Navigating Change

My life is filled with people who are navigating change in their lives. Having already sailed through those sometimes treacherous waters, I sit on the beach, back against a Palm Tree, sipping on a boat drink, with one arm around Sarah and watched how my friends are doing.

Mitch started it all when he told the Southern Baptist to go save themselves and took an early retirement. He'd given them everything he had but they were demanding more. So in the most loving and Christian way possible, he said, "Blow me!" and he left. Frightened at first, he panicked over how he would make it, but his incredible gift of compassion and understanding landed him at Hospice where he's now helping others through rough waters.

Mark was blindsided unexpectedly and found himself wondering what he was going to do. Life was good and he didn't want to disrupt it but the company didn't and cut him loose. Like everyone he was worried being in uncharted Seas where he and his family could go under. But he's so good at what he does that another company gave him new sails and another rudder and he's sailed to a new place and all is good.

Dedra dove in head first to change and immediately liked the calm waters. After years of giving herself away to others, she'd finally found herself. The past has a long reach though and jerked her back to then and she lost a year trying to fix what was. Just when everyone thought they had her, she dove back in more determined than ever to calmly stroll the beach on Baby bear kind of days.

An island is populated by only two kinds of people ... those running to something and those running from ... something. Most fall into later category, knowing what they don't want while desperately hoping they can find the things they need by the Sea. It's the ultimate change of location, though as Guy Sayles, America's greatest minister, once said, "Hell is portable. You take it with you wherever you go."  So I was very pleased a few weeks ago to read our friend Robin was finally running to something and now has a launch to kayak anytime she wants.

The Carnival of Friends have all reached safe ports after a couple of years helping each other through storm tossed Seas. Holding one another tender in our hearts, we wave as our ships and occasionally dock at the same pier to celebrate where we are and bury where we were.

New boats sale pass and we wave at Sean and Wen, Glenn and Vickie, Jimmy and Steven.

The kids have all set sail to new places having just embarked on their journeys and there is all of the streamers, cheers and corks of Champaign popping. With a hand on the starboard bow, they wave and smile knowing the best is yet to come.

Sarah clinks her glass to mine. We toast them all and say a prayer to God. "Give them all a lovely cruise. When rough waters come, help them choose. Take them to calm seas with a light breeze; let the rest of their lives be at ease. Amen." 

My Pedicure

First off, I am a manly man.

Second, I'm an open and honest man who is in touch with his feminine side. I like touching my feminine side almost as much as I like touching Sarah's.

I like football, beer, the "Die Hard" movies, sweat, flexing my muscles, eat lots of meat and say manly things like, "Aw to hell with it!" and  "I need a chain saw to shave my chest hairs."

But I love Pedicures!

There's nothing better than having Asian women play with my feet for an hour, clipping my toenails, occasionally bring out a cheese grater, electronic devises that are too close to water for my comfort, and using lots of little tiny silver foot fetish tools.

And all the while these Asian women smile without ever saying anything, like they know something I don't know.

The fact is, I don't really care.

Play with my feet!

I have my own way of enjoying a Pedi, which is how we aficionado's of the Pedicure call them.

I like to take a cooler of beer or wine, with soft chewy ice, and beef jerky. Then, if there's a television, I ask the channel be changed to ESPN and to turn it up loud.

Sarah and I had date night and immediately started with a Pedi. She disappeared behind a curtain with another woman and I could hear her giggling but I was too busy enjoying myself to know what she was doing.

I texted my fellow Pedi enthusiasts Jodee Sadowsky, Johnny O, and my son J-Luv to let them know what I was up to. They immediately responded to report their last favorite Pedi experiences.

So, sipping my cocktail while the Asian woman smiled and used tools on my feet, I got to thinking.

The Government is so screwed up with all of this Partisan mess, we need to organize a movement to get the Republicans and Democrats to all give one another Pedicures. 

Mitch McConnell should start by doing Nancy Pelosi who should then do Harry Reed.

It's almost Biblical as Jesus started the whole foot washing movement which obviously led to Pedicures.

That's what I'm going to work on today as I admire my feet.

What are you doing today?

Our House

The dogs bark and we know someone is at the door. They won't stop until it's open and they greet whoever it is, tails wagging in fast pace as they nudge and lick visitors into our home.

"Is that the gay dog?" is the first question as they point at Winston.

"Hey Goddess," they quickly say as she demands attention at the same time.

