thrown in the front yard.

Crucifixions are given top honors on the nightly news.

And the world dances in glee when someone is caught with their pants down.

We all live in both worlds at the same time.

Every day we all have to choose where we want to focus our energies.

My dear friends Mary Ann and Mitch are big believers in Celtic Christianity, part of which believes in the dark places where roots take hold, conceptions occur and Saviors rise from the dead.

I appreciate their perspective but … I’m tired of dark.

I’m sick of Caesar … the hypocrisy of judgment … the daily crucifixions that we all get to witness … elected officials who believe they are leaders merely because they’re the only ones willing to run for office…and Fox News.

I’m sick of the dark.

So I ignore the demands of the world and sit on the beloved back deck. Goddess is at my feet snoring. God continues to rain the tiny pieces of heaven down on me. I try to decide what’s more important … managing through the paperwork or enjoying … this.

Ignore all that I feel obligated to do or appreciate what God is giving me?

My I-phone buzzes. It is someone I love who had hard and dark times thrust into life. Stupid shit that had to have been dealt with! She’s tired and I ache for her. Yet as we chat she tells me this story of laughter. The eye God looks into any situation and reminds us that dark places are always overcome in luminosity.

I hang up and my I-phone buzzes again.

There is a blizzard in Pittsburg. Most of the work that I have to do today involves that place. “Hundreds of commuters are inching through it while the business of Pittsburgh is conducted on cell phones,” is how friend Jim Withers put it.

Looking up, a blanket of clouds has covered the sun.

The winds of Caesar blow through the Palm Trees.

I rub Goddess.

Today is this incredible gift from God. I think that I’m going to spend it with her.

And the eye of God bursts through the clouds blazing at us like the sun.

Salty Saints

Sitting in the one room log cabin hidden behind the giant fence of bamboo, Will D. Campbell spit tobacco juice into the spittoon. I was sitting across from him wearing blue jeans, a flannel shirt and cowboy boots. He was dressed like a Puritan, all in black including a felt hat. Large glasses rested on top of his large nose. We were talking about church and I’d just asked him if he attended when he spit before answering.

“You mean to those Steeple things?” he replied.

I laughed. Will is one of the most interesting people that I’ve ever met. He is famously many things. He is a graduate of Yale Divinity School; worked closely with Martin Luther King, Jr., with the World Council of Churches, and as Chaplain to the Klu Klux Klan after Martin was assassinated (he was trying to love his enemies).

He then quit all of this and wrote a book, “Brother to a Dragonfly” about his experiences and theology, and it was a National Book Award finalist. He kept writing books and giving speeches and became a minor prophet of the Southern Baptist (who have produced only one major prophet --- Clarence Jordan).

And he hung around cool people like Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings and Tom T. Hall. They gathered together most weekends to play music and talk. Will was their Chaplain.

We’d met several months earlier through a mutual friend and Will had made the trek to Louisville, Kentucky and we made the Seminary folks mad by not telling them. He spoke at Jefferson Street Baptist Chapel where I was employed as a professional Christian (getting paid to do what I asked others to do for free).

He showed up with a guitar dressed like a Puritan and stared his sermon by singing “Red Neck, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer.” Then he sat down and talked about people being church to each other and that buildings are not required. Every radical Seminarian and a lot of homeless people were howling in the audience.

The Seminary paid good money to have him come do the same thing several weeks later though they remained miffed at me (I seemed to always be in trouble there).

So I’d made the trek to Mt. Juliet Tennessee because my first book was about to be published and I was asking the famous author if he would write the preface. He did and his name is bigger on the cover of “The Society of Salty Saints” than mine. It ended up being a very successful book telling the story of a rag tag congregation comprised of homeless people, addicts, hookers and radical seminarians.

After that Will called me one time and asked if I’d ever heard of “The Committee of Southern Churchmen”? Of course, I was a radical seminarian! It was a group of seven different clergy from seven different brands of faith who tried to influence things, especially during the Civil Rights Movement.

“Good,” Will said “then call this number collect and ask them to accept the charges.”

“OK,” I said, because it was Will D. freekin Campbell.

So I dialed and asked the operator who asked whoever answered the phone if they would accept the charges for a collect call from Micheal Elliott.

There was a long pause, a snort, a loud burp, the sound of ice in a glass and then a man’s voice said, “Yes.”

Then he hung up.

I called Will back and told him. “That’s Great!” he said, “You’re in!” Then he hung up.

So I tell you all of that to tell you this.

I’m sitting on my beloved back deck remembering these things. Salt from the ocean hangs in the air. My feet are bare and I’m seriously considering finding a hula-hoop today because that is the kind of thing that people who live on Tybee Island do.

At Bar-Church a couple of weeks ago, my friend Johnny O, who is one of the greatest heathens ever to preach was preaching. The Church takes place in a bar that is somehow converted into a church for an hour. There is no Steeple. At the end of his remarks Johnny O said something like “Don’t let anybody tell that this isn’t a real church. It is! And those people are full of crap.”

Johnny O channeled Will. D. Campbell.

Who knew?

So Harry Chapin’s “All My Life’s A Circle” is playing on Pandora on my I-Phone. And I sit here with my feet propped on the deck and find myself nodding. I started with Salty Saints in Louisville. It was a different brand of salt, trying to preserve things and such.

Now it’s salt that sticks to your skin and works its way into your veins.

But it’s the people regardless of the kind of salt. Most all are Saints who do church in the oddest of ways and in the strangest of places. And you can’t help but love them. As you feel loved.

The Girlfriends

Dedra, Goddess and I were standing on Shirley’s sad little holy dock when Shirley made an epiphany and materialized out of thin air. This is a rare and religious experience because while Shirley has a house around the corner from mine she is rarely seen there. That’s because she runs Tybee Island, United Way, most of Chatham County and is now expanding into Effingham County, Georgia.

The four of us stood there talking and laughing surrounded by brown marsh grass, a waning tide, brilliant blue sky and a bright yellow sun. I wore running shorts with a tee shirt and had no shoes on my feet. Dedra and Shirley were dressed as though they were preparing to go to Iceland. Goddess of course was wearing her fur coat.