After following us upstairs, Goddess plops on the tile floor already bored. Winston, the little gay dog, prances to the large family sofa to observe everything from his perch beside the window.

In the Red Room they spy Sarah's workspace and linger for a moment to see things they've read about. Her desk is neatly organized with colorful files, notes and stacks of books she uses. The red room is full of windows and light allowing her to stare outside in thought if need be.

Continuing through the family room, we stroll into the kitchen with its two sliding glass doors, meaning that the entire inside of our house is bathed in light. It's a happy place.

In the kitchen, they immediately stare at the refrigerator covered with photographs of Sarah and I, our kids, and our friends. The pictures are held in place with Jesus magnets. Our guest stares at photos first begin to notice Jesus is everywhere!

"Jesus is coming. Hide your bong!" reads one and they either laugh out loud or shake their heads. At least one intruder announced that they are "totally unacceptable."

"Is that the Beloved Back Deck?" is the next as they peer out the sliding to the wooden deck with the large table under the umbrella.

Walking outside, the deck is colored with pots exploding with plants. Colorful red, orange, purple and green flowers are everywhere, surrounding the grill and the Cheminea where the girls sometimes roast Marshmallows and make Smores.

Shaking their head, our visitor sees the Palm Tree with the oyster face, coconut bra and grass skirt. The tree shares a smile with our guests as they also see the signs covering the fence. "Fish Naked! Show off your rod" and "Fish Naked! Show off your bobbers!"

"Is that Fran's thousand shades of green?" they ask pointing at the wall of trees surrounding three-fourths of the back yard. The sun cascades brilliance on the leaves resulting in every imaginable shade of green.

"Which house is the Cat Lady's?" erupts next.

We point to the right and they see several black feral cats lounging everywhere. Leaning over the deck they see the outdoor shower and we watch them calculating the view from her top deck down into the wooden structure. She can actually see naked from there?

One of two things then happen. Either we sit at the table under the umbrella or retreat into kitchen and get to whatever business we have.

Sometimes its work. Other times, it's friends stopping by to share. Most often, it's just Sarah and I, the girls and the dogs.

"Home is where they want you," says the Major Prophet James Taylor. "You can more or less assume that you'll be welcomed in the end."

It's our office, sanctuary, refuge, occasional wrestling ring for spats or struggles, and home base though we have the ability to carry home with us wherever we go.

The girls are away this weekend. The kids are all heading to Florida. Sarah and I have no plans other than to enjoy making home together in our house.

View from the bed

While Sarah wakes up in extremely slow motion, I'm pretty quick about it.

That's not to say I jump right out of bed.

The view is incredible.

If I'm facing the interior of the house, I'm staring at Sarah. Not too shabby of a way to wake up! Of course, if I wake her up she might kill me before falling back to sleep and dying is no way to wake up.

If I'm laying on my left side though, with Sarah snuggling my back, there are six windows for me to stare at silhouettes of Palm Trees in the pre-dawn sky.

Light creeps from the ocean where the sun is erupting from the sea.

Couples are watching it, holding hands while sipping to-go cups of coffee.

Photographers are snapping pictures of it.

In the sand dunes, others are making love, creating their own eruptions.

The Department of Public Works is cleaning up yesterday's mess on the beach.

The Breakfast Club is busy preparing for its daily invasion of customers.

I take 10 minutes or so and just lay there.

The Palm Trees come to life as God finger paints the sky blue with streaks of red, yellow and purple.

Sarah breathes into my back and squeezes her arm around my waist.

Goddess nuzzles her cold nose into my hand which is slung off the side of the bed.

I am bathed in holiness and there is no hurry.

I think about things laying there. The kids are all alright and I'm thankful. My Mom is doing good beyond belief. Our friend Robin is moving towards the ocean and that's good. Mark, Mitch and Sandi made me laugh all day long yesterday. Cheryl came out with a bottle of wine yesterday as the girls and I swam in the pool to break the afternoon heat. Suzanne in Pittsburgh and I chatted on Facebook and I hadn't talked to her in a year or so. We heard from lots of people interested in listening to God talk to them. The first illustration for the new book was terrific and made us all laugh for a long time.

"Thank you," I say out loud to start the day.

Than I crawl out of bed and stumble to the outdoor shower so I can enjoy it all again.

Today's blessings. Whose counting?

How do you know when you're blessed?

Most of the time I'm wanting things that I don't have yet causing me to fail to appreciate the things I do have now. Yesterday was one of those days. I wanted everything we've been working on finished. I demanded the fruits of our labors NOW DAMMIT! Of course I ended up getting frustrated.

"Why don't you take Goddess for a walk?" Sarah said after I was short with the girls.

What I ended up doing was trying to work through it by sitting out in the front yard with Laurel as she sat in the grass drawing pictures of trees.

Today I'm determined to not repeat the sins of yesterday.

There's only so much I can do to make things happen anyway. Everything happens in its own time anyway. I can't control the future. I either live in this present moment or I screw it up by not celebrating it fully.

I want to completely enjoy this day. I'm going to work a little, play a little and love a lot. I'm going to dig my toes in the sand today. I think we'll make Smores tonight over an open fire. I'll have a casual conversation with God, laugh with my friends and enjoy the girls. I'm going to talk to my kids. I'm going to kiss passionately. I'm going to enjoy this place.

Those are the blessings I've counted so far.

I'm not just counting though.

I'm enjoying them.

They're what's mine today!

Playing Hide & Seek With God

Everybody wants to find God.

Even those who say they're not even looking would like to find God on occasion.

I think God likes to play hide-and-seek. At least, most people must think God likes the game. Preachers are forever talking about seeking God, so God must be hiding. Jesus even said, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of heaven," and if you're going to find it, then it must be hidden somewhere.

Everyone has played the children's game where someone closes their eyes, counts to ten, and then goes off searching for everyone hiding. It's always fun if you find who you're looking for, but it's very frustrating if you spend half an hour looking for someone so well hidden that, without hints, they can't be found.

I think it's this way with God. God is always playing the game. God hides, and we seek if we want too. We close our eyes but instead of counting to ten we pray. After we open our eyes, we start to look. Prayer is little more than telling God we want to play.

To help everybody out, it's best to be clear on the rules for playing hide-and-seek with God.

Here they are.

• God is very rarely hiding where we think.
• Playing hide-and-seek with God is almost always a small game; just you and God are playing.
• When God comes out of hiding, it's very rarely what we expect, and we fail to recognize that we've found God.
• People stop looking too soon.
• God rarely attends church. When God does go to church, congregations do strange things.
• God likes to surprise people when coming out of hiding and is often very unconventional in the presentation.
• After someone finds God they are forever changed.
• After finding God people start telling stories.
• After someone finds God they want others to find God too.
• People who have found God never stop playing the game, although many make the mistake of thinking they will always be able to find God in the same place.

So that's how you get started.

Alright everybody! Let's go play!

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Moon Over Monday

Stumbling down the staircase in the pre-dawn light, I sleepily make my way to the outdoor shower. Hot water rains down on me and I stick my toothbrush in my mouth. Choirs of birds sing and the ocean breeze has the Palm Trees dancing. Yesterday's rain is gone though wetness remains.

I hear a door and look upward.

The Cat Lady is standing on her third story deck and is watching me.

She is naked.

I throw up in my mouth a little.

She sees that I am watching her watch me.

Covering her breasts with one arm she turns around exposing a full white moon. It is blinding! On cue several cats start to moan.

I throw up a little bit more.

"Holy Shit!" I say to God who is speechless.

I feel bad for God who is obviously distraught that She created such a massive white moon.

The Cat Lady walks inside her bedroom and assumes position in front of an open window and keeps watching me. She now holds a black feral cat in front of her breast. Cat hair floats around her head like a hallo.

It strikes me that I forgot to grab a towel.

She cuddles the black cat.

I turn the water off.

She continues to watch.

"Oh well," I say, opening the door to stroll naked to the screened in porch.

"Meow," I hear her cat call.

"At least my butt's tanned," I say out loud.

What do you do?

It's a Monday.

Things have changed

Paula Dean used a word everyone else in the world has uttered at some time or another and finds herself in the middle of a shit storm.

George Zimmerman is found not guilty and an entire nation is taking sides.

Edward Snowden is seeking asylum for leaking the truth about the Government.

Aaron Hernandez is no longer a Patriot because it appears he shot the guy his girlfriend's sister was dating.

It's all so much that even Pope Benedict couldn't take it and resigned.

"To hell with it!" he probably said and who can blame him?

The world has indeed gone nuts.

"People are crazy and times are times are strange," says the Major Prophet Bob Dylan. "I'm locked in tight. I'm out of rage. I used to care but things have changed."

The truth of the matter is, at this part of my life, I really don't care.

I really am out of rage, having used it all up over 30 years fighting the good fight. I don't want to fight any more.