Anyway Shirley gave us a message from on high that “The Girlfriends” were singing at Doc’s Bar and we should come. Then Shirley disappeared into thin air and was gone as suddenly as she had appeared.

If Shirley tells you to do something you’re pretty much doomed that it’s going to happen because she runs most everything anyway.

Doc’s is Tybee’s oldest bar. Sitting in the middle of Tybrisa Street, which used to be 16th Street and is preceded by 15th Street and followed by 17th Street, but for some reason Shirley decided it should be named Tybrisa.

And so it came to pass.

Doc’s is a dump with a bumper pool table and a bar. So it is one of the most popular places on the island. There are many famous stories about Doc’s but my favorite was the last time that a Hurricane was blowing towards Tybee. The island was evacuated but Doc’s decided it was the perfect time for a party…a hurricane party. So a bunch gathered and nailed the door shut from the inside. Then they raided the bar and got collectively wasted.

Shirley must have been a part of the hurricane party and decided that she really didn’t want a hurricane to come to Tybee so at the last moment it changed course and slammed into Charleston, South Carolina.

So last night Dedra and I strolled down 16 …er…I mean Tybrisa Street (Now I have to say three Hail Shirley’s) into a very packed Doc’s. We grabbed air space next to the bumper pool table.

The Girlfriends is a singing group comprised of Sandy (rumored to be the sister of Shirley though surely she is illegitimate), Susan and Jamie. Barri runs the sound system (Barri and I have lived together twice but that’s another story). Wearing pink shirts, black everything else with bobby socks and saddle oxfords, they sing songs from the 1940s into the 1960’s meaning that Sandy, Susan and Jamie haven’t learned anything since that time period.

Nevertheless they are quite entertaining. At some point Shirley made another epiphany and materialized on the dance floor. How could I not take advantage of this opportunity? Having never danced with a Deity I leaped onto the floor, grabbed her by the hand and said, “Keep your back straight and don’t let go.” And we whirled and twirled around smiling and laughing.

As soon as the dance was over though Shirley returned to heaven or wherever it is she spends most of her time.

The Girlfriends continued to bring the house down. People were smiling and laughing and clapping.

And I leaned against Dedra and thought to myself. “Another Saturday night” but …for the moment …I have somebody. It was a sweet feeling as though I had run in from crazed business and a driven life to have someone reach in and fix my windblown hair.

Then it was over. Shirley was gone so there was no reason to hang around anymore. When she left the energy was sucked out of “The Girlfriends” and Sandy, Shirley’s illegitimate sister, could no longer sing.

So Dee and I left. Through I thought I heard them nailing the door shut…from the inside.

The Circle of Friends

I’ve always been blessed with a lot of friends. My morning starts surrounded by them at the Breakfast Club where we all somehow take care of one another while having coffee. Most are working, others of us are watching but all of us are engaged with each other. There are hugs, lays, pats on the shoulder and quiet contemplative moments where we all stare into the vastness of the universe.

It progresses to the Bored Meeting in front of Fannies-On-the-Beach and we toast the ocean, life on the island, Roma’s increasing age, and how funny tourists can be. At the same time when one of us is having a difficult time the rest are there supporting, listening, encouraging or saying “You really are full of it” when we really are and don’t realize it.

Then there is Goddess. Forever exited when I walk through the door, constantly pushing her butt in my face so that I can let love out, doing funny things to make me laugh when laughing is the last thing that I want to do and sleeping in the doorway to my bedroom protecting me from whatever she thinks is going to come after me in the middle of the night. On walks I talk to her as much as I talk to anybody else and she cocks her head to the side to listen and agrees with most everything that I have to say. Not always! Sometimes she makes me take her out when it’s the last thing that I want to do but she knows I need the exercise.

Then there is the “moving parts” community … this collection of changing friends who congregate at various times for no apparent reason. Last night at Bernie’s there were friends from the Breakfast Club, from the Bored meeting, from my college days, neighbors and this strange couple from Savannah who kept us all entertained.

I am one of the fortunate parents who have children who grew up to be friends with me and one another. Individually and collectively we do all of the things that good friends do and I’ve learned how incredibly fortunate I am in this area.

Sometimes I get messages from people who are going through really difficult times, blaming themselves for things going wrong in the relationships that they are in. Hurting and grieving they remain because they fear what will happen if they leave or they leave because it’s easier for them. Leaving comes natural. Friends come and go in their lives. I don’t understand these people so I mostly listen and wonder how they do it.

There is this wider collection who maintains communication through technology and phone calls. They are from everywhere …literally around the world. I’ve been with them for long periods or short periods but we remain persistent in being part of one another’s lives.

Yesterday my friend Dedra showed up. We were friends in college then we took a thirty year vacation from one another. The miracle of Face Book got us back in touch (along with Mark and Mitch) and we realized that the friendship is as good as it ever was. I loved her then but I love her more now.

We just finished a morning start at the Breakfast Club, a walk with the Goddess and had a long talk in doing so … meaning that I did most of the talking. Dee is a really good listener. She soaks in the words and takes a long time pondering them before speaking. She walks away in the middle of a conversation and writes down all of her points on posted notes, spreading them all over the table so that she can make her points when the discussion resumes.

Then there is this one friend. She’s out there somewhere. “One day,” I tell myself, “we’ll be together and the friendships that I have will be blessed with a best friend.” I don’t know.

I just believe.

But I know that she’s there … painting her kitchen or cleaning up a mess or sleeping late or … whatever.

And one day … the circle of friends will be complete.

Say You Will

The last time I wore cowboy boots I lived in Louisville, Kentucky where a lot of preachers thought they were cowboys. For a little while I fell under their sway and got me a really good looking pair of cowgirl boots because I’ve always been in touch with my feminine side.

“The boy is strange,” I heard someone say. “Ain’t he?”

Anyway while they looked good and I looked good in them I had a terrible time getting them on and off because of calves. As a runner my calves are pretty imposing.

So after about of hour of pull and tug, I walked them over to the dumpster and threw them away. My cowboy days were over. I still have the Cowboy hat though and like to dress Goddess up in it sometime. She has no problem with masculinity.