As much as I dislike Pope Benedict, and I really have little appreciation of the man, I'm doing what he's done and walked away from it all.

I care about small things now.

I love watching Sarah sleep in. I can't get enough of the Beloved Back Deck. I delight when I get to talk to the kids. I miss when Mom and I don't talk. My bicycle doesn't get drunk much anymore but I sure enjoy coasting down to the ocean on it after coffee at The Breakfast Club. Three little girls make me shake my head and laugh. I can't wait to go somewhere else and am forever planning the next trip. I linger over words. I send lots of good Karma to my friends.

I don't like the News anymore. As much as I was once in it, it's mostly bad and I don't like bad things.

I talk to God a lot. They're quiet but intense conversations about most everything that's happened or questions of why things happen the way they do. They're the talks you have with good friends that take place into the night, often with wine. We have communion together.

It's like being in the center of a Hurricane.

All is calm.

All is bright.

Though I worry about my friends who worry about these things. There are dark things in the world. I've been through my fair share but I choose to not focus on them.

Maybe its a fantasy world but I don't really care. It's a world full of love, happiness and intimacy. God visits daily. Sarah and I dance a lot. I smile a lot. It's far better than the alternative and I'm not going back.

Things have indeed changed.
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Happy Birthday Jeremy

My son is 35 years old today.

I don't know how in the hell this has happened.

It was just a couple of years ago that Jeremy was born.

The first thing he did was pee on the doctor who said, "Well, the plumbing works."

Jeremy was either letting the world know what he thinks of the American health care system or the doctors hands were cold.

Regardless, he's always done things his own way.

He got in trouble once ... sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night. I had to crawl out of bed and go searching and found him playing basketball at 3 a.m. with his friends. It was hard to be mad.

I'm a very fortunate Dad because he and I really have fun when we're together. We run the gambit, making each other laugh like crazy or sharing tears and hearts. We like to hang out together.

He married my brilliant daughter-in-law Marie, whom I adore, and I marvel at their ability to love and support each other even when they're goals are not always compatible. I don't know how they pull this off but they do.

Jeremy was actually here with me when Sarah came home. They both fretted over me as I tried to pull myself back together after very tough times. When she and I married, he and Marie were at the center of the celebration and now the four of us have fun.

Hell, Jeremy earned his own entry into the Carnival of Friends where he is affectionately  known as J-Luv. He is a member of The Bored, has entry though the door marked "Exit Only" at The Breakfast Club and was beloved by Bruce who he once told, "She's gonna blow Captain!" while working toast causing Bubba to burst out laughing and drop plates of food.

I can't imagine life without him.

He is the most special of boys.

So Son, this is your day!

You and Marie enjoy the hell out of it!

I love you so!

Your old Man.

Showers in the Rain

I haven't taken an indoor shower since March.

I love my outdoor shower!

Every morning I give Sarah a squeeze and crawl out of bed leaving her sleeping to stumble down the staircase, through the porch that leads to the wooden walkway to the outdoor shower.

This is no small feat as I live with 4 girls, Goddess who is a girl and Winston, the little gay dog. Luckily the girls are asleep so they don't see me. Goddess doesn't care because she knows the routine though Winston, the little gay dog, prances down the stairs behind me goggling at me.

The Cat Lady next door is quiet though she leaves her lights on all night. As the day dawns they still burn but the house is silent and still.

It's a real burst to my self-esteem when choirs of birds burst into song as I stumble outside. It just makes me feel good about myself. I don't even suck my stomach in or anything. They love me just as I am.

On the wooden shower door is a yellow sun wearing sunglasses and smiling. Written below reads ...

Showers - $1

To Watch - $2

With me - $5

Inside I turn the water on and look towards the beach. Through Fran's thousand shades of green I surmise what kind of day its going to be. The shower rains down upon me as Cicadas sing their song and I take my time lathering up and waking up.

It started when I was in St. Martin. There I stumble from the bed to the Bay to fall face forward into the teal blue waters. If the Trade Winds are high, I open the kitchen door and take an outdoor shower. It's a completely different culture there so others are standing under their outdoor showers at the same time I am.

"It's a wonder a wonderful shower in the neighborhood, a wonderful day for a neighbor!" sang the person showering in the tiny studio beside the one I was staying.

Returning to Tybee Island I resolved to perfect my outdoor shower so I could continue the practice and have never looked back!

So ... I tell you that so I can tell you this.

It's Friday!

Get Naked!

Have a party!

Showers On Dude!

Cat Lady Love

Just when I didn't think things could get any worse ...

"HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!" she screeches.

I'm having a glass of wine on the beloved back deck with Winston, the little gay dog, who is wearing a wife beater tee-shirt that says in rainbow colors "Let's get one thing straight! I'm not!" while Goddess is wearing sunglasses after sucking a heavy bag of medicinal marijuana.

The three of us turn and look in the Cat Lady's direction. Three mouth's drop open simultaneously. Each of us throw up a little in our mouth.

She is wearing a bathing suit!

A yellow and purple one piece that looks like its stuffed with sausage. A blue towel is wrapped around her head that's covered with cat hair from the numerous feral felines living with her. Looking like Marge Simpson on meth, she is carrying one end of a Kayak.

The sunglasses drop off Goddess' face as she looks at Winston, the little gay dog, who is looking at me. In unison our eyes move to the other end of the Kayak which is being carried by a sandy hair, sculpted bodied, bronzed skin, man with a dazzling white smile.

Over the past several months, the Cat Lady has moved from living alone with her feral felines to having a parade of hairless bodied, sculpted men with perfect hair and dazzling smiles parade in and out of her house.

We hear their moaning at night in the heat. Low purrs build in sexual tension to loud wails of sweet release. Cat hair flies out of the sliding glass doors of her back deck as do the blue towel and yellow bath robe she usually wears. Afterwards we hear the sounds of licking as they clean themselves up.

This happens with increasing frequency causing Winston, the little gay dog, to run and hide under our bed and lick himself. Goddess rolls another one and gets stoned out of her mind. Sarah and I turn up the television trying to drown out the mating calls.

Her latest "Boy Toy" is flashing his million dollar smile at her as his blue eyes fill with lustful anticipation.

"HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!" she screeches again and a dozen feral felines fall in line behind her as they make their way down the street to the Back River where they will launch the Kayak and God knows what else?

Our three heads shake as though choreographed as they round the corner.

Winston, the little gay dog, points at his shirt with his paws that have red toe nail polish on them.

"We get it," I say for me and Goddess.

The Way we like our religion!

"Don't let me down," begged the Major Prophet John Lennon.

But of course they do.

Jesus put a positive spin on it when he said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

But we don't.

We've been burned too many times, giving openly and honestly to others only to have them not give back to us in kind. The result is we are taken advantage of, hurt and left to clean up other people's messes.

Every time it happens, we add another brick to the wall we build to protect ourselves from such things. The number of people we trust grows very small. We hoard our feelings for ourselves. Our community is tiny. The love we do give away is questioned, guarded and reserved for only a few. Most can count the true loves they have on one hand.

The "Golden Rule" is in every single one of the world's religions yet it remains the least practiced form of faith.

It ends up pissing everybody off so to hell with it. We take the rest of the world's religions except this part. It makes religion so much easier, leaving plenty of room for intolerance, bigotry, exclusion, hate and terrorism. Now that's how we like our religion!

If it weren't so then why is much of it in the world today.

Last night Sarah and I sat in the red room shell shocked for what others had done unto us that we hadn't done unto others.

After letting our anger out, continuing to say to one another "I'm not mad at you! I'm just mad and don't have anybody else to mad at right now!", we began to calm down. I grew contemplative as Sarah continued to process things that had been done leaving us with a great deal of unexpected things to do.

I had a hard time sleeping last night because of it all. Laying there staring at the ceiling fan, Goddess laid on my side of the bed licking my hand and John Lennon kept singing in my head.

"Don't let me down."

"Don't let me down."

It is a shame that we do let each other down as a daily practice of our faith.

It's more than a shame.

It's just another brick in the wall.

Almost Home

A television is blaring the happy voices of talking heads delivering mostly bad news from yesterday.

Construction workers are eating mountains of powdered eggs and greasy bacon hanging on every word from the television.

Business men wear a Bluetooth and continuously check their smart phones while they glance at USA TODAY.

Vacationers dressed in bright colors happily chat as they cook waffles one at a time for families of five.

Sipping coffee wearing black running shorts and a tee shirt proclaiming "Happiness is no tan lines", I deal with reentry into the real world.

I'm actually reminded of how much of my life I've lived in hotels. For decades I was somewhere several times each month. I became a frequent flyer, platinum card carrier, got bumped to first class more often than not and became a true "Hotel Snob" ending up preferring Marriott for some reason.