After that flip flops became my foot ware of choice. That’s not true. Bare feet are my first choice. Then flip flops but only if they’re required. In the winter time its tennis shoes. I have of hiking boots but I haven’t had them on since I was in Europe with Bill Berry (not the former drummer for R.E.M. but the other one).

But I can remember dropping them in dumpster. As soon as my hand let them go and they were still falling, I became someone else in an instant.

This morning while I was running beside a flat almost blue tinted ocean with the sun sprinkling diamonds on it and the sun was a bright yellow warm orb and the sweat came quickly because of the warmth, I remembered dropping those boots.

As always there is music surrounding me and these words were pulsating through my ears.

Something in you put a hold on my heart, hard to believe it now
Here is a place that will never be dark, I remember that place
That kind of touch, electricity of love, that certain kind of grace
That you love because you become someone else in an instant.

Looking back over my life there are those times when I’ve become someone other than who I was. I’ve been a lot of things. A southern child who discovered the Beatles one night listening to the radio in Port Wentworth, Georgia and learned that there is a world.

A timid college freshman, homesick and discovering the world for the first time turned into a student who loved to play and then loved to learn. So when college threw me out with a degree I kept going to school. Then it was Seminary and social work school and then I understood that I could learn by myself and I plowed the mines of books and music and art.

Then I became a father. Then a husband;

A minister; then a single parent and then a husband again;

An author;

Then a recognized President & CEO managing compassion;

The parent of grown children …friends with the people who used wives … a beach bum on Sabbatical.

Who knows what’s next?

Each of these things happened in an instant.

And there is this touch, this kind of electricity, this certain kind of grace … that you love because you become else in an instant.

And it’s good.

There are a lot of people who talk saying they want to be someone other than who they are right not. They no longer care for what they do, who they’re with, how they feel, how they relate to others or how they relate to themselves.

They can see who or what they want to become but lack the gumption to walk to the edge of the cliff, close their eyes smile and jump… believing with ever thing in them that it would be …better.

Looking back over my life, and remembering dropping those boots (which is akin to jumping off a cliff) it’s all gotten better.

Sure there were hard times. Painful times! But it still got better. I got better.

So there are a lot people that I would ask to give themselves permission to become who they are … now. Because if you don’t nobody else will.

Say you will.

The Sunshine Hours

In my book “Running with the Dolphins” I talk about how I carved out this schizophrenic life. On the one hand I was this public figure, relentlessly trying to make Savannah a better place by trying to save people from themselves and ridiculous government policies. I wore a coat and tie, socks and underwear to work every day. It was hard work and I did it for 23 years.

On the other hand, when I wasn’t working I was living on Tybee Island. I sat on the beach, cooler by side, UGA cap on my head and sunglasses on my face. I wore the barest of tan through bathing suits…well …when I wore bathing suits. Beach music played in my hears and worship services consisted of the “Buffet break” Sunday’s at 12;30 on my buddy Jerry Rogers’ radio station. Jerry is also a beach bum.

My days consisted of bouncing back and forth between the two alter egos. I think one of the reasons that I survived the work for so long was because of the escape to the Island.

Since June virtually all of my time is spent on Tybee (though some will argue that I remain schizophrenic!). While I still travel and work every day, the pace is slower and I am often interrupted by Fran’s thousand shades of green, egrets resting in pine trees making them look decorated for Christmas, and the way the sun dances on the ocean. It takes longer to get things done with such distractions.

Yesterday I returned to Savannah to have lunch with my friend Erin Jenkins (who is famously in SOUTH Magazine right now). Strolling down Liberty Street to Soho Café, a trolley bus full of tourist pulled over to the curb and the door opened.

“Welcome back Micheal,” said my friend Trolley Joe was driving the bus and is a charter member of “The Bored” back on Tybee. He deemed it more important to be stop in the middle of the tour he was giving to say Hi. The bus full of tourists stare at me and I’m certain that Trolley Joe told them numerous lies about me as he continued their tour.

Erin and I had a nice lunch and laughed, gossiped and told stories. Walking back to our cars afterwards, a car stopped at a red light and the driver was waiving at me.

“She wants to talk to you,” Erin said.

So I walked into the street and it was Ellen, who I used to work with. “Where have you been?”

“Having fun,” I replied.

Then it was back to Tybee where I hosted a conference call with my bare feet propped on the rail of my beloved back deck. Afterwards I grabbed my lap top and spent the rest of the sunshine hours typing away at the outdoor table on the deck.

The only thing wrong was the music that I was listening to. Some band was crucifying John Lennon with the worst version of “Imagine” ever recorded. It was kind of like “The Cure” combined with “Lou Reed” just to butcher one of the greatest songs ever written.

Then the sun set and I was ready for a break. After taking Goddess for a walk and watching the sun set from Shirley’s sad little holy dock, I hopped in the car to grab some dinner and ended up at Nicki’s where I ran into friends from the Breakfast Club.

I should have immediately fled.

But I didn’t. I crashed their party and learned that my friend Val has mastered the utilization of the following formula” “One verb + One pronoun = One sentence.”

It was fascinating!

So today I’m back into the sunshine hours hoping that it all happens again.

Except for that version of “Imagine”, which suddenly made me believe in violence and the N.R.A.

Oh.

And I’m writing this from the table on the beloved back deck.

No shoes.

No underwear.

Home

The tide is high as Goddess and I stand on the end of Shirley’s sad little holy dock. The water is clear so we can see the marsh grass underneath as it sways in the currents. A light wind blows so flags flutter on top of poles but we do not feel it. All is quite.

I suck in the air and can taste the salt of the sea that mixes with it. The lighthouse is clear and brilliant in the distance. Looking off towards Back River the rising sun creates diamonds on the water and I wish that I’d brought my sunglasses. It is going to be a glorious day!

I am home.

Yesterday I made a last second decision to return to Tybee Island rather than spend more time in Myrtle Beach. This morning I am glad that I did. Though there are meetings and conference calls to participate in, but it is good to do these things here.