Morning coffee was in rooms with people just like this one. Days were filled with rushing from one meeting to another, always being "on", smiling till my face hurt and laughing at things that weren't funny. I was good at it though and was often successful. Nights were spent in the hotel bar, chatting with others who'd spent their days just like me.

Sarah is sleeping squeezing out the last drops of peacefulness before we get home later today. Then there are places to take the girls, work that is behind schedule, dinners to cook and grass to cut. We return to the normalcy of a very hectic mostly virtual life.

Taking my time I sip a second cup of coffee and watch people watch television. The hotel runs out of waffle mix and people complain. A child falls on the floor and cries forcing a mother and a father to stare at one another in a stand off over whose turn it is to deal with it.

Walking to the elevator, I go get Sarah.

We're almost home.

My Gift

Over the teal blue water of the bay, I see the dark blue cloud race towards the island. The calm of a brilliant Caribbean morning is blown away by the wind. The long branches of the Palm Trees sway towards one direction. Yellow butterflies disappear as do the Hummingbirds. Foot long green Geckos dart to the Tropical bushes. The sun is blotted from the sky as the rain begins to fall.

I am sitting on the patio of our tiny studio, sipping coffee listening to Pirate Radio out of Key West.  People rush off the beach clad in their towels. A coconut falls to the ground in front of me.

Just as suddenly the sun reclaims the sky, the cloud rushes to the mountains and the calm returns. The butterflies again are everywhere. The lizards scatter across the wet sandy road. The Palm Trees stand at attention in a clear blue sky.

It is our last day here.

Sarah is sleeping still having finally succumbed to Sand Gravity.

Hania rushes towards Le Boutique to buy croissants for our lunch today.   Conner stumbles out, hair askew from his pillow, clutching a steaming cup of tea. People make their way back to the beach.

I am living these moments, savoring them, doing my best to force an impression of the sights, sounds and feelings on my brain. This is my twenty-fourth time here and I've yet to be ready to leave though it's different this time. A happy home awaits me. Work and play are scheduled for the rest of the year. Friends and family are making plans to visit.

Sarah wakes so I pour her juice and make her coffee.

It strikes me that this year, what I get for my birthday is home.

I can't think of a better gift.

Worry Thoughts

My worry thoughts come early in the morning before I actually wake up. In that semi-conscious state of tossing and turning as I try to fall back asleep, whatever worries I have interrupt me. If I’m lucky, I fall back asleep and dream them away. On the mornings when I can’t shake the worries I lay there staring at the ceiling fan and do my best to excommunicate them.

I’ve lived long enough and seen enough to know that worrying about things only make them worse. I also believe that things always seem worse at night. So it drives me crazy as I lay there worrying about things.

“It’ll be alright,” I say out loud prayfully, believing that God is keeping an eye on me.

For the most part, mine’s been a pretty incredible life! I’ve been places I never dreamed I would go … been part of great things … hobnobbed with the rich and famous … been with three Presidents … won lots of stuff … ran with the Olympic Torch.

Why should I worry that things won’t continue on that projection?

Sure I’ve had my fair share of hurts and disappointments … I know rejection … betrayal has hit me hard … insecurity crept in sometimes … people I counted on left. But as hard as these things was I got through them.

Honestly, I thinks its God that got me this far.

Not that others weren’t involved too. I don’t think God does much alone. Guy Sayles, America’s greatest minister, says, “Life is a partnership with God”.

That’s how I try to live my life. It’s a partnership with God. Everything about it has been wildly unexpected and incredibly fulfilling. There have been some shitty times but faith isn’t always easy; believing sometimes takes great strength; remaining open is the hardest thing most will ever do.

There are times I wish I’d done things differently but it really doesn’t matter now. I am where I am; happier than ever; still the unexpected and enjoying this wild ride of my life! I don’t know what comes after my life’s done … perhaps I’ll be dancing with the Angels or gravitating towards an even higher plane of existence … but if this is all there is … well, it’s been freaking great! And I remain thankful for that.

So when the worry thoughts come, I say, “To hell with it!” and get up to start another day of living this wonderful gift of life. 

Paradise

"It's just another day for you and me in Paradise," Phil Collins sang through the DJ's speakers last night on the dance floor at Papagayo's. Sarah and I exchange glances as though we're sharing a secret.

What a funny song to play ... especially here.

It's about homelessness in America and the utter callousness of how people can be when confronting it. We pretend to not see them. We don't hear them. We just keep believing we're in Paradise by ignoring the poverty surrounding us.

Of course there is poverty here too. In the midst of 37 spectacular beaches are half-finished concrete block buildings where sheets serve as doors and yards are littered with trash. Junk cars serve as housing. People sleep in bushes near the ocean. Just another day in Paradise indeed!

Sprinkled around the island are gated resorts and hotels serving serving up protected slices of sanitized Paradise. Cruise ships dock just off shore disgorging thousands of day visitors who are whisked passed the poverty to the best beaches, bars and restaurants. The visitors to Paradise have it significantly better than the permanent residents.

Of course there is a middle. There are lots of hard working people on the island, living in better homes with flat screen televisions, driving SUV's. Some are dear friends who have showed me island life in ways I would have never discovered alone. Most work in the resorts or the shops catering to tourists. There's are the best offices with a view you can possibly imagine.

After 30 years of working with homeless people I do not romanticize poverty. It sucks!

I don't romanticize Paradise either. The United States has as many warts and self-inflicted wounds as does St. Martin.

I've had my fair share of bad in my life but those aren't the things I choose to focus on. I remember them but I don't dwell on them. I choose the good over the bad; the happy over the sad; laughter over the tears. Regardless of where I'm at, I do my best to find the Paradise. Given the opportunity I try to help others find their's too.

Because all of us could use another day in Paradise.

Independence

It's a big day in St. Martin!

The 4th of July in the United States here is an excuse for an American style buffet (pronounced Boo-fey) consisting of hamburgers, hot dogs and ribs for the low cost of 23 Euros. We'll be dining in this evening at a much lower cos

t before heading over dancing afterwards.

It's also Conner's birthday which is a big deal here. Sarah and I decorated the patio of his studio this morning before heading to Le Boutique to get croissants for breakfast. As we paid I began to explain why we were buying them, Mimi decked in red, white and blue snapped in her thick French accent, "I know it's Conner's birthday! We have it written down!"

Go figure.

There's also a parade down the beach this morning. The Americans will deck themselves in patriotic attire and wave flags strolling down Orient Beach. The non-Americans, mostly French, sitting in their chairs or laying on blankets will be ambivalent about it but we'll have a good time.

I love my country though our Government drives me absolutely crazy! The Founding Fathers had great ideas that elected officials have consistently eroded ever since. Congress is an absolute mess of partisan zealots whose common goals are re-election or retirement with the greatest of perks. Having spent a large portion of time in Atlanta and Washington, I'm cynical about them all.

The news drives me nuts. I don't care if its the liberal media or Robert Murdock's desire to drive everyone to the right, the news is all bad. The airheads who deliver the news are mostly entertainers with nothing much to say. I pretty much ignore them these days.

Our religious institutions follow suit of the elected politicians taking sides on most everything. The attitude of many churches is "you're either with us or you're going to hell. So go to hell!" I was invited to the nation's first "Faith Based Summit" in Washington and was appalled to see the blatant ass kissing taking place.  I try to shy away from such clergy.

Our health care system is absolutely broken. We have the best product in the world with the worst delivery system ever invented. Try as they may to fix it, or least make it better, the Government seems to only make it worse.

Yet, we're still the greatest country on earth.

The freedoms we have, the truths we hold dear, the right to congregate and say whatever we have to say ... these things remain mostly in place.

Political correctness is killing us. Parasitism is too. Fundamentalism of any kind is a terrible and evil thing.

But, as a crazy as things have gotten, America still huddles the masses ... stoops to help the fallen ... protects the weak ... defends against tyranny ... believes God has a purpose for us all.

So we will march this Independence Day, showing our French friends, how proud we remain to be who we are.

Letting Go

Moses led the chosen people to the Promised Land. It took them a while to get there, as fights broke out and God kept doing things to help them along ... but they eventually got there. They certainly took the scenic route.

The Promised Land was their place. A holy and special land they claimed as their own. A place that is part of them. They are part of the place. The land and the people became one.

I know that feeling.

It took me a while to get to the beach. Starting off in a mill town, I made my way to college and then to Seminary in a land far, far away before eventually landing on Tybee Island. There were fights along the way, mostly with myself, as I struggled to find my purpose in this life. A couple of false starts led to start all over again. Looking back on it I can see how God nudged me this way or that. And in the end, I found my Promised Land.