Goddess runs off the dock to the thicket where rabbits hide during the summer. She chases marsh hens and egrets that fly away just as she closes in on them. It makes me laugh and then I go chasing after her

We make our way around the block and back to my house. Over the past several months my office has become my kitchen table. My lap top sits on the table and I stare out of the sliding glass doors that lead to the beloved back deck. Fran’s thousand shades of green provide the backdrop and dance in the breeze.

In a few weeks the office will move to the table on the beloved back deck and the need for all of this laundry that I have on will cease. Underwear will become completely optional.

There are trips to finish planning …Boston, Springfield, St. Martin …maybe Pittsburgh …perhaps Princeton… different things that I’m working on. We’ll see how they play out.

Goddess plops with a thud on the tile floor at my feet. She is content.

Opening the emails I stare over the top of the laptop at the sun shining off of the outside table. Fran’s thousand shades of green are on brilliant display.

I shut the computer. This is too holy a moment to ignore everything that is going on around me. Love is returning slowly but surely to this place. I not certain when yet but I know it’s coming. And I know that this house has become a sanctuary and while this Sabbatical begins to wane it’s not over yet.

So for now I celebrate …home.

This One

I was sitting at the kitchen table talking to my best friend with my chin resting on top of my hands which were folded and resting on a cup. The cup held Coke which I rarely drink. It was one of those thoughtful conversations and there was no hurry. We were enjoying the time together which we never seem to have enough of.

“Well, I show my emotions as I have them,” I confessed.

“No?” came the mocking reply.

And it is true that my emotions are never held in check. I allow them to live as they come. Hugs erupt abruptly and I’ll sling my arms around a neck in the second that it demands to be let out. Kisses happen easily. Words flow as they are needed. I am never guarded.

I think that life is better if it’s lived this way. Too often we mean to hug someone or let them know that they’re loved and we never get around to it. Then the moment is gone and it becomes something that we meant to do but didn’t.

This can often become a pattern. And that is how friends are lost or how love dies. We mean to do the things necessary to care for them but somehow we don’t get around to it. Other things seem to be more important. Or we become self-absorbed with something that we deem to be more important. Many times we start to care more about ourselves more than others. The love in our lives is then slowly strangled as though we tie panty hose around our necks and suspend ourselves from the ceiling.

Did I ever take you in my arms, look you in the eye and tell you that I do?
Did I ever open up my heart and let you look inside?
If I never did it, I was only waiting for a better moment that didn’t come.
There could never be a better moment than this one. This one.

So sings Paul McCartney in one of my favorite songs. Years ago I was in a relationship that ended up dying and most of the reason was because everything was taken for granted. Love became a routine and an expectation. Conversations drifted to the most superficial of communications. We stopped helping one another to grow as individuals.

I remember listening to this song and I resolved to never take things for granted again. That if a moment to tell someone I love them presents itself then I’m grabbing it.

If someone obviously needs a hug then I’ll give them one regardless of where we happen to be standing.

If they need an honest and open immediate answer then why should I wait?

Over time, this is increasingly how I’ve chosen to live my life. It startles a lot people because they are guarded with their feelings or emotions, choosing to hold them in check for fear of being rejected or hurt. I don’t think that this allows us to live life to its fullest which is the way that God intends us to live it. So by not taking advantage of the opportunities to express love we reject the life that God gave us.

And you never know how many moments you’re going to get anyway. Especially how many you’re going to have with the people you care about the most! So it’s best to take advantage of them as they come.

Because there is no better moment … than this one.

Valentine's Day

bSipping coffee I watch a pure unobstructed sunrise bubble up from the ocean. Bill Berry (not the former drummer from R.E.M. but the other one who went to Seminary and around the world with me) is sitting beside me. We are on the eighth floor balcony of a Myrtle Beach hotel. Neither of us speaks as we watch. The birth of a day is a holy thing.

When we do talk, I falter. Emotions seem to be getting the best of me. I go back inside and look for distractions. Turning on my computer I find my favorite radio station in St. Martin in an attempt to flee to another life in a happier place.

Beneath the tide, the fishes glide, fin to fin and side by side.
For fishy love has now begun, fishy love, finny fun.

James Taylor fills my brain with his quirky ode to this day. It is a song full of images. “Paper moon, paper heart, pink balloon, work of art, Al Calpone, Bugs Moran, Valentine’s Day …”

The sunshine now fills the room. Bill has retreated so that I can reel myself in. The song will not leave my head.

“Land your punch, I stand my ground. We break for lunch and have a second round.
We set them up, we knock them down. Valentine’s Day.”

Love is the most powerful and overwhelming of emotions. When it bursts into your life it is all consuming. When making love with the one you love the entire universe is reduced to skin and breath and hair. I suck it inside of myself and it fills my soul. Lightning strikes and the sun rises at the same time! Your senses are completely filled with love.

Then it has this way of settling. And love becomes subtle. Food rubs and lotion, chicken noodle soup, bread, or getting a blanket for the person you love become powerful though simple expressions of what you feel and who you are.

“Oh day to repay the one that you love, Gentlemen take off your hats as I speak thereof.
Just a brief break from the push and shove, we may go a few rounds without boxing gloves.”

Then love can be reduced to token expressions because they are expected. Flowers are bought, dinner reservations made, cards are exchanged and pecks are given to cheeks with quick wishes of “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

And you find yourself pondering what happened to the love? It is reduced to a routine only interrupted when … it is challenged.

By another. By the threat of a partner who no longer wants you. By demands of something more.

“Me and you, you and him, him and her, us and them, we keep score, love as war. Valentine’s Day.”

I think these things as I stare off of this eighth floor balcony at the vastness of the ocean and the brilliance of the sun. I have a lot of love inside of me that I don’t know what to do with. It is as vast as the ocean and as bright as the sun. It is ready to explode out of me but remains captive by … circumstances.

Bill returns to make more coffee. He asks what I’m writing and I try to explain it to him. He just stares at me for a bit as though processing what I’m saying. He has this way of listening where you feel you have every fiber of his being focused on you.

He walks to where I’m sitting and hugs me.

At least you’re with somebody that loves you.

“Yep,” I nod as the emptiness returns.

Billy's Beach

Standing on the end of the dock where my Dad’s ashes will be scatted one day mixed with my Mom’s I felt the arms of love wrapped around me. It was though Mona Lisa herself was smiling at me, bemused with anticipation.