Like the chosen people I had to let go of the past and resolved myself to live in the present. I have lots of stories to tell about how I got here but I excommunicated the feelings behind them a long time ago. Mercifully, I have friends scattered in all sorts of places living in their own Promised Lands or still trying to find it.

I don't hold on to feelings from the past. They're just part of yesterday and you can't live in the present if you're forever dealing with the past. There have been good people and not so good, Saints and Sinners, who have been part of this journey and sometimes they come up in conversation but most are not part of my life today.

Today is Sarah, close friends, little girls and grown children, Palm trees, ocean breezes and a world that comes to me every day on my computer screen. It is travels to other lands, most seaside places, work that is rewarding and occasionally profitable, and the daily enjoyment of a sense of belonging. It is bike rides, walks holding hands, supper conversations we can never guess ahead of time, and trying to expand culinary options beyond McDonald's.

I talk to God here daily. We've found ways to communicate and I find myself listening harder than I ever have. I don't think God's that big on using words, preferring to make make it real. God uses feelings to get my attention.

It's my Promised Land.

If you're not in yours yet, I hope you keep at it. You can get there in spite of fights with yourself or others, a quiet God, and obstacles in the way. What you'll be most surprised about when you get to the Promised Land ... is you.

Hot Tropical Nights

The place does have some deficiencies.

"What's the lack of entertainment tonight?" I asked as we stood on the beach.

"Shine," Hania replies.

"Shit!" I exclaim.

He is a disc jockey who sings the songs. It's a mixture of 1950's rock-n-roll, Bob Marley Reggae, and the "Electric Slide."

The old people love it and crowd the dance floor at Papagayo's which is managed by my friend Carlos. He often weaves through the crowd dancing with this person or trying to hold someone up  gasping for air in the hot sticky night.

Their is no other option.

After a nice dinner which we prepared ourselves and ate under the stars, the four of us make our way to be entertained. As soon as we enter, Carlos grabs Sarah and the dancing begin. Releasing her to rescue another elderly woman gasping for air, she and I dance wildly and passionately. We smile, enjoying ourselves and occasionally join Conner and Hania at the bar. Our bodies are hot with sweat in the thick Tropical air.

When Slide plays the "Electric Slide" Carlos joins Sarah in mimicking the way I do it, with a wild high kick on the turn. The three of us look as though we've practiced but they laugh as they make fun of me.

There is a law here that the music stops at 10:00 which makes absolutely no sense, other than allowing people to go to bed early without hearing music. Of course this is completely negated by the music coming from Le Gallion, a beach bar around the cove.

But precisely at 10:00 Slide mercifully stops crucifying songs.

We bid Carlos and other friends good-bye and stroll under star lit Palm Trees swaying in the Trade Winds. Sarah and I hold hands as our feet glide over the sandy road leading to our tiny studio where another dance erupts as the hot Tropical night continues.

Dad's Gifts

It was four years ago that my Dad died.

He waited around until I could get back from St. Martin, made sure I was alright with it, and went peacefully several days later.

Sarah and I are back in St. Martin on this anniversary of his departure.

It's funny because I'm increasingly mindful of the things Dad passed on to me. He loved the sea, the smell of the marsh, the shape of Palm Trees and the blaze of the sun. He was forever tanned and forever working on it. He loved to catch crabs and pick them for others. He loved sea food.

He had a serious case of "Wanderlust" and would pick up and go whenever the opportunity presented itself. He and the boys were forever taking off for the Bahamas or Fernadina Beach. He and Mom traveled the Caribbean and Europe.

I was in my office once when he called me on the phone.

"Hey Bub, you want to go to the Bahamas?"

"Yeah Dad! When?"

"Now. Meet us at the airport in an hour," and he hung up.

Somehow I made the plane and spent a week with my Dad and his cronies in Marsh Harbor. It was my first trip to the islands and I am forever indebted to him making that introduction.

He passed the Wanderlust on to me.

Dad loved to laugh and to make others laugh. Forever telling jokes or playing them on someone, he lived to laugh. There's enough bad things in life to drag you down and Dad's solution was to surround himself with people who would laugh. My life is filled with the same kinds of folks.

He loved to cook and was damn good at it. His friends invited him on trips just so he would do the cooking. He especially loved to grill and again he passed these loves on to me. Dad and I have passed them on to Jeremy.

These things keep Dad very much alive to me though it's hard for me to believe that four years have already passed. I don't dwell on the sadness or the loss. I just focus on the things he left behind.

Or as Dad would say, "It's all good."