After Dad died and was cremated my brother David said one night, “Mom, we’ve got to follow Dad’s wishes. We’re going to scatter his ashes in the marsh and then throw you on top.”

We’re not too sure about David.

Dutch Island is beautiful but my parent’s house is one of the pinnacles of splendor. The place had everything. A fantastic house that is decorated to look like the finest “Cracker Barrel” ever! It is full of antiques, pictures, old books and windows with breathtaking views.

There is a lush and manicured yard that seems to go forever, until it ends at the marsh that my Dad loved so much.

Then a dock that extends through the marsh to the tidal creek that we swim and float in.

And though my Mom used to be famous like me and was wildly successful in banking and collecting antiques, she has a bit of insanity that she passed on to my sister Age and me (David was skipped but neither Age or I are certain he actually shares our DNA anyway).

Mom decided that my Dad, beach bum that he was which I thank God every day that he passed that gene on to me, should have his own beach.

In the back yard.

So she built him one.

Trucks of sand were brought in. A lifeguard stand was built (though I’m not certain Dad ever actually got in it). A life preserver proclaims this to be “Billy’s Beach” and it was. And it is.

Dad was forever throwing parties and cooking oysters. For every special occasion, birthdays, anniversaries, divorces, Christmas, deaths (including his own day) … the oyster cooker would come out and we would feast.

So a couple of years after he died, Mom decided that it was time for an oyster roast. So it happened last night and about seventy people showed up to toast an incredible sunset over a golden brown marsh. There were lots of hugs and many laughs.

New friends were made and old friends were reacquainted. Mom fretted at the number of red wine drinkers who had shown up.

My cousin Jason fluttered around being in charge until he realized that nobody was listening to him so he stood around with the rest of us toasting and laughing and enjoying the hell out of a magic night.

David and I slid off at one point to talk about the future. He has one and I suppose that I do too. People kept interrupting us, obviously bothered that we may not share the same DNA, so it took us about an hour to finish our conversation. But I’m happy for him. And he seems to be inching closer to forgiving me.

Then as the stars twinkled and nighttime came, I walked alone back onto the dock. I wanted Mona Lisa’s smile again.

“Hey Dad,” I said to the marsh. “You’d love this.”

And a breeze kicked up and the marsh grass danced. I threw my wine into the tidal creek as the music of laughter sang from the sand on Billy’s Beach.

And Dad told me that he loves me still.

And was loving the hell out of this party.

What Love Is

It was a strange yesterday. It seems as though I spent the entire day covering people’s asses. But if you love somebody that’s what you do. You cover their ass when they can’t cover it themselves.

Enough about my friend Dee!

It all started with my son Jeremy and my brilliant daughter-in-law Marie. They showed up and that led to Fish Tacos at Café Loco which led to Roma and the Bored meeting which led to Bernie’s last night where Sam Adams and Gordo play damn good live music! Then it all got crazy. Typical Tybee!

Yet in the midst of all of this I am reminded that I live on an island. Goddess and I walk to Shirley’s sad little holy dock and it takes my breath away. I jog the beach and the joy of the ocean still makes me tingle with excitement as though I were still a little boy. The smell of the marsh (it smells like sex in the Tropics) makes my skin come alive and the breath that I inhale is pure, unadulterated love. And you take love where you find it and you hold onto it with everything that you have inside of you.

That’s Tybee.

Just a few months ago I would have never noticed these things. I was living a fast and famous life changing the way that the world dealt with homelessness, health care for the uninsured, treating the mentally ill and such. I never slowed down. I never stopped. It was all consuming and … in the end, it consumed my all.

For seven months now I’ve been on this Sabbatical. I left my career. Love left my house. Having never really been alone, loneliness blanketed where I lived. Quiet became the language that I spoke.

Sustenance came from the most unlikely of places --- my children made certain that I ate; the Breakfast Club ensured that I was touched with love; Shirley would break into my house to force company. Stacy was relentless in sending me messages of love.

Roma of all people took long walks down the sidewalk with me with her old arm hung over my shoulder and just listen and nod. O Johnny demanded to know what was wrong and when I told him he just showed me friendship. Cheryl and Jodee were constantly letting me know that I always have a place to go.

And Johnny O and Judy rearranged their lives to take care of the one that I had which was in shambles.

And a dog licked my tears when I was immobile to do anything other than cry.

So I sat beloved back deck with that dog and several things happened. My dear friend Fran came back from the dead and reminded me of her thousand shades of green and all of the love that hides there. Goddess took to writing with me every morning my laying her head under my bare feet as I typed and it was …family. My friend Nancee at the Breakfast Club took to kissing me and giving me long hugs to chase the sadness away from the morning. Old friends from college made a pilgrimage to my house and laughter returned. An old partner returned and demanded to be a new partner.

Someone asked me yesterday what I’ve learned on this Sabbatical. There are several things. You notice more when you slow down --- the colors of the marsh, Fran’s thousands shades of green, how much a hug can mean, and the joy of laughter.

That it’s better to be honest because it takes too much energy to be something else. I’ve learned to be open to the things and people that come my way and to not chase things as much.

I’ve learned who my friends are. And I’ve really learned who they are not.

I’ve learned that it is ok to invest time and money in me because nobody else will. This is the only life I’ve got so while I’ve given a lot of it away to others it is fine and perfectly acceptable to give pieces of it to yourself. And that nobody … and I mean nobody … will give you permission to do that except you.

When you just stop and have only yourself …in the end …it is just yourself that you have anyway. It’s only you that you have influence over. Be open to what you want and need. Everybody else will deny you of these things and you are the only person who will allow you to follow your heart.

For the past couple of years my life was exposed to the world to do with what it wished. It wasn’t pretty and I lost a lot.

But then these things happened on this Sabbatical. And people who love me covered my ass when I couldn’t. And I love them.

And the most important thing that I’ve learned on this Sabbatical is …what love is.

And what it’s not.

The Salt Water Sand Spurs

“Well Bite me!” he exclaimed as they stared at the overheated van now parked on the side of the Interstate.

The Salt Island Sand Spurs were on their way to the airport to catch a plane to Dallas. They’d won a video competition to play in the first ever “Jimmy Bowl” a flag football competition to be played in the Dallas Cowboys Stadium. Now they were in danger of missing their flight because of the overheated van and they didn’t have any water.

After considering their options all six --- Paxton, Travis, Nick, Danny, Eric and Ryan --- took turns peeing in the radiator until it cooled down. They drove the van to the airport, parked, and would worry about getting back to Tybee Island later.

Once inside, Travis had lost a bet and had to carry Eric’s bag through Homeland Security’s check-in. The lone African-American of the group, tall, handsome with long dregs, he threw the suitcase on the belt for X-Ray. Of course it beeped, Travis was patted down and the suit case was opened for inspection.

Inside were women’s high heels, bras and panties, photographs of nude male models, and a can of spray paint to ensure inspection.

Welcome to humor on Tybee Island where I live.

“We’re a ragtag bunch of riffraff who wanna play football with some flags,” they sing in their video, though they’ve never actually played a game. They did shoot a funny video though which won them the national competition.

They all hang out at Huck-A-Poo’s on the island. It looks like a giant porch that happens to have a giant bar inside. Decorated with the best stuff you can find at a garage sale and giant flat screen televisions the pizza place is typical Tybee …trashy but with taste.

Given the island motto of “Any excuse for a party!” there had to be a pep rally to send the boys off. So it was held the other night and I went.

Forget about the Salt Island Sand Spurs! Let’s talk about Grayson. Grayson was the choreographer and lead dancer for the cheerleaders. The other two cheer leaders were incredibly hot in their University of Florida “jorts” and white tee shirts cut off just below the breasts.

Grayson? Not so much.

But they danced and did cheers until Travis couldn’t take it anymore and tackled Grayson pinning him to the ground. The crowd burst into applause.

Then there was this locker room video of the “team” getting “ready” for the game. The Jimmy Bowl is sponsored by Crown Royal so the biggest question was “What do you like with your Crown Royal?”

“Coffee,” was the answer.

So, if you’re not a fan of the Salt Water Sand Spurs, you will be soon.

Especially if you work for the federal penal system.

They do make you laugh.

And I must confess that they are my friends.

Go Salt Water Sand Spurs!

Grayson …not so much!

Quiet

It’s a rainy day and the air is full of moisture. Water rolls off of the Palm Trees and I sit in the red room of my house which has thirteen windows in it. There is a blue couch and a coffee table that holds my feet. Goddess is asleep on her bench beside me. The desk is cluttered with paper work that demands attention but is being ignored. It is a day to call in sick, stay in bed, read a book or just stare at the rain falling on the world.

The house is dark and I am content. Goddess is content too. There is no need to move. It is a time to simply be.

It is not cold so I have on running shorts and a long sleeve tee shirt. Music plays from the other room but it carries a silence with it somehow.

It is a time to take things in.

It is a time to recharge.

It is a time to be still.

It is prayerful.

So today I will embrace the quiet.

Religious Discrimination (the St. Vincent's Father/Daughter Dance)

One of the glorious things about Face Book is that you can have wonderful international conversations in real time. Yesterday my daughter Chelsea who is in Italy and I instant messaged one another for catching one another up on things. She spent a couple of weeks with her fiancée Sam in London before making her way to Rome and today she lands in Cortona in northern Italy. She and Sam will meet when they can and dance across Europe.

The other day Chelsea posted on my Face Book page “Never saw the Pope. He apparently knew I was coming to confront him and was afraid. I tried to communicate with him telepathically but they must have some sort of block against that in the Vatican. He never admitted to rigging the Father-Daughter dance.”

Both Kristen and Chelsea attended St. Vincent’s Academy a Catholic girl’s school in Savannah. Neither are Catholic and when they’re asked to describe their religious beliefs they normally look lost for a while before answering, “You know who my Dad is right?”

They both made good grades for the most part except in religion class.

“What do you mean God can’t be a woman?” Kristen fired at the Priest one day. “Of course God can be a woman. It’s God for God’s sake! God can be anything God wants!”

The Priest called me that day to tell me how disruptive Kristen had been in class. After hearing him out I asked, “Father, do you have a point?”

It was like this for both as they fought their way through parochial education as my daughters.

The greatest sacrilege however was the St. Vincent’s annual Father/Daughter dance. I tore up the dance floor with my girls for eight years. We never won. Suspiciously it was always a Catholic that won. It only took us a couple of years to figure out religious discrimination.

So our dances grew wilder and better! We were determined to show them our liberal Protestant moves. I’d throw my girls all over the dance floor often knocking other Fathers and Daughters on their butts. Sister Pat, the academy’s Dictator, grew even more obstinate as she chose Catholic winner and Catholic winner.

Once Chelsea and I were diving in Key Largo, when she apologized because we’d never won the Father/Daughter dance competition though we were obviously the best on the floor. I explained religious persecution to her and she asked me why it happened.

“I dunno,” I answered, “Let’s call the Pope and ask him.”

So we dialed 1-800-VATICAN on my cell phone and it rang and rang but no one answered. Being the Pope and all I assume he knew why we were calling and didn’t want any part of owning up to it.

Hence Chelsea’s post when she visited the Vatican earlier this week determined to find the rascal who allows religious discrimination on the dance floor.

So I had to explain to my daughters that the world is not always just. Especially when it comes to religion! There is judgment of the worst kind. People are discriminated against because they are different. If you don’t fall into line you can get crucified.

But my daughters believe in truth. And the truth will set you free. And we kicked their asses on the dance floor.

And the Pope knows it!

Sea Glass

Surrounding the island of St. Martin are numerous other islands. Depending on which direction you look standing on Orient Beach you can see Anguilla, St. Barts, or Saba. Closer are the uninhabited islands of Green Cay, Tintamaree and Pinel.

About a half mile off shore I’ll often swim or snorkel to Green Cay. There’s not much there except a beach that comes and goes with the Trade Winds and lots of dead coral which is impossible to walk on without shoes. An old World War II radio tower is there as are boats that washed ashore. But the view of Orient Beach is fantastic and it is as quiet as it gets!

Pinel is cool as there are restaurants and private beaches where you can lose the laundry if you choose. It is a short boat ride and makes for a nice day with friends though it proved to be a bit too busy for me though I’m glad I went. Once!

Tintamaree is a longer boat ride away and it is uninhabited and I’ve had many, many adventures there. I watched a church organist play a muddy organ one day standing in the water with my friend Hugh. Conner once led an attack on the uninhabited island and returned wounded and defeated. On another day Conner and I had to save two people from drowning because they thought that they could swim. It is also the place where I learned about mud baths.

It’s a beautiful little island with Palm Trees, coral reefs, wild goats from an old farm, abandoned walls made out of stones mounted on top of one another, a long empty beach, and another wild one on the leeward side of the island. I’ve been perhaps 15 times and met some of my best friends in life on this trip.

Before I was “suddenly single” I was standing in the surf one day and we were looking for sea glass. People throw bottles off of boats and the ocean crushes them and the water rounds off the edges and they become smooth. Most are green because most of the beer in the Caribbean comes in green bottles. Anyway, in my house is this jar of sea glass. Above my kitchen sink on the window sill are two pieces that I collected on my last trip to Tintamaree.

When I go now, I’m the odd man out. There are all of these couples and I am dear friends with some and don’t really know the others. The first timers take off by themselves so that they can kiss or make love in broad daylight on a Caribbean island. Who can blame them?

The old timers raid the coolers.

Now I have this new routine. I slide off by myself (mainly cause there’s no one else to slide off with) and wade out into the surf and look for sea glass. Sometimes I’ll have my I-Pod and listen to sad music while I do this though many times I just let the sea sing its song. It’s not as easy as you think because the sand is so soft and the waves are constant and you see green and grab just a hand full of wet sand as quickly as you can. Half the time you come up with something and half the time you don’t.

I’ll spend an hour doing this by myself, lost in thought and in sun, sea, surf and sea glass. It is a holy worship experience. And the relics of this religion of lost love are all in a jar where they sparkle and shine. Two lonely pieces rests on the window sill, signifying that which was whole is now broken.

I pick one up and hold it between my fingers. It is smooth and nice to touch. It reminds me of warm --- water, air and hearts.

Then I think of things to come. And I smile and put the broken back in its place.

On a window sill that looks out at the past.

Sea Glass

Surrounding the island of St. Martin are numerous other islands. Depending on which direction you look standing on Orient Beach you can see Anguilla, St. Barts, or Saba. Closer are the uninhabited islands of Green Cay, Tintamaree and Pinel.

About a half mile off shore I’ll often swim or snorkel to Green Cay. There’s not much there except a beach that comes and goes with the Trade Winds and lots of dead coral which is impossible to walk on without shoes. An old World War II radio tower is there as are boats that washed ashore. But the view of Orient Beach is fantastic and it is as quiet as it gets!

Pinel is cool as there are restaurants and private beaches where you can lose the laundry if you choose. It is a short boat ride and makes for a nice day with friends though it proved to be a bit too busy for me though I’m glad I went. Once!

Tintamaree is a longer boat ride away and it is uninhabited and I’ve had many, many adventures there. I watched a church organist play a muddy organ one day standing in the water with my friend Hugh. Conner once led an attack on the uninhabited island and returned wounded and defeated. On another day Conner and I had to save two people from drowning because they thought that they could swim. It is also the place where I learned about mud baths.

It’s a beautiful little island with Palm Trees, coral reefs, wild goats from an old farm, abandoned walls made out of stones mounted on top of one another, a long empty beach, and another wild one on the leeward side of the island. I’ve been perhaps 15 times and met some of my best friends in life on this trip.

Before I was “suddenly single” I was standing in the surf one day and we were looking for sea glass. People throw bottles off of boats and the ocean crushes them and the water rounds off the edges and they become smooth. Most are green because most of the beer in the Caribbean comes in green bottles. Anyway, in my house is this jar of sea glass. Above my kitchen sink on the window sill are two pieces that I collected on my last trip to Tintamaree.

When I go now, I’m the odd man out. There are all of these couples and I am dear friends with some and don’t really know the others. The first timers take off by themselves so that they can kiss or make love in broad daylight on a Caribbean island. Who can blame them?

The old timers raid the coolers.

Now I have this new routine. I slide off by myself (mainly cause there’s no one else to slide off with) and wade out into the surf and look for sea glass. Sometimes I’ll have my I-Pod and listen to sad music while I do this though many times I just let the sea sing its song. It’s not as easy as you think because the sand is so soft and the waves are constant and you see green and grab just a hand full of wet sand as quickly as you can. Half the time you come up with something and half the time you don’t.

I’ll spend an hour doing this by myself, lost in thought and in sun, sea, surf and sea glass. It is a holy worship experience. And the relics of this religion of lost love are all in a jar where they sparkle and shine. Two lonely pieces rests on the window sill, signifying that which was whole is now broken.

I pick one up and hold it between my fingers. It is smooth and nice to touch. It reminds me of warm --- water, air and hearts.

Then I think of things to come. And I smile and put the broken back in its place.

On a window sill that looks out at the past.

Waiting for Dreams (the Super Bowl)

I should have gone out last night. I didn’t and that ended up being a mistake. Throughout the holidays I took great care to be proactive and have ample distractions even when things didn’t go as planned. These were the first holidays that I had to live through since becoming “Suddenly Single” as my friend Bill put it.

Thanksgiving was this progressive series of celebrations beginning with my family, then my extended family at the Breakfast Club and finally at Fannies-on-the-Beach for the Bored meeting party. It started slow and a bit depressed but picked up steam and laughter as the day went on and I ended up having a good time.

Christmas was in St. Martin where warm sunshine, aqua-blue waters, and Caribbean and Canadian friends kept me preoccupied. There were a few hours on Christmas Day where I struggled to not miss the family that I was once a part. It ended in a Villa with a hodge-podge of people including my ten year old friend Lucas who became permanently attached to my arm throughout the evening. He and I laughed like kids on Christmas.

An expired Passport forced me back to Tybee Island for New Year’s where I was promptly kidnapped by my Carnival of friends for the night. It started at Bernie’s listening to Sam and Gordon, moved to Fannies where I evidently walked out without paying and ended at Huck-a-poo’s on the far end of the island. I had to walk home that night at about four in the morning. Goddess woke me up licking my face at 11:00.

Martin Luther King Day was spent mostly at Fannies again with the members of the Bored. It was a good day though I don’t recall what we did other than have a Bored meeting which largely consists of nothing other than celebrating life on Tybee and our incredible collective wit.

I forgot that the Super Bowl is a national holiday and I failed to prepare for it. Last year in the depth of depression and loss, Stacy Jennings was my distraction. I love Stacy as much as I love anybody and her Saints of New Orleans were rolling magic and she was on top of the world. So I pulled for her pulling for the Saints and it all worked out though I don’t recall last year’s game at all. Other than Ryan Sadowski made me throw away more money on the Breakfast Club Super Bowl board like he did again this year.

Yesterday began well enough. I was with my mates at the Breakfast Club and we all make one another laugh which is a great way to start the day. Then I ran, walked Goddess, wrote and went to Bar Church where none other than the world’s most famous heathen was to “bring the word”.

It was hard not to get excited!

And Johnny O brought the house down! He got a standing ovation when he said that Bar Church is real church and those other churches on the island are “full of crap”.

Now that’s preaching!

Then it was time to get ready for the Super Bowl. My friend Philip from the Breakfast Club was having a party at his house and I was invited. But I told myself to stay home, enjoy the game, and rub Goddess’ butt. It sounded cozy.

It ended up being hell.

While the rest of the world celebrated or cussed (depending on their team) I felt … alone. Goddess did her best but my hands were raw from rubbing her butt. I spend a lot of time in Pittsburgh and love that city (especially the hot tub!) and Hines Ward plays for the Steelers (Go Dawgs!) so that was who I was pulling for but … I really didn’t care.

I tried to do other things. Jumping on-line I tried to buy tickets for a trip to St. Martin with Conner but everyone at Delta was watching the Super Bowl so nobody was ready when I was. My daughter Chelsea is in Italy so I tried to book tickets but … nobody was working. It’s a national holiday.

I tried to find what I needed to accomplish these things but I evidently lost them in the divorce. So frustration mounted. I should have given Goddess a treat at this moment and driven to Phil’s which is only a few blocks away. But I can be hard headed and try too hard. So I kept at it. Cussing louder and louder as the evening progressed. The intensity built and I grew … PISSED!

Then I just collapsed on the sofa and stared at the silhouettes of Palm Trees out of the windows. Sadness filled the room. Goddess tried again but I had nothing for her. The game was on but I wasn’t watching. The Palm Trees danced in the moist wind.

I sat there for a long time like that. Then came this message from nowhere of the promise of dreams of things to come. So I went to bed. And laid there waiting for those dreams.

Preaching Class

This is a seminary story. I know. I’m sorry. It’s Guy Sayles fault. He’s the one who called me and told me to come. I’ve never not listened to Guy so I went; though he’s never recovered. He’s fled across the nation trying to find a church to pastor that didn’t know about me. Alas most found out and he’s had to move a dozen times. I really hope the people at First Baptist Church of Ashville, N.C. don’t read this.

Regardless of that it was “Preaching” class. We were all supposed to stand up in front of some old white guy in a suit with a “Dairy Queen” swirl top haircut, and … well … preach.

My friend Greg went first. He was nervous because he never wore socks and the old white guy professor was a big believer in socks; especially if you’re sitting in the pulpit. It would be downright un-Godly if a “Man of God” (no women at the Seminary I went to) were to sit and face the Congregation without socks. He actually lectured on this once. I think Greg skipped that day because he didn’t wear socks on the day he was to preach.

He did try to impress the Professor with the Dairy Queen haircut by speaking in Greek to begin his sermon. It was the words that Jesus cried from the cross. “My God, My God! Why hast thou forsaken me?”

God forsook Greg.

It was bad.

And without the socks …well…he was toast.

Next was Cin, who is now famous. While Southern Baptist didn’t believe in women, I did. She was the Associate minister at the Jefferson Street Baptist Chapel of which I was inexplicably in charge. I hired her for many reasons but one was the Southern Baptist Convention said that women couldn’t be ministers while God was calling them left and right. I went with God on this one.

Cin had large breasts which means she was a goner as a Southern Baptist minister. That had nothing to do with why I hired her. She was smarter than me, a better preacher, believed Baptist stuff more than I did, and never wore socks (panty hose but not socks…now that I think about it I wonder if the Professor had a thing for panty hose).

Anyway, Cin got up and blew the class away.

The Professor …not so much. She was a woman and Southern Baptist do not believe in women so I think that she got a “DD” as a grade.

Then it was my turn. To be honest I was already in major trouble with the Seminary and Guy had long ceased speaking to me in public. As a matter of fact an attorney was representing me against the Southern Baptist so that I could get my degree. He wore socks. I felt pretty good about it.

But in Preaching class I stood up that day after Greg and Cin. I stared at my classmates and the Dairy Queen hair cut professor and the Baptist Police outside of the door because we were in litigation with one another.

Then it was time to begin quoting the text. I opted for the Boss instead of the Bible and I started singing.

“I got a wife and kids in Baltimore jack, I went out for a ride and I never went back.”

“Like a river that don’t know where it’s flowing, I took a wrong turn and I just kept going.”

The class started clapping as I sang.

I started dancing behind the pulpit.

The class started singing with me.

“Everybody wants a place to rest. Everybody wants to have a home. Don’t make no difference what nobody says, everybody wants to have a home.”

It was all about the homeless who I lived and worked with. This was their moment in Seminary.

I was clapping and singing with the class. Several got up and danced with me including Cin with her large breasts bouncing and the Dairy Queen Professor couldn’t watch because that was a major sin so he concentrated on his socks. Greg was speaking in tongues. The rest of us were dancing and slapping hands. I think my attorney was even smiling.

I made a “D”. I’m not sure why I didn’t fail. Maybe because I was the only student in Preaching class with an attorney.

So … that is how I learned to preach.

You can’t it up.

Hallelujah!!!!

Oh…and pull your socks up